To ban youtube for my 12 year old?

[QueenOfTheSandals]

My daughter recently got a phone with the understanding she would not be allowed any social media. This included YouTube as the ‘shorts’ videos seem to be the same content as tiktok or instagram reels. My daughter thinks the YouTube ban is extreme and I am the strictest parent she knows. I’m now doubting myself and need you lot to advise me. So AIBU to ban YouTube?

Stick to your guns - impossible to control.if she has access, and she is too young.

I'd fire YouTube into the sun if I could. Every time I think what my DC is watching is safe, gaming content, there are inappropriate references and language. But he can't find this kind of content anywhere else. So we have a block list of when the creator oversteps but by then, it's too late. I hate YouTube.

That approach does seem very extreme. YouTube is just like any other platform- there is some content on there that is harmful, but equally much of it is inoffensive and there is also some very high quality, educational stuff on there.

I always think it’s better to take an educational approach and give DC the tools and skills to use a platform safely, rather than banning it outright. Why not sit down with your DD to discuss it, have a look at what she wants to see and watch it yourself.

Ime it is very unlikely for YouTube to suggest harmful content if you aren’t viewing related topics.

Too strict at 12, she'll get picked on for being so out of the loop with things.

By the time they're at secondary they're exposed to a huge amount of inappropriate things via peers, it's better to keep open communication and explain things as she gets questions than to treat her like a young child and make her too awkward or worried about your reaction to come to you about teenage topics.

There's a setting we use for our 12 year old that filters out swearing etc.

I can understand your concerns but banning it all together is extreme imo. You’ll just make it more appealing to her.

What I do is my kid has an account (linked to my email) and I have it logged in on their device and on mine too. That way I can see exactly what they are watching and i regularly go through and block anything at all I think it remotely dodgy. This means their algorithm shows only generally the good, safe, educational and fun stuff they like.

@TreeSquirrel I agree, there is a lot of great stuff on YouTube. My son (of a similar age) watches a lot of long form gaming content. Yes there is a bit of swearing but I’m ok with that. My issue is more on the influencer style short videos that are basically the same content as TikTok, think skincare, focus on what one looks like, promotion of over consumption etc. I get it seems extreme and my instinct is to do as @FoxInTheForest suggests BUT I’m not as worried about her seeing very offensive dangerous stuff (as I can put age filters on) it’s the insidious lifestyle crap that is the bedrock of the tween influencer algorithm. I can tell her this stuff is fluff but I fear that young exposure does harm them and evidence seems to suggest this. However, I am reading responses and having a good think, maybe I need a middle ground.

You could compromise and let her view youtube on your phone or a laptop so you can control how long she watches it and check what she is watching. Dds are 10 and 7 so I don't have this issue yet but I am very strict with youtube (kids version). I'm not worried about them hearing the odd swear word but the algorithms want you to keep watching

I think you’re completely right, but I would have a collaborative discussion rather than a ‘putting your foot down’ type discussion. My DDs are not allowed on YouTube but we have had discussions about the pros and cons and they are on board with it. When I have explained that I don’t want them getting a distorted body image, being manipulated to think they need expensive skincare and just wasting time on pointless, addictive, shallow content, they completely agree.

At 12, you wouldn’t just let them start vaping, eating enormous quantities of junk, drinking coffee or staying out until 11pm, but you’d probably have a discussion about why those are not great choices at 12.

So strange this whole out of the loop thing. When I was young my parents never just let me do things because my friends did it at 12 years old. Your house your rules. Yes, YouTube has the same content as social media it’s literally the same except access to the longer content. They have access to so much anyway tv , the internet etc gaming apps which none of us had that amount of access to as it didn’t exist to that extent. I’m sure they’ll be fine and won’t be closed off from all social interactions because they don’t have YouTube 😅 I guarantee the risks outweighs the benefits.

Im with you on this one. My dd is not allowed tiktok because of the shorts and how they affect the brain, but now youtube is just shorts of tiktok videos so no better

I think a complete ban is probably too far, but you could only allow it on a computer in the family living room for example. No need to have it on her phone

Perfectly reasonable. Hopefully it will be banned for all under 16s soon.

And no, you’re not the strictest parent she knows 😁

I have installed the Qustodio app, it has a free trial and is a paid for thing after that, but it seems really good. I get a daily report of everything he’s accessed and can click into individual YouTube videos to see them. We do have parental controls that block certain content as well. My ds is also 12, he doesn’t have Snapchat or TikTok but we do let him watch YT - mostly watches gaming stuff and football videos

if you do consider the Qustodio app, if you delay signing up for premium until right at the end of the 3 day trial, the price drops quite significantly compared to the initial quoted price

We banned it for our similar age kids. The alogrithms push dubious content you can never really know. So even though you are not seeking it out it will be coming up in the bottom of your feed as they know other people with your interests might like that stuff (lots of people things it just like google and you get back what you search for, you don’t it’s a lot more sophisticated). We found on digging around there is lots of stuff that looks ok on the face of it, is actually really creepy or pushing an inappropriate message. It’s also addictive (so just watching an on a family tv was never enough) and I think the short content is so harmful to developing minds. Our kids much calmer without it. There id some worthy stuff on it but let’s face what the kids want to watch is the stuff that is total brain rot. Also the content on TikTok is reposted there so why ban TikTok? Good luck. It’s not easy. We gave it up a year ago and the kids have been totally ok friendship-wise. If you do want to allow it then qustodio allows to see everything they watch.
https://www.theguardian.com/media/2024/feb/06/social-media-algorithms-amplifying-misogynistic-content

Banned for ours, except under supervision eg in living room. So they can’t get tooooo left out. Can’t believe people think roaming it free is fine - it’s full of inappropriate stuff (and is definitely full of absolute tosh, though that’s a separate issue I suppose).

My neice learned to self harm from YouTube she struggled for years and still has the many scars.

My son is 12 and is allowed 30 minutes of YouTube a day on his phone. He mainly watches football stuff but we regularly look at what he has been watching to make sure it's nothing inappropriate. He is not allowed any social media and TikTok is a definite no and always will be.