For not visiting extended family while on vacation this year?

[Julimsi]

Aibu for thinking if you barely talk to them on daily basis then there is no need? Last year me and my partner traveld to spain, me and my siblings childhood vacation, such fun! So we booked a vacation there and had a blast! I uploaded a pic of me and my partner in facebook so My cousin reached out, cozy but we haven’t talked since i was 12 years now soon im turning 21. we did meet with him and they drove us to where they live. Cool place but a bit far from the tourist place we where. It was cozy besides his best friend that lived 6 min away brought his big dog that wouldn’t stop jumping on me and scratching me and play bite that fckn hurted.. and them just saying the dog calms down after 20 min.. jeez. I also didn’t expect us to stay there from 1pm to 11pm.. so i just wanted to go home, but taxies where shit at driving in that location.. so we litteraly struggled to get home if it wasn’t for my cousins wife that told us she could drive us home, thank god i didnt want to stay over. Anyways!

We loved it there in spain, so we booked this year to at a nice hotel i can’t wait for! My partner got really good along with my cousin that is nice, but my partner commented that he dosnt mind visiting them this year again. I feel a bit eeehh about it. Since i don’t feel like spending the whooole day with them like last time when we only traveling for 9 days, day 9 rarely counts anyways because of early flight that day so 8 days. So much to explore. I wouldn’t mind if they meet us at a restaurant instead of their home. But its a 50/50 that i want. I know that my partner will ask me to send my cousin a message to meet up. Now we haven’t talked since that summer.

sorry my post ended up being longer than i tought.. whats your guys opinion in this?

My dh insists we go see anyone we know when we go abroad - I hate it. I’m on holiday to escape people not see more of his family lol
your last experience doesn’t sound fun and so I don’t think you’re being unreasonable

i just avoid holidaying places we know people now unfortunately.
we will go and visit family and make that the purpose of our trip but he knows I need a holiday where there’s no family involvement too 😅

however, I think you’re in a bit of a predicament as it’s your family not his and may come across rude if you didn’t visit.. if you can handle that then do what you want for sure.

So reach out to your cousin and explain it would be lovely to see them but we would prefer to stay around our hotel. They are welcome to meet for a drink if they like. And just tell your partner the truth that you dont want to go all that way out for a full day so the only way you'll meet is if they agree to come to you. No need for any dramas.

So just arrange to have a meal one night - sorted!

It's one day!!! Try to be nice

YANBU at all. Tell your partner you don’t want to be bitten by a dog again or trapped until 11pm in someone’s house, so you won’t be seeing your cousin.

Why do you think he decides about not visiting? It’s your cousin, it’s up to you if you don’t want to go, not your partner!

How old is dp?

Why not be nice to a young woman who was bitten by a dog? She doesn’t want to go back.

Seriously get a grip with the #bekind.

I wouldn't love that to be honest, i'd suggest they come to you this time, maybe offer to buy dinner? At least that way you've reached out.

If you want to see them, insist they come to you, to a restaurant. Offer to pay if necessary to sweeten the deal. Then go elsewhere next time.

I refuse to holiday anywhere we know people. I'm on Holiday! I get annoyed because we've been restricted to domestic travel (young DC, money) and everywhere nice we find, someone moves to. I was even accosted, quite rudely, at a funeral by DH's cousin because we were in the area they'd just moved to & didn't visit - two years previously. We hadn't seen them in years & were only there for three days!

I'd invite them to visit you.

Invite them to share a meal one night near the end of your stay, no dogs allowed.

If your spouse insists on going to their place, catch your own taxi there for late afternoon and then ask cousin to drive you home. Then you have only two or three hours there.

Tell him no, not happening.

Tell him the only way you would see them is if they visit you. If they’re not prepared to do that, then forget it. You’re on your holidays after all. Stand firm with him. And no need to message them either.

@Elephant9 That is very funny as I do the same!

DH ALWAYS has some random person they decide we must see, wherever we go. Or will suggest we stay with them, which just completely changes the trip.

I am like you - I’m on holiday, I don’t want to base it around some random person who happens to live there.

I also purposely don’t suggest certain places now as I know how it will end! The most recent ludicrous one was we had a ~6h drive somewhere and he suggested a stop half way for lunch with someone he used to work with. Not interesting for me, prolongs journey for kids - honestly you can guarantee anywhere we go this will happen.

Why not just say "no" to your husbands. Your opinion is as important as theirs. If they want a holiday visiting they take a week off work and do that and you have a week doing something else. Just say no.