Bear with me this might be a long one…
A short history first…I have a 10 year old daughter to my ex, i left him on the day I left hospital after having her 10 years ago due to domestic abuse. Mostly emotional but physical on the night I left. Fast forward 10 years, 7 of which we spent back & forwards to family court, and communication between us is still fraught with difficulties due to his need to control things. Needless to say, I have set boundaries which I am strict on after years of therapy and CBT for what I have been told is PTSD from the relationship. Anyway, my little girl has always seen her dad and on a 2 week basis she sees him 6nights out of 14.
He lives almost 30 miles from where I moved to with our newborn, but has property all over the region and has the option to live around 7 miles from where we are but doesn’t (i believe its a status thing, he describes my local area like its some kind of slum).
My 10 year old has come to me panicking about going to high school and which one she will go to in year 7 (she has just started year 5 so we have another year to think about it). I just assumed she would want to go to the local school with all of her friends so said thats where she would go. She’s really upset that, quote: “thats not fair mum because for the last 10 years dad has had to do all of the driving to take me to school when i stay there and you really need to step up and do done of the driving now so i want to go to school [in the local area where dad lives] for 2 years and then go to the school where all of my friends will go after that”
I’ve explained that when she is in high school she’ll be making her own way there from our house, i work 4 days a week, her older step sisters have always got the schollars bus to school and she has a younger brother who will start school next year who i will have to drop off, so driving her to school where her dad lives isn’t an option for me.
she has also suggested that her dad would send her to private school…now this doesn’t surprise me as he has always tried for that but it was court ordered that she would go to a local school when she turned 4.
Logistically, the private schools are all in the city centre where we live and its about half way between our houses. It would make sense for her to go to school in the city centre. My issue is that there is no way on gods green earth I could afford to contribute to private education. He’s not directly said it to me yet but I know its coming!
Her dad has never financially contributed to her, even when he saw her less. My solicitor when she was born helped me apply to the CSA and according to them he earns less then £7 a week, claims no benefits so is eligible to pay £0.00.
He owns a business and a property portfolio. Any time i have ever asked him for help in the past he has been non committal and nothing has materialised.
So…would it be unreasonable when he asks to agree but on the understanding that I couldn’t contribute to the annual fee’s and expect him to be able to prove that he could pay for it??
I think he will say absolutely not, but with 4 children, a mortgage and bills to pay, there is no way I could afford to contribute but from what my poor daughter has said it sounds like he won’t be agreeing to her going to her local school because he might have to drive her there 🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️