To enjoy spending almost all of my time alone?

[Malorcamum]

To want to spend almost all of my time alone?

Growing up, I was a high achiever and I was convinced that I would change the world.

I spent my 20s travelling and pushing myself in high pressure jobs. I’ve lived in many different cities and made a lot of friends along the way.

I kept experiencing episodes of burnout where I’d suddenly hit a wall and I couldn’t get out of bed for months. I always had the sense that daily life was a bit much for me, but I couldn’t figure out why.

I was also bullied quite badly when I was younger, all throughout school. I was also in an abusive relationship in my early twenties. These experiences made me want to stay hidden and never take an active leadership role at work. I avoid conflicts and politics wherever possible. I have lots of friends, but I feel most comfortable when I can keep them at arms length. I appear confident but it’s all a bit of a front.

When covid hit, I found peace and solace in staying at home. I finally figured out that I have ADHD and started taking medication, which has stopped my burnouts. I also moved to a rural location and started working remotely. My job is well paid, mundane and not too challenging. I do my job well and stay mostly invisible.

I’m in my 30s now, and on a daily basis I enjoy waking up slowly, doing a home workout, doing the laundry, cooking, taking care of my baby, and doing some arts and crafts.

I rarely want to leave the house, but I realise that the world is passing me by. I feel a sense of guilt knowing that there’s probably a lot of things I could achieve, but I just don’t have the motivation to do anything.

I get really anxious about driving as I get intimidated by other drivers on the road and I don’t feel safe. I also get tired out easily by noisy environments. I feel anxious around people I don’t know. There’s always some part of me who’s scared to be seen. It feels much safer to hide away at home.

I should add that I am making the effort to take my baby to play groups etc, as I know it’s important for his development. I feel extremely anxious every time I have to drive him there though.

I guess what I’m asking is, is this normal? I know that it probably isn’t, but I’d be curious to hear your thoughts <3

You do you, but as the child of two timid, withdrawn parents who were absolutely terrified of the world and quailed before it, and had almost no friends, it was a miserable way to grow up, and I spent my 20s trying to unpick a lot of my childhood scripts about friendships, relationships, and what the 'big, scary' world was like.

I would urge you to remember that, whatever about your individual preferences, you will need (eventually, if not immediately) to model healthy friendships and interactions with the world outside your home for your growing child.

It sounds as if the driving is a problem. I can't drive, but I live in a city centre, and I am planning to learn. If you live somewhere where you need to drive pretty much every time you leave the house, and it's causing you to want to stay in, then I think you either need therapy to work on the anxiety, or to move locations to somewhere with things within walking/cycling or public transport distance.

Fine if you are on your own a nd live on your own. Not reasonable to bring a baby into this scenario. Have you got a job.

She clearly stated in the OP that she has a job AND she is taking her son to baby groups...

She sounds like a great mum and there's absolutely nothing wrong with being an introvert as long as you ensure your child doesn't have to be.

Your comment is wildly unnecessary and a bit silly. Someone not enjoying going out (but doing it anyway for their child) is hardly a situation where someone shouldnt have had a child.

If OP doesn't think there is anything to be concerned about why is she posting about it.

Good parents always worry they are doing the best for their children, no matter their situation.

Asking advice and being told some great tips to make sure her child isn't affected is VERY different than people telling her she shouldn't have had her child.

I read posts on here every single day where I feel desperately sorry for the children in the OP's situation... This is definitely not one of those times.

I grew up with a friend who's mum was like OP. Her mum was lovely and we all spent a lot of time at her house. We respected when she was reading in the garden and all gave each other space in a really nice way.

We all really liked her and enjoyed her quiet energy.
Her daughter (my friend) was super social and still is to this day, but her and her mum are best friends.

It might be an idea to work on your anxiety. What happens when you stop doing things because of anxiety is that it becomes a self perpetuating cycle and you become more anxious.

If you live in a rural area you're going to need to drive as your child will need to go places.

Why did you even post when you clearly haven't read the OP?

What did you understand by the sentence “My job is well paid, mundane and not too challenging. I do my job well and stay mostly invisible.”?

