To worry that if this is how I feel and think that I will never enjoy parenting or be a good mum?

[Yeoopa]

Ds is 2.5. There’s some lovely moments and I put so much effort into his well-being … but… I absolutely can’t stand just playing with him. It makes me feel so miserable. I can go to cafes or on a walk or to the zoo or to family etc and even though he has tantrums or can be difficult I seem to manage it better as I’m out of the house with a change of scenery and can focus on the fact I will have a coffee or time in the car to think etc without being pestered ( I know this sounds awful).

But when I actually have to sit and play at home or even if we are out in a cafe and he wants attention I honestly hate it. I do it and of course I engage with him but I hate it. At home I can’t stand all the stuff going everywhere, can’t stand the constant ‘mama mama,’ the tantrums out of the blue and my house being a state. I feel so miserable. His dad sees him a lot and takes him out or does playtime with him at home and he also goes to nursery so he does get chance to play. But I am so worried that not only am I a terrible mum now but I also can’t see it changing. I get bored easily and I genuinely find it really boring being around him. I love him and do have happy moments but I don’t find it fun to play with animals and pretend they’ve bitten me or that we are shopping in an imaginary shop. I feel like I’m losing my mind. I’m always going to be so much older than him and I worry I will never be able to be a good mum in a way I should be as I just hate spending time in this way. I know I sound awful. Please be kind.

Plenty of mums will come on and say they've never enjoyed playing. It's quite common.

Some will have avoided ever having to, with a combination of days out/staying busy out and about/nursery, etc, and some will have just found either games that they hate less, or ways to tolerate it. I think it'd be a rare mum that lavished every second of it, to be honest... my son is a little older than yours and his favourite thing right now is building a Paw Patrol tower out of Magnatiles, and it's so dull... I just look for things that are enjoyable about it, and try to remember that the connection time is infinitely valuable for him.

They only need to play for a relatively short period, really, and then they'll want screens/games/friends, and then it'll be onto young adulthood. It feels long when you're in it, but it's not forever.

he wants attention I honestly hate it - That bit seems a little worrying, though, because that's deeper than a dislike of playing. Do you overall feel okay with parenting, and in yourself? Do you still find joy in other things?

@YouveGotAFastCar thanks. The attention thing is more the constant mamma mamma. I really don’t cope well with it though I try to hide it from him. I just feel so bored of it. I feel like everything interesting I used to know about and talk about is just gone and replaced by utter monotony of pushing a swing or clearing ip play dough or other mess

I'm a teacher of small children and I hate playing with my own children! When my daughter says 'let's play Barbies' my heart sinks. But I love chatting to them, cuddling them, interacting with them in a way that isn't pretend play. My husband has mastered the art of doing games where he is lying down and the children play doctors or give him a makeover or spa treatment and that keeps them happy but even that annoys me!

I think I'm a good mum with confident, happy, well adjusted children but I do not enjoy pretend play. There are some ways around it. If I feel like I have to do it, I set a time limit but really give my all in the time we play (20 mins).

I try to find other things to do, like colour in beside eachother and chat. We get the connection and they think I'm involved, but I can kins of tune out and I actually quite enjoy it.

I also quite like making stuff so don't mind building blocks with my kids, like duplo, blocks etc.

Having a little picnic on the floor or in a cafe is a nice way to connect together and feels a bit novel.

Ultimately, you don't have to do pretend play with your child all the time. Children should not be entertained all the time as I think being left to their own devices can help promote their own imagination. Your child will get older and develop other interests more independently so this is just a short phase: it will pass! I've seen children whose parent constantly interact, stimulate and entertain them end up being unable to do any othe above by themselves. The most important thing is connection; seeing your child, interacting with them and demonstrating that you like and love them, you enjoy their company amd find them funny amd enjoyable to be around. It doesn't have to be play.

Don't beat yourself up about this!

Ps on a very hard day, I remember sitting on the floor with an ear pod in one ear, listening to a podcast while playing along with one of my kids. It helped!

I feel same as you. Turns out I'm autistic so those things are very hard for me. I try to be a mum in the ways that do work for me rather than trying to force what doesn't, when they can get that from other people. We all have different strengths and that's ok.

There were times when mine was this age that I remember thinking I might have a total nervous breakdown if I didn’t get a break from the constant demands for playing. I would feel this kind of panicked desperation.

It helped me to remember that this is probably what my DC felt like when I tried to get him to brush his teeth, or sit at the table, or eat broccoli. It’s hard to come into one another’s worlds and do what the other person wants, particularly when you’re asked to do so all the time.

Also I was fucking knackered. That has a huge effect on your patience and playfulness. And 2.5 is a full-on age.

We can’t all love every moment of parenting. There will be different ages and stages that feel easier for you, OP. You sound like you more doing fine - don’t let yourself worry about this. It’s OK and totally normal to want to crawl out of your skin with boredom sometimes.

It was really helpful to me chatting to a woman who had older children than mine, who was unapologetic about her inability to play. She said she was just not very playful - her husband was, and her kids had friends their own age who were much better at playing shop or whatever than she was. She recognised the value in the parenting activities she did enjoy - teaching her kids things, and caring and providing, and organising / facilitating activities for them. And talking / being a sounding board when they were older.

Oh, one of my kids is a real 'mummy, mummy' type so I do get how draining it can be and have had to stifle a frustrated 'WHAT!' a few times at least. I love being a mum and do find it cones naturally to me and I still find it quite grating after a while. I'm a big believer in affection and affirmative words as big compensators for my other parenting failings and will happily play silly huggy, kissy games and interact like that. As long as you're pouring into your child's emotional cup frequently, you don't need to feel guilty about not being over the moon about a pretend ice cream shop.

They change so much so different ages may be more enjoyable

I remember feeling the same. Honestly I hated everything until DS was probably over 3, then he started being his own personality.

Each year I've found I love it more, the older he's got, the more I enjoy being his mum. He's about to turn 17 now, he's awesome.

I had severe PND, it was horrible. I'm also possibly autistic (as is DS) so that didn't help.

But honestly, its not always bad, some of us just aren't made for the toddler years!

You're not unreasonable - playing with very small children is pretty boring! We do it because we love them but I don't know many parents who actually enjoy it! It gets better as they get older and I didn't mind playing board games/card games as much (although the endless games of top trumps were pretty soul destroying!) Also, when they get older you can invite other children round to play and take yourself out of the equation!

Please don't beat yourself up OP, you are completely normal. You're a good mum and your little one is loved and cared for.