How do you know if you're in love with someone or not?

[howdoyouknow1234]

This may seem ridiculous. I'm almost 40. I have had a couple of long term relationships. Each for 10 years. The last one was very intense and abusive.

I've been dating someone for 5 months. We get on really well. I have the feeling she is going to tell me she loves me. She's sort of hinted it and I feel like she'll say it soon. But I don't think I feel that yet.
I really like her. I like spending time with her. She has so many lovely and amazing qualities.

Does it seem odd I don't think I feel it yet?

My last relationship, my ex love bombed me and it was very intense and unhealthy. She told me she loved me within about 3 weeks but didn't show it. I didn't really feel it.

Whereas, with this person, she's been very caring and considerate, and slow, going at my pace.

Would you normally feel it by now?

I don’t think it’s odd. I’ve been with DP for nearly nine years now. About six months in I was absolutely head over heels for him but when he said he loved me I said “I can’t say that back to you yet”. Dunno why! But I just sort of wanted to be SURE.

There is absolutely no specific time limit for feelings. Go at your own pace.

Five months would be too early for me. It’s not necessary a bad sign.

You may be guarded from your previous relationship so not ready to let yourself fall in love yet. I was lovebombed my my abusive ex and thought I was in love with him within about 2 months. I think it was about a year before I felt I was in love with DH.
If everything is going well try not to overthink things and just continue to enjoy the relationship.

Dh dropped it on me 5 months in. I took longer. He was clear he didn’t expect it back, there was just a moment he wanted to tell me so he did. It was fine! (Probably obviously as he later became DH) It’s ok to be able to say you can’t say that yet.

I can’t remember how long it took me to realise I was in love. But I’ve found that a loving relationship is grounding. I feel safer and happier when I’m with him. Just a feeling that we can get through anything as long as we’re together.

I had already known DH as a friend for close to 2 years. He had the chance to move to Canada and had been out there for a couple of weeks. He had already made it known he had feelings. I missed him so much and couldn’t stand the thought of not seeing him, we got together. Within 3 months he had a job interview in Australia and was flown over for this. Again I realised just how much never seeing him was going to affect me so I accepted his proposal of marriage at 6 months of dating. He had asked me after 3 but I had said no. Together almost 28 years now. Stamped on thick ice in puddles today, made crow noises together in fields and sang excerpts from My Fair Lady along the canal and I took the piss out of him for his pronunciation of plasticine. He is most definitely my one.

I think given your past experience, it's perfectly understandable that you want to take things slowly this time. 5 months isn't that long. I would talk to your girlfriend about it and I'm sure she will understand if she's a decent person.

Thank you for your replies. That's helpful.