Him not seeing his son

[user0872883848]

I've been talking to someone. We get along really well. We have a great connection and click well.

Just one thing. He has a young child whom he doesn't see. No abuse or anything. Was an accidental pregnancy and the child's mother was annoyed at his behaviour and told him to leave them (her and their child) alone. He did as she said and hasn't tried since.
He bumped into her not long after and she asked why he hasn't contacted. He said you told me not to.

This is a sticking point for me. Even if I accept this how can I go on to have a child whilst knowing that they have a half sibling that they can't see. And what's to stop him not doing the same to future child.

He says I'm being unfair.

I'm nd so I thought I'd ask here.

Aibu to not be comfortable continuing things to get into a serious relationship with someone who chooses not to see his child?

Exactly this. Trust your instincts OP.

I wouldn't be getting with any man who either doesn't see his child or is a shitty every other weekend dad. There's not much less attractive than a poor father.

How can you have any respect for this man

do yourself a favour stop analysing his behaviour and look at the facts he has turned his back on his own child that is the sort of man he is

Even if his ex had told him to go away and not contact her and his son, he could take steps to legally be allowed to see his son. I'm assuming he's on the birth certificate? The fact he hasn't bothered, speaks volumes in my opinion. A man who truly wants to be part of their child's life, will move heaven and earth to do so.

I couldn't be in a relationship with a "man" like this OP. My DDs bio father hasn't seen her since she was a baby (she's an adult now, mid twenties) and she recently found out via social media that he's had two more kids (pretty recently - 3 year old and a new baby) with his current partner.

He's a prick, I already know that and don't expect anything more from him but I just can't get my head around the current GFs thinking - she must know about my DD as his parents have always had involvement in her life. Does she plan to tell her DC they have a half sibling or just keep it quiet?

I've no doubt he's spun her a merry tale about me being a psychopath yada yada but how she's managing to ignore those red flags flapping in her face I'll never know!

And for the record, my gorgeous DD has a first class honors degree and a masters from a prestigious university and is well on her way to what I hope will be a happy, successful and fulfilling life.

Ooh, emotional manipulation too. Nice 🙄

Thank you for sharing this.

It's something I think of often as my daughter's father was abusive to us both and doesn't give a shiny shit about her. He has a girlfriend who had her own child who was a similar age to my dd at the time and I'm just thinking how? How can you even do that as a woman but you have a child who she let's him be involved with? If he's not going to fight for his own child then you can bet her son would be first out the door should they break up.

But I'm so happy to hear your dd is doing so well in life. She sounds like an amazing woman, you've done so well.

My dc's father says he'll see her when she's 16 and when she asks why he hasn't seen her he will tell her "because your mum's a bitch." Deluded. But I'm so hopeful after you sharing your story. Thank you. And I also free with your line of thinking: how

@user0872883848 Congratulations - his message to you was a wonderful example of ‘the trash taking itself out.’

He’s helpful binned himself so all you have to do is block him.

He’s a lazy deadbeat not interested in his own child who then had the nerve to gaslight you that you were the one in the wrong.

You and your child deserve so much better. I hope 2025 brings you a happier, healthier relationship.

There are some men who are only interested in the children of the woman they are sleeping with. They can be family oriented, but if their head is turned they’ll dump their dc as well as their dw/gf.

From an evolutionary perspective, that sort of floating fatherhood has some advantages (definitely an improvement on lions killing unrelated cubs) but in searching for mate, I’d rather procreate with someone who is going to invest in their own offspring, and will continue to do so even if something happens to me.

It’s very difficult to know which kind you’ve got but this one actually comes with a warning label attached.

My kindest interpretation of his situation is that he doesn’t have the maturity yet to risk having a child with him.

Thank you so much.

That's really kind.

Here's to better men. 🥂

He's a deadbeat who can't be bothered to be a parent. There's more to parenting than paying support. How could you ever find him attractive knowing that he could ignore his own child? He's irresponsible and lazy and uncaring at best.

Eww. Dump.

So he’s a misogynistic prick, as well as a truly shit failure of a father? Grand. He’s told you exactly who he is. Sling him into the bin, where he belongs.

Run as fast as you can.

He's lying

You know what kind of person he is, he's the kind of person who abandons his child.

Paying the legally obliged minimum payment each month is neither here nor there, it sounds like he lives in the same area as his child (if they bump into the mum in the street) but does zero parenting, that makes him an awful parent, irresponsible, lazy, unreliable, capable of cognitive dissonance to the extent where he neglects his child but it's "not his fault" 🙄

Imagine if the mum did as little parenting as he did; it would be (rightly) classed as child abuse.

This is not a man you want in your life.

It's so weird because your words are the exact words I use to describe my daughter's father. 10 minutes around the corner and can't be bothered to see his child. There's no excuse.

I'm glad I posted.