AIBU to want to go out twice a week?

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Partner & I have one child (nearly 6). I like to see my friends and do a regular volunteering activity. I think it's reasonable to go out twice a week and have him do bath & bedtime, he acts like it's unreasonable. He's a nice, calm man so he's not nasty about it or anything, but I can tell he doesn't like it.

I would be very happy if he was out 2 evenings a week as I miss being alone. However he probably only goes out once a month.

If we both did 2 evenings out then we would still have 3 evenings together a week & perhaps we'd actually appreciate that time rather than veg out on the sofa!

AIBU? What do you do in your family if you have a partner?

Definitely let him know you don't mind - he will feel all the better not just for the exercise but also for giving himself a bit of breathing space and a change of scene.

As long as he gets 2 nights to himself a week, even if he chooses to stay in, then it's fine.

Eh?

They'd be giving up two evenings to solo parent their child. If it's that hard to solo parent a child you made for two evenings, then the SAHP who does it FT is due some free time each week.

Just because you Work outside the home wouldn't mean someone SAHP to a child at home all week isn't working hard too.

Where did anyone mention school age children?

The child is almost 6 so, if they're in the UK, will have been to school for 1.5 years. Other countries will vary!

Op assuming these two nights aren't like Friday and Saturday nights coming home half canned and not getting up to midday the next day then your not doing anything wrong.
It's not unusual for people to have two nights - really meaning an hour or so - at the gym or hobby groups or one night socialising and one night at a hobby group.

If they were both weekend nights I can understand why he'd be feeling fed-up

Half canned made me laugh. Only do that every now and then 😆

My DH seldom goes out without me. He doesn't socialise with his colleagues. I, on the other hand do, I'm out at least three times a month with different friends or colleagues. Doesn't bother him, at least he's not said so. He needs a hobby.

It's not unreasonable.

I do two evenings and one weekend morning a week. DH might go to the gym once or twice but typically doesn't go out much.

Our kids are older now, but I've been doing this since 2012 (when I was a SAHM incidentally) as its so important to have time every week where I am "Moose" and not just "wife" and "mum".

I do my hobby one evening a week and generally exercise/socialise once a week. I can’t imagine either DH or I having an issue with this. He tends to socialise less as his job involves a lot of socialising so I make sure he has peace for gaming or going for a run. We both also travel for work (him lots more than me) and have always made sure to support the other one, even though it leaves you flying solo with DC. What is his issue with you having time to have a life?

So I go out 2/3 times a week normally (Thursday and Sunday and one other night). I work full time and he is the stay at home parent to a school age child. He is completely happy with this (he does his socialising/gym time during the school day mostly). We actually found it really hard when I didn't go out- as she wouldn't let him put her to bed.... so for us it's much better
I would echo on equal leisure time however (and hubby is more than welcome to go out any other time but rarely does)

YANBU at all OP. I hate the idea that people are supposed to stop wanting a life or any time for themselves the minute they get married and have kids.

Here we go with the usual SAHP bashing 🙄🙄.

And where did the OP say they were SAHP?

Not bashing SAHMs to suggest that a SAHP of school age children really doesn't work longer hours than everyone else (which is the post I was responding to).

Making statements like this devalues the genuine hard work that SAHPs of pre-school children, and those with children with SEN and makes it less likely that others will take them seriously.

why on earth should a stay home parent not be allowed out.

I could’ve written your post OP! DH and I are the same and I would tend to go out two nights a week and maybe something without DC and DH on the weekend. DH maybe goes out once or twice a month (I too said it would be better for our relationship if he got a hobby he could go to once a week!). I’ve basically had to cut back as DH started getting a bit stroppy - reason being:

Two nights a week I don’t do bedtime or dinner, whenever we are both home, one of us will do bedtime and the other person does dinner. I always let DH choose which he would prefer as I’ve been out BUT it does mean he has dinner or bedtime or both seven nights a week whereas I only have one or the other 5 nights a week. Which when you break it down like that - isn’t really fair! Not sure if it’s the same for you.

We alternate night for doing bedtime anyway. It's entirely unreasonable of you not to expect the same freedom