Sorry it's not aibu but wanted to post for traffic and advise. It's a long one.
I have a younger Dsis. She has always had MH issues and anger issues. Recently it has got worse and I'm worried about her and her young children. I'm not sure what to do, who to reach out to? She will cut me out if I ring children's services I think and I don't think the children are in any immediate danger. I think as a family they need help and support though.
The backstory is that she's recently been diagnosed with ASD. I strongly suspect she has PMDD too. Her mood swings get out of control and my mum has said she also felt intense rage and it was an emotional rollercoaster for her when she had her periods. She said she can see it in Dsis which I can also. In the past she has hit her partner. I was not there and she has not told me but my DM has told me. Not sure if her children were present. I know her and her partner shout and argue in front of the children. She's sent me very long messages about their fights. Me and my mum and dad feel like we walk on egg shells with her because she takes any small thing the wrong way and we won't hear from her for weeks. This has been the case for previous friends or even work colleagues of hers. She can't work because she falls out with everyone.
In the past few years she has kind of isolated herself. She doesn't work and will spend long periods of time at my DM. To the point she has a very unhealthy co dependency on my DM. She will call, text, turn up unannounced to my DM house. My DM cannot have a life and has to let Dsis know where she is at all the time. If she does not then Dsis will be angry at DM and threaten that she can't see her grand children.
Dsis has now begun fighting and arguing with her eldest school. She feels they aren't doing enough for him. She's held her other child back from education and has not told her partner she's done this. I'm concerned about her weight. She looks extremely thin.
Dsis does not acknowledge there's any problems. If anything she will blame others and not look at the common person that is her.
I'm worried what her children are seeing at home with her and her partners arguments. I don't know how she parents them but I worry what the enviroment is like with her MH being like this. I know she loves her children.
She clearly needs help and support but I don't know what to do. I don't think she will engage in help as I don't feel like she thinks there is a problem.