To be concerned about DD’s apparent incontinence?

[BrickSeal]

DD is 6.5 and been potty trained since 3. Never been dry on a night, still wears a pull up to bed.

She consistently wets herself every single day, often twice, three times a day. Doesn’t matter if we’re at home, out or if she’s at school it seems to always happen.

DH thinks she’s lazy, I can’t believe any kid would voluntarily sit in wet pants, especially at school. Sometimes she says she knows when she needs to go but is too busy, sometimes she says she doesn’t realise.

I don't know what to do anymore.

I’ve got a referral for bladder and bowel but will take 12+ months.

I’m worried she’s going to get bullied at school.

DH thinks she need micromanaging when with us and made to goto the toilet every hour and a bit of ‘tough love’.

I think it could be medical or a ND trait (she’s often very ‘scatty’ and a real daydreamer), possibly ADHD, and she needs us to be patient.

YABU - I need to give tough love
YANBU - Sounds like she’s ND and needs support

this looks useful @BrickSeal (scroll down to daytime wetting)

@spudnik1 offers an excellent alternative too with ERIC

I had similar issues as a kid but more small leak than full on wet myself and still to this day I can sometimes leak a very tiny amount and not know until I go to the loo and see my underwear is damp.

I never got any treatment/help bar adults telling me off and I was too young to articulate I wasn't doing it on purpose

I think you need to find the money to get a private appointment before she becomes known among her classmates as "the smelly baby who wets herself". This problem will have serious social consequences. Twelve months is too lonspiciness?

What feedback have teachers given about any issues in the school environment? Does a teacher have to help her change clothing? Is her chair wiped and dried every time or does someone have to come in and mop a puddle from the floor? What have teachers said about the spaciness?

I wouldn't do "tough love" - try to talk your husband down from his feelings of frustration and powerlessness here. His idea of hourly attempts to use the loo isn't a bad one all the same.

However, I think this is going to take medical intervention, and the sooner the better.

For "lonspiciness" (thanks, phone and wtf?) read "too long to wait".

I wouldn't do "tough love" - try to talk your husband down from his feelings of frustration and powerlessness here. His idea of hourly attempts to use the loo isn't a bad one all the same

i disagree- constantly emptying her bladder means it never fills enough for her to learn the sensation of a full bladder that triggers the brain to realise the bladder needs emptying.

it’s a mistake a lot of people make, especially with night time wetting- withholding fluids, waking them to go to the toilet etc.

counterintuitively we were advised to start giving a lot of fluid- so she needs to wee and starts getting the biofeedback mechanism to wake/alert her when she needed the toilet.

one more thing, a lot of kids in our family seem sensitive to fruits such as blackcurrant, strawberries etc. it irritates and mimics a UTI which often means continence is affected.

As a couple of other posters have said about their little ones/themselves, she isn’t wetting to the point there is a puddle, it’s small amounts, just enough to wet her pants and since she doesn’t tell us, you don’t know until the end of the day when you can smell her underwear.

To reply to a couple of posters also, my DH isn’t being a dick as such, he’s just very much concerned for her and is worried she’ll end up being bullied. To be clear, his idea of tough love isn’t to lock her in a toilet, it’s to be honest with her about the reality about what other kids might say to her if it continues. He’s frustrated more than anything beside he just wants the best for her. I probably worded it badly in my original post.

Don’t worry, I worked it out after a couple of reads 😂

I did goto the docs when she turned 6 and they said they wouldn’t assess her until she was 7 as they felt that was the age it became abnormal. Ive been hoping she will grow out of it but sadly it’s as bad as it’s ever been.

7 is (sort of) the age nighttime wetting could be considered abnormal, but it's already unusual to be having regular daytime wetting. Most common reason after constipation is not drinking enough, so the concentrated wee makes the bladder irritated. What does she drink, how much does she drink, and how is it spaced through the day? Well worth a look at www.eric.org.uk

Doesn't solve the problem, but less of a backward step than reverting to nappies, if it's just small mounts of wee, would panty liners help?

Can you post the link of the watch please?

My DD was referred at 7 to the continence nurse, although she also has a Constipation issue which is part of it, but all the advice this poster gave we were given too.

So lots more liquids because the bladder isn't learning what it's like to be full (or something like that). It worked quite quickly which made me think that a part of it was psychological or day-dreamy because it was almost like once she was getting "the medicine" it got better if you see what I mean. The ERIC watch sounds a good idea that someone else mentioned too that would fit with the guidance we were given

@BrickSeal if you think it might be because she’s ND, have you managed to get her into the assessment pathway yet?

It's very common. Ds had issues both day and night. Basically, he had a twitchy bladder so in the day just couldn't hold on the minute his brain got the signal and at night his body wasn't producing the hormones. He took desmopressin for the nights and solifenecin for the day time ( tried 2 other meds for the day but one didn't work and one had side effects).

Things that helped. No red squash ever. Drinking plenty of liquid in the morning and reducing liquids after 5 pm. No constipation so a regular maintenance dose of movicol. Please don't use "tough love" and shame her, she cannot control this and it's really not laziness. Instead, lots of reminders from you and the teacher.

Hope you get a bladder and bowel appointment sooner than a year....that's an appalling wait.

@Mumoftwo367743there are some on the ERic website. I can't recommend as I didn't use them. We used a nighttime alarm.

Have a look: shop.eric.org.uk/products/tabtime-vibrating-watch-black?_pos=3&_psq=watch&_ss=e&_v=1.0

My autistic son is like this and is 7 and still wears pull ups. The v
Bladder and bowel team didn't really help me but definitely use that appointment when it finally comes through.