First overnight stay with partners children

[strawberrysea]

I'm in a fairly new relationship with a man, we met in May and things are going very well. Discussions about marriage and the future etc.

He has two children from a previous relationship aged 6 and 9.

I met his children for the first time a couple of weeks ago. The meeting went brilliantly and we got on very well. I haven't spent any time with them since.

This Sunday we are all going out together to the zoo (second time meeting them) and then my boyfriend suggested that I come home with them and spend the night.

I guess my AIBU is AIBU to think that this is too soon for an overnight stay with them? I'm really apprehensive about it. Boyfriend has said that he completely understands and is absolutely fine with whether I stay or go but at the same time has made it clear that he is very keen for me to stay. I don't have children myself so I would appreciate advice from those that do on how you would proceed or how in theory you would want your ex's new partner to proceed in this situation. Thanks in advance.

I wouldn't. He needs to parent his own children. I think a day with them is enough.
I'd also think about if you want kids and how that would fit with him having two kids already.

Absolutely agree with this.

He comes as a package now. Well either that or he doesn't, but if it's that, then he's a deadbeat dad and who wants that. So let's assume he comes as a package.

Honestly op, you don't have kids yet, so you won't know it, but that's massive. I have kids, and know how hard they are and I love them to bits, so because of that, no man on this earth is worth me being a step mum for. I couldn't think of anything worse.

But there are wonderful women out there who are able to welcome other peoples kids with open arms.

So maybe that's you and it's ok.

I'm just saying go careful. The ages they are at now are easy, not so much when they're teenagers.

Unless he has his kids FT, then this would really annoy me.

If he has his kids less than 50/50 he should be spending the time with them and not his new gf.

He can see you on the days he doesn’t have them.

Honestly, my alarm bells would be ringing and I’d be concerned that he wants you involved for the wrong reasons.

If he has the kids FT then he may be more genuine but I still think meeting them during the daytime for a few more sessions would be best.

After only eight months, I wouldn’t even be doing the zoo trip. I’d keep it to small more local outings. Easier for the children to digest and get used to, definitely don’t be spending the night. After such a big day they’ll need time and privacy in their own space to decompress and be with their parent.

I have no idea why your partner has even suggested this.

You will have met them twice and then they will know you're in their dads bed when they stay over.

No, far too soon.

You need to see them and get to know them for a much longer period of time before you sleep over when they sleep over.

I'm a single mum and my children are the same age as your partner's children.

I think your apprehension and the fact you've posted shows it's probably too early to stay over yet. I think just doing a full day out will be enough - i think my children would be a bit surprised and overwhelmed for a new person to stay over after meeting just twice. They would still be getting used to the idea that they are having to share a parent with another adult they don't know. I think daytime meetings are the way to go for now.

And I think my children would be fairly chilled out by the whole thing - your partner's children may not be.

When the time comes, I agree with previous posters about not letting them into the bed with you and making sure you don't get sucked in to the parenting.

Good luck, you sound very sensible.