To have a social life?

[fartfacenotfatface]

I have teen DC - 13 & 14 - and we all live with DH (who is the father of both DC). I am really struggling with DH's resentment of me having an active social life.
Typically, I'm out of the home on Monday evenings as I work 2-10 pm on that day and on Wednesday evenings I'm out from 7-10pm ish to do my hobby. I collect DC1 from their hobby the same night, but DH has to take them as my hobby starts earlier than theirs. Sometimes I have to work a shift at the weekend. Usually afternoon and / or evening on one of the weekend days once every 2-3 weeks.
At the weekend, I like to spend some time with my best friend on either Saturday or Sunday. This might be lunch and a dog walk, a shopping trip or - maybe once a month - an evening at hers for dinner and a bottle or two of wine, after which I stay over as there's no public transport to my house from hers and no taxis (we live rurally).
Occasionally, I'll meet another friend for a coffee on one of my free evenings. Probably once a month or less. Sometimes I'll go for a swim / gym before or after supper for an hour or so.

DH rarely ever goes out of an evening or at the weekend. His job is very much 9-5 with nothing to do at home outside these hours. He has few friends and makes little effort to keep in touch with those he does have. He doesn't have any hobbies and isn't a member of the gym.
I am always being moaned at for going out and it's really starting to piss me off. I'm a grown woman and feel like I need to ask permission to go out. Lots of 'oh, you're out again this weekend' or silent treatment if I mention that I'm meeting my friend.
DH and kids mainly spend the evenings watching TV / playing games consoles (often together as they have a common interest in gaming which I cannot get into). I can't see that me nipping out for an hour at the gym or meeting Jane for a coffee is neglecting their needs. I'd feel differently if DCs were toddlers that needed bathing etc and I was leaving DH to battle that on his own etc. Almost without exception I prepare the evening meal - even on my work days I cook something and leave it in the fridge for DH just to heat up.
Most weekends we try to have a family day out and then the other day I'll meet my friend whilst DH is home with the kids and they get on with homework. Or I arrange to meet my friend on a day when one or both DCs are doing their hobbies so we wouldn't have been able to spend the day as a family anyway. TBH at their ages, even if DH did want to go out himself during the day and the kids are home, they can be left for a few hours alone so it's not like I'm forcing childcare duties on him.
So - is my social life excessive? Am I selfish? Should I rein in my social life because DH doesn't have one?

If you are out of the house 5 nights a week then it’s a lot

it would be easier if you said how many nights a week you are at home?

I don’t think it’s necessarily conductive to a strong marriage if you are out most nights and days pleasing yourself

Do you ever invite him?

I'm not out 5 nights every week, it's more like 2-3:

I work one evening
I do a hobby another evening

Once a month (ish) I meet a friend for a coffee which takes up an evening.

Maybe twice a week I'll nip to the gym (out the house for 60-90 mins), usually before supper as I'm home from work by 4:30pm, but sometimes a bit later in the evening. Not the whole evening though.

Approx 3 times a month I'll meet my best friend for lunch on a weekend day or - once a month - go to hers for dinner on a Friday or Saturday night and stay over.

No, DH doesn't come. A) I don't think many women take their DHs for coffee / meet ups with their girlfriends and B) the DC are too young (in my opinion) to be left alone all evening. We leave them for a few hours in the day.

You mention your work time, your hobby time, your social time and family time. Could your DH be feeling like he doesn't matter to you because you don't mention any quality time with him?

My boyfriend - who I live with - is out four evenings out of seven socialising. and tbh it really does cause a lot of resentment from me. So I can understand your husbands point of view .
Doesnt mean I’m justified though and tbh if I had friends and hobbies that took me out four nights a week- I wouldn’t want my other half nagging at me about it either .
so not sure what the solution is tbh . He needs to get out more ?
kids are older so that’s not really relevant .

I don't think you should rein in your social life because he doesn't have one but I do think you both need to figure out where your relationship is going especially once the kids leave home.

Perhaps. DH and I do spend time together. Not often in the evenings (besides watching TV when the kids are in bed!) as we don't have childcare to go 'out out'. But weekend mornings we'll get up early and go for a walk, meet for lunch on my day when I work late etc. We have occasional weekends away / full days out together when the grandparents have the kids.

What quality time do you have together? If you have work one day, and a hobby another, then two evenings at th gym and a weekend day with your friend, that's only one evening and one day together?
You should absolutely be able to have a social life but it does sound like you are very busy and maybe he misses you? Can you go to the gym during the day while he's at work if your work is evenings?

@Fidgety31 - yes I do think he needs to get out more and this is the main issue. TBH even when we do spend time together alone it's hard work as he has very little to talk about and obviously resents me talking about things from my hobby / social life. But equally I don't see why I shouldn't have a social life just because he doesn't.

I only work one evening a week so I can't go to the gym during the day as I'm at work normally. TBH the gym days aren't / shouldn't be an issue. I tend to go straight after work. I pick the kids up from the bus and get them home and prep supper. Then leave the kids / DH to finalise the cooking whilst I go to the gym. I'm home to eat with them all by 6:30 and am around all evening. Very occasionally if I've had to work late or one of the DC have something after school so we're home later, I'll nip to the gym later in the evening (whilst DH and the kids are glued to a screen 😂).

If he wants more quality time just the two of you he needs to say that.

If he is bored because of his lack of social life that is up to him to address.

I wouldn't be tolerating the moaning and offhand comments about it. Just because he chooses to be a homebody doesn't mean he gets to guilt you for choosing something different.

So basically he needs to communicate the actual issue, not just guilt you into altering your perfectly normal behaviour.

On the face of it you seem to prioritise doing what you want, when you want to do it. So no - as a grown woman you don't need permission to go out - but maybe your husband is feeling there is no room for him in your life.

Sounds like dh and kids like screens and you don't. So it s fine that you go out .
If you enjoy your times together eg family holidays not an issue.
But think ahead when kids go to uni etc
What does life look like?
If he will moan and complain maybe you becoming incompatible. Maybe the future will be amicably apart.
Or if you both accept your differences and get on well no issue continue to share a house
He should not restrict your social life and he is responsible for his hobbies