Of course I have the heating on!

[JustAnotherDayInNorfolk]

I have a very up and down relationship with MIL and my partner is currently suffering with the awful bug that everyone has got. I was unwell most of November and all of December with it and still coughing. DP started to feel rough yesterday and has spent all day in bed.
MIL has just called to see how he is and I have come off the phone losing the will to live!
How is ? Oh he's in bed. Has he taken anything? Yes, we had a lot of medication because I haven't been well so he has had stuff today. Has he eaten? Yes, he's had a sandwich, cups of coffee and water. Is your house warm? Yes the heating is on. Is the temperature high enough? No, I am sat in the house in the cold, of course the heating is on and of course it is high enough.

The woman is bat shit crazy - i am sure that because i am not sat by his bedside monitoring his every movement he is being neglected.
Anybody else had ridiculous comments like this??

She's sounds like a concerned mum is all.....

Some people won’t have the heating on. Some people can’t afford to have it on all the time, some people are naturally hardy, some people can afford it but would rather put a jumper on. It’s not a totally stupid question!

Sounds like she’s just concerned about her son. That bitch! Some MILs are just. the. worst.

I'm with you OP, I couldn't imagine phoning up my DIL and asking if my adult son was warm enough. It's a stupid pointless question that she's only asking to imply your incompetence - you need checking up on like a 5 year old because you can't be trusted to look after her perfect child. You're hardly going to say 'Oh goodness it hadn't occurred to me to switch on the heating or that he might benefit from being warm' are you? So what's the point in asking?

I had a mother in law like this, constantly asking me questions that implied I didn't know what I was doing or that I probably wasn't good enough - I could have punched her in the face when she asked if I was making enough breast milk for my BFed son. It was a huge relief when she died TBH. I think if you don't have that sort of rude and interfering MIL then you probably have no idea what it's like.

Thank you! Someone that gets it! He probably has tge same awful virus i had, but I've also picked up a covid test in case he wants to check if it might be covid.

He has been fed and watered again so he is not being neglected and yes, tomorrow he can ring his mother 😉

It’s absolutely lovely!

That's really not overbearing- overbearing is my mother who asks all these kind of questions every single day if she knows any of our children are unwell AND having been told to stay away turned up (drove for an hour) with calpol (for a 14 yr old !) cough mixture etc etc the fell out with me because I didn't invite her in. We had covid & she's nearly 80 🙄

Exactly this, no wonder there’s so much friction with such a lack of perspective.

Of course it is! I’m interested in how DC, their partners and the DGC are if they are ill. We don’t live close enough to just pop round and see them, so phone conversations are the norm. My lovely DDIL is quite likely to ring me with updates. As a mother herself she understands the interest stems from love.

If he needed to, if he was worried and I wasn't answering, then yes he perhaps would. You don't stop caring about your children's welfare just because they're adults.

Well, then your husband would have every right to feel exasperated like OP is.

There's a difference between caring about welfare and understanding that grown adults are quite capable of remembering to take tablets and keep warm if they're feeling crap with a bug or virus. They're all adults, he's not on death's door and the MIL needs to stop fussing and treating OP like she's an incompetent ninny.

My DH is poorly too, sounds similar to what your DH has OP!
Both FIL and MIL have rang today to see if he is ok! MIL asked similar questions - i really don't think anything of it!!
Infact i think it's nice, showing concern!

Well that's where we're different then because I wouldn't see it as fussing or whatever; it's more a parent showing an interest and making sure their children - adults or not - are ok.

Nobody's said she's a monster, she's just fussing and winding OP up with daft questions.

There wasn't a no answer to the heating question, so I don't know why you're going down that route.

A far more normal conversation would be:
'How is Paul?'
'Ah, he's feeling a bit rough, he's got that bug I had so he's in bed today.'
'Oh no, sounds rubbish - I know you felt bad with it. Keep me posted how he is or if you need anything.'

And then trusting that her adult son and his wife are two capable adults who have things in hand and who appreciate that she will be there for them if needed.

The first para was specific, the second was a general comment on the MN attitude to MILs.
She asked if he/they were warm enough; what might have been in her mind was to offer supplementary heating if they were not.

She's just concerned about her child.

To be honest, she sounds lovely.

@coolkatt What's wrong with wearing the same pyjamas as the might before?! Surely you don't change yours every single day!?

OP, the only family I have besides my DD is my elderly DM who doesn't give two hoots about me and still wouldn't if I was poorly! I think it's lovely that she cares and doesn't sound like she's overstepping. It also doesn't sound like she's criticising you, just defaulting to mum mode!
I saw a toddler trip over right in front of me and I leapt into mum mode and felt compelled to offer him a hand to help him up. (Obviously wouldn't pick up or touch a stranger's DC!) it's only natural. You never stop being a mother (except in the case of my mum of course)

Jesus Christ, you are truly horrible.

@JustAnotherDayInNorfolk have some grace the woman means well. It's her son.
I don't know if you have one, or even lost one, don't want one, have 10 or anything.
What on earth is the problem with a mother caring deeply for her son and he should have it.

There are a lot of people shivering through the cold, unable to afford heat.

I thought it all sounded rather sweet. My MIL and DM would ask most of those questions to check on either of us. A lot of people struggle with cost of living, so checking in about heating makes more sense than fresh pyjamas. She might have offered money if you said "we're keeping it on 17 because it's so expensive". Next time just hand the phone to DH if she bores you.

You don't like MIL.