Moving abroad

[Mummyonthego23]

Recently my partner has come out with wanting to move abroad. We get by okay and have 2 children settled in school. I have been working on setting up my own business which should finally pay off this year. His mother has been mentioning wanting to retire abroad and have the family over there with her. She has had a lot of conversations with him about this which i was unaware of until now. He is very set on this idea to which i am not as i will have to start from scratch on everything i have been doing with my business plan not being very transferable to another county with it mainly being practicle work and direct client based. I am starting to feel very down and everything i have worked for is being pushed away like its nothing before i even start. I am not against the idea but feel it is a rash decision being pushed by his mother constantly and her retirement coming up and no thought or planning is being looked at especially with our whole family future. Am i being unreasonable or should i be going with this idea

Why the fuck had your partner been discussing this with his mother and not you?!

This is a HUGE decision to make. There are so many things to consider: What would you do for income? Where would the children go to school? How long would it take to travel there? Could you afford to come back to the UK frequently to visit friends/family? Is it an English-speaking country? (If not, do you speak the language fluently enough to be able to work, make friends etc.?)

Your partner sounds incredibly selfish and immature. I think you’re 100% entitled to be upset by their attitude.

Is he missing out the entire middle part of his life and talking about retirement with his mother?

These are exactly the things i am on about. I honestly feel she has pushed this idea and he doesn't like to upset her. She does not live near by so we rarely see her. If there was answers to these questions i would be more open to the idea. My plan for my business has been on going for last 3 years with lot of training required which is why in my final year this sudden idea to move abroad has really upset me as my client base is here and its direct contact not online or transferable to a different country without starting from scratch. But more importantly is the children they are happy and settled.

Does he have dual nationality?

What is his plan for work and is that feasible where he’s thinking of going. Does he speak the language?

No

Put your foot down no and say ‘no’.

Where are they thinking of? Brexit has made it way more difficult unless you have EU nationality.

JFC Op, he can't make you do anything. Just say no FGS.

"No I am not leaving the country, selling our house, disrupting the DC and my business to live abroad"

Repeatedly

They keep saying somewhere warm. No country picked out no research done just this constant idea and mention of we should move abroad its a better life. I will certainly not be looking at upping and moving my kids unless our future was secured. As i said im sure this is her idea more than his as she always wanted to retire in the sun.

Uhm - what visas do he (and your mother) expect to get? Especially for the elderly, almost no countries will accept them - unless they are rich enough!

Just pat his head and say 'yes, dear'. It's not going to happen so don't worry about it.

Yeah have they looked into visas? If the answer is not yet the reality might come crashing down fast

I’ve run a business myself and I can’t imagine getting my head round the bureaucracy to do so in a different country. If you’re even allowed to.

Is she really rich? You can't just move to another country like people on soap operas do. You have to get a visa and be able to support yourself. Immigrants have difficult lives.

But where will the mother go if she’s not already got dual citizenship. No where will want her. If it’s somewhere warm and likely English speaking, is she thinking australia or the US?

Sounds to me like they're living in cloud cuckoo land! They don't even know what country they want to go to? Are they well travelled, and have a selection of favourite places? Is your MIL rich? RIDICULOUS idea to up root the children, and waste all the effort you've put into training and building up your business. Seems to me that MIL, has had a dream for years, and thinks it will be easy, just sell up here, and move to ........ but unless she has dual nationality, and/or is very rich, it's likely to remain just that.

I moved with my partner to another country, his home country. Even then it took us years to properly prepare. Moving country is not easy and especially takes a lot of deliberation between you and your partner. Add in children to the mix and it is getting even a lot more harder to move. If your MIL wants to move to a sunny part of the world, let her but I would not move myselves or my children if I not truly wanted to go myselves to that country. It is turning your live around 180 degrees. And a nice warm country can be fun for so long after that you start to notice the downsides, it being too hot during parts of the day to do stuff etc. I live over a decade now in the Caribbean and it has become my home, but the move was more anticipated by me than my DH, who was born and raised here.

Mad! Why does she need you to uproot your life just to keep her company in her retirement? Are she and your DH planning on hanging out together in a retirement home together? Or are you all.expected to look after her and that's why she wants to bring you along?

Just say No.

Unless they have dual nationality or lots of money, it will be a non starter. The more pertinent question is why your partner is not talking to you first about making such a big change to your lives.