She’s posting to see how normal or otherwise it is. That’s the question she asked. She’s not asking whether she should have had a child

im similar to a degree,

at school - bullied - focused more on surviving

at sixth form - begin to rebuild confidence and social skills

University - sorta became a recluse and focused on my studies

Then job roles, mixing with different people and making different friends has helped me immensely with confidence.

previous job i was a mix personality wise, ill admit i loved the art of conversation (it was knowing what to chat about that was the difficulity at times)

mostly got along with everyone , one or two people disagreed with my work ethic as some days during the day id have natters with the bosses (my view was im chatting to the bosses so its upto them if i need to be working or having a chat with them. plus it was eg 10-20mins here and there but i always offered to help when different teams needed it,

now due to redundancy looking for a new role.

overall some days i could be with friends doing x activities and other days im busy with my projects etc, sometimes i need more focus for different activities but it can be a mix at times, i like a balance of both.

Does someone look after your child while you are working? Soon they will be at school and loads of interaction there! Seems like you are doing fine as you do take them out and about. So I wouldn't worry about that.
Imagine you know a talented artist/writer/musician/craftperson. These require hours of lone work - maybe even seclusion. Would you feel that this person was odd? That they were letting life pass them by? Probably not.
Taking your child out of the equation (and you do not mention a partner - do you have one? Are they not also half responsible for the child's wellbeing)? How you live your life sounds absolutely normal. What 'life' do you think you should be living? Do you imagine that people are at the theatre every night? Taking in exhibitions and concerts on the weekend? Attending parties and get togethers? Some are, vast majority are not. And quite a fair number are going to work, coming home, putting the TV on. Repeat.
If you feel unfulfilled with your work you can change that. But if that change makes you feel uncomfortable is it worth it? If you are content with your daily routine and are not struggling financially then I don't see the issue. I love being at home and if I didn't have a dog to walk would happily spend days on end at home not interacting with anyone. But I don't have stress about leaving my house - just little inclination!
You might want some help with your anxiety about driving though.

I think the question to ask yourself is what type of life you want to lead. If you're happy doing your job, looking after your baby, doing a few hobbies at home then that's absolutely fine, provided that you make sure that your DS has plenty of opportunities for socialising when the time comes.

But it sounds like you're not really happy with your life, almost as if you're hiding away and are scared of the world, and stay alone and indoors to avoid danger. If that's the case, and you would like to start living a more social and adventurous life, then I'd take small steps in that direction and if you can afford it, some therapy as well. Perhaps you might consider joining a craft group or taking a class. Do you have a partner or someone who could watch DC while you go out for an evening?

It's ok to be different and it's ok to be happy in your own company.

Keep on with the groups for your child and keep an eye on how they're doing. As they get older you can take them to other things - such as cubs/brownies - to get social opportunities.

Would be good to work on the driving anxiety if you can.

I guess you're avoiding the demands of life, but in the process you might find you have neglected to build a satisfying life.

I very rarely leave my home. Sometimes I wonder how many cool things I could/should be doing, but right now, this is what I need to do.

Festschriften you’re describing my parents, which makes me realise that a lot of this is probably learned behaviour.

CatsndtheBear, Viviennemary and MereDintofPandiculation thanks for sticking up for me, some people are just very quick to judge on here ;) making sure my son doesn’t inherit a fear of the world is my main motivation for change.

username299 I think you’re right, particularly as I used to be so outgoing, I think it’s become a cycle and my world is getting smaller and smaller which is what anxiety tends to do.

mondaytosunday I have a wonderful fiancé who is outgoing, and he also takes our son out and about. He thinks nothing of just popping to the shops, and he moves through the world easily. I wish I could be like that!

I will say I agree with you though to a certain extent, I think our capitalist society is always expecting us to do more. I had a high powered job in London, was going to see west end shows etc, and it didn’t make me happy. Maybe it’s ok to be content with less!

Thanks to everyone who posted, I will definitely look into therapy and work on my driving anxiety. Here’s to a healthier 2025!

I think this is normal nesting post baby