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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

No play dates

24 replies

5amclub5 · 12/01/2025 15:54

DC2 is Year One and has never had a play date invitation. Since Year R I have had one child over to play on a weekend, and arranged to meet at the park or softplay with
a few times. Always arranged by me though, we are never asked.

My DC doesn’t have many friends (they can be a bit tricky and I try really hard to support them with this) and it makes me desperately sad. I know I could make more effort but I worry that no one wants to come to play with DC.

OP posts:

Tia86 · 12/01/2025 15:56

I don't tend to do playdates 🤷
Weekends I find most people are doing stuff with family anyway which might be why no one reciprocates your invites.

Namenamchange · 12/01/2025 15:58

Play dates tend to be reciprocal, if you’re not inviting others over often than you won’t get many back. Also some people are more open to play dates some not. Stretch out and ask others.

What does your child do that’s tricky?

mnahmnah · 12/01/2025 15:58

Are you chatty and friendly with other parents? I work full time and don’t do the school run, so I made sure I went to all the parties and football in order to get to know other parents. Play dates get arranged through the parents being friendly.

Original poster

5amclub5 · 12/01/2025 16:05

@Namenamchange he can be stroppy, and also get a bit silly and over excited. He does play fairly well with classmates at parties though.

@mnahmnah yes I do drop off most days and I socialise with some of the parents too (mum’s and dads). I think it’s very much the case that no child has asked for a play date with DC, or that parents aren’t keen to encourage a friendship with him.

OP posts:

MyDeepZebra · 12/01/2025 16:06

Play dates get arranged through the parents being friendly.

This.

Amongst my social circles, the playdates with the kids at this age and younger tend to be amongst family (cousins of the kids) or when the parents are friends. Or sometimes
when the kids are best friends at school and through that the Mums become friendly.

So a lot of the time it's the Mums naturally getting along and saying, "do you want to come over for coffee/lunch at mine and the kids can play?"

And parents don't tend to let kids go round or have the child over to theirs if they feel they don't know them well enough.

Does your child have any hobbies at the weekend that they attend? Or get invited to class parties?

Magamaga · 12/01/2025 16:08

You can’t complain that your child hasn’t been invited on playdates when you haven’t invited children to playdates to yours. Try arranging some and see what happens.

Rainbow450 · 12/01/2025 16:10

Find out who the parents are of the friends they do have and go from there. Its all about being friendly but not besties for the sake of your kids and then star asking their availability.

But it could be your kids haven't found their tribe yet and that's ok. My child had some friends from year R to year 4 and much as I tried no one wanted to know. However he changed classes in September, completely new set of friends (long story) and he's the happiest he's ever been.

This weekend he's had a sleepover and a full day playing all with new friends. So just bear with it all and it may happen in another class.

Original poster

5amclub5 · 12/01/2025 16:18

Really glad to hear your DS has found his tribe @Rainbow450 . DC school is one form entry sadly so not much of a pool of other children, there’s 30 in his class though, equal mix boys and girls.

OP posts:

JMSA · 12/01/2025 16:33

Aww, I'm sorry to hear this, OP. You're right, it is sad. But it takes time and effort.

Girasoli · 12/01/2025 16:50

It might not be a school where playdates are very popular...at our school a lot of DC are at after school club/sports club several days a week because both parents work.
Play dates tend to happen when DC live close to each other or the parents are already friends.

ItsProperlyColdOut · 12/01/2025 17:32

Have you considered joining Beaver Scouts? You could also go in as a helper.

Beavers is like being invited to a really good playdate every week and the parent helpers make friends too. It's really good if your kid is not quite socially clued in.

I was not quite socially clued in and went all the way through to Ranger Guides. It was very good.

Endofyear · 12/01/2025 20:07

Who does he play with at school? Can you invite one of his little friends back for a play and tea after school? That's what we would do, quite informal and leaves weekends free for family stuff. I would also look at Beavers or similar, it's social but there's structure and that would probably benefit your DC.

Didimum · 12/01/2025 20:30

I don’t think you need to worry about this in year one. Children socialise at their own pace.

fairycakes1234 · 12/01/2025 20:35

That will change honestly, theyre still a bit young, I did playdates when they started talking about the same friends all the time so around 6 or 7. If he has a special friend he talks to then say to your child to ask if he wants to come over and then approach parent and say they are talking about a playdate would it suit on such a day. Every parent goes through this at some stage with kids it'll work itself out

JMSA · 12/01/2025 21:05

ItsProperlyColdOut · 12/01/2025 17:32

Have you considered joining Beaver Scouts? You could also go in as a helper.

Beavers is like being invited to a really good playdate every week and the parent helpers make friends too. It's really good if your kid is not quite socially clued in.

I was not quite socially clued in and went all the way through to Ranger Guides. It was very good.

A really good idea! The most well-rounded kids have stuff going on outside of school too.

Original poster

5amclub5 · 13/01/2025 13:49

Thank you for all the tips. There are definitely some children he mentions, not all whom I would encourage a friendship with (and vice versa, I imagine) but there’s definitely one or two he mentions who I’d be happy to encourage a friendship with. I might try an informal after school play date. It’s hard work with working full time too but I feel like I’m letting him down a bit, as he’s not a social butterfly who this comes easy to.

OP posts:

HauntedPencil · 14/01/2025 12:21

I didn't do many at that age - they are hard work!

Ideally they are returned but I have found some of DcS friends never asked them back but happily accepted them - I think that as your son enjoys them I would carry on with them maybe a couple a term on a Saturday. It depends on circs too if a DC has lots of siblings cousins or family freinds around they don't necessarily need as many school friends over.

LittleRedRidingHoody · 14/01/2025 12:52

DS has absolutely loads, but I've had to take initiative to make them (important to me as he's incredibly sociable and an only child).

Just keep inviting. Some will say yes. Eventually you'll get invites back!

fairycakes1234 · 14/01/2025 12:53

Mu youngest is 10 and I constantly have kids over to the house, it's very rarely returned to br honest but I don't really care, I'm quite easy at this stage and they're easy enough, thing that drives me mad is I end up giving them all lifts home, they tell me they're allowed walk home but at 6 at night it's dark so I worry yet their parents don't? Mad

Original poster

5amclub5 · 03/02/2025 16:58

So there are definitely play dates going on as there was a group one of boys recently, and another happening soon which I found out by accident. Neither which DS has been invited to.

I feel so sad for my DS.

OP posts:

Tia86 · 03/02/2025 17:13

5amclub5 · 03/02/2025 16:58

So there are definitely play dates going on as there was a group one of boys recently, and another happening soon which I found out by accident. Neither which DS has been invited to.

I feel so sad for my DS.

Those parents might have been friends already.

Have you initiated playdates?

Original poster

5amclub5 · 03/02/2025 19:00

I am friends with those parents. We all met because our Dc were in the same class.

Yes I have initiated a few, as mentioned upthread. And I have tried reaching out to others recently.

OP posts:

Tia86 · 03/02/2025 19:01

5amclub5 · 03/02/2025 19:00

I am friends with those parents. We all met because our Dc were in the same class.

Yes I have initiated a few, as mentioned upthread. And I have tried reaching out to others recently.

What's happened when you have initiated playdates? Have they not accepted?
Have you set firm dates or have you made a general comment about we should organise a playdate?

I think you need to stop getting hung up on what others are doing.

PassingStranger · 03/02/2025 19:03

What about a birthday party op. Could you organise one and see what happens.

Be careful what you wish for lol.
You might hate it, if it actually happened. 😂

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