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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how to make this work situation, work?

50 replies

Season0fthesticks · 10/01/2025 15:42

I have 4 children.
My three children go to school at 9am and my youngest has just started nursery and goes at 10am.

I need to be in work at 8am.
My partner starts at 7am.

My mum used to help out with getting the children to school and sitting with my youngest (she's not currently working due to health issues) but the job centre have put on her a required work experience course.

She starts the course at 9.30.

I cannot move my hours of work, all I can do is leave the job and hope for a more understanding job but I'd still only be part time as I need to be back to pick my youngest up at 2. No money to pay for a childminder either

Nursery has no space to take her on full time, it's school Nursery.

Got hauled into the job centre as she's now 3 so they see no reason I can't work more hours, I'm on weekly appointments but they don't seem to be understanding of how difficult this is. And during said weekly appointments, I also can't take any of my children in 🤨

OP posts:
TeenLifeMum · 10/01/2025 15:45

You find a different nursery that starts earlier and pay to top up the hours or a cm who drops off dc at school and dc at nursery. You work but earn nothing after childcare knowing it’s only short term. It’s a very short time in the scheme of things. It’s hard but it’ll be for a year (2 max).

Ihatemondays1962 · 10/01/2025 15:46

Are there other relatives available to help? Is there any flexibility in your partners job?

If not the main options are to pay a childminder or one of you has to change jobs to an evening job when the other is home to do childcare.

Original poster
Season0fthesticks · 10/01/2025 15:48

TeenLifeMum · 10/01/2025 15:45

You find a different nursery that starts earlier and pay to top up the hours or a cm who drops off dc at school and dc at nursery. You work but earn nothing after childcare knowing it’s only short term. It’s a very short time in the scheme of things. It’s hard but it’ll be for a year (2 max).

Unfortunately I don't have the money for a childminder
And the other available nursery is also a school one, 25 minutes in the other direction but I still have 3 children to take to school

OP posts:
Original poster
Season0fthesticks · 10/01/2025 15:50

Ihatemondays1962 · 10/01/2025 15:46

Are there other relatives available to help? Is there any flexibility in your partners job?

If not the main options are to pay a childminder or one of you has to change jobs to an evening job when the other is home to do childcare.

My partner does have some flexibility but he still needs to be at work before 9 so isn't much use changing it
Evening jobs are so rare here and the thought of having weekly UC appointments fill me with dread. The lady booked my next one for Thursday, at 3.30pm
My children only get out at 3! And I can't even take them with me (she did say no children) it's such a difficult system

OP posts:
berksandbeyond · 10/01/2025 15:52

What kind of weird nursery is 10-2?!

You'll need to pay for a childminder, you'll get funded hours the same as you would for the nursery?

JimHalpertsWife · 10/01/2025 15:55

Unfortunately I don't have the money for a childminder

Run the figures through a benefits calculator online as if you have childminder. It may well show that 80% of your childminder bill is covered by UC.

Does your children's school have a breakfast club?

Shinyandnew1 · 10/01/2025 15:55

Nursery has no space to take her on full time, it's school Nursery.

That's an odd start time for a school nursery!

Do they not open at 9?

FrannyScraps · 10/01/2025 15:56

Where do you live?

You need to use a childminder instead of the nursery. However you're funding rhe nursery, switch it to the cm.

You'll have even less money if you quit your job.

LIZS · 10/01/2025 15:58

Find alternative childcare that takes funding? How old is the youngest ? How long is the course? If she is unfit to work why is she mandated to take a course?

parietal · 10/01/2025 16:01

how long does your Mum's course last? if it is only a week or two, then try to juggle by asking (paying) another school mum to take your baby for the extra hour

otherwise, look for any other childcare options with a longer day covered.

itsgettingweird · 10/01/2025 16:02

You might find if there's a day nursery near you that's with funding and some UC childcare payments that will work out financially better for you - but if not it may not cost more and affect your income you'll just be working longer for no more lonely iyswim?

Yale ten children to the appointment. Make it clear you have 4 children and cannot just leave them for an appointment and you've stated this.

Ask for help with finding childminders either side of school - I'm sure if they insist a parent works and find childcare they have a list of available childcare to support you.

But more importantly tell your life coach what you are doing to improve your situation rather than "I can't".

If you say I'm looking for a childminder, looking for day nursery etc they'll understand it's not a refusal.

StormingNorman · 10/01/2025 16:04

You need to find childcare that works around your job. A childminder or a different nursery.

OR

You change your job to one with opposing hours to your partner e.g evenings and/or weekends. Supermarkets or hospitality might give you the shift pattern you need to make it work.

Original poster
Season0fthesticks · 10/01/2025 16:08

The nursery are short staffed sadly and so children that started in January can only attend 10-2

I don't really want to change her nursery as it's attached to the school she will be attending

It doesn't make sense I know but I don't want childcare help from UC, it looks stressful, seen horror stories of people not paid on time. We currently get 0 from UC anyway

OP posts:
TeenLifeMum · 10/01/2025 16:09

Nursery being attached to the nursery really means nothing ime, they’re too young to get the link.

JimHalpertsWife · 10/01/2025 16:10

I don't really want to change her nursery as it's attached to the school she will be attending

You know attending the nursery doesn't increase her chance of being allocated that school right?

It doesn't make sense I know but I don't want childcare help from UC, it looks stressful, seen horror stories of people not paid on time. We currently get 0 from UC anyway

Well, run the numbers and see if it changes.

You can't really say "how do we make this work" and then poo poo the options based solely on your preferences rather than need. You need childcare earlier to be able to work. Your "nice to haves" come second to that.

Newyearpug · 10/01/2025 16:10

If you get no money from universal credit
Why do you have to attend weekly meetings at the job centre

Justme2023123 · 10/01/2025 16:10

Could you use some annual leave to cover the time your mum is on the course?

Original poster
Season0fthesticks · 10/01/2025 16:11

Newyearpug · 10/01/2025 16:10

If you get no money from universal credit
Why do you have to attend weekly meetings at the job centre

Because my partner doesn't earn enough to stop the meetings I guess

OP posts:
Original poster
Season0fthesticks · 10/01/2025 16:12

Justme2023123 · 10/01/2025 16:10

Could you use some annual leave to cover the time your mum is on the course?

I don't know how long her course is
Somebody asked if she has health problems, why is she working.
Uc think she is fit to work
So going on work experience gives her up to date experience

OP posts:
flipent · 10/01/2025 16:12

Season0fthesticks · 10/01/2025 16:11

Because my partner doesn't earn enough to stop the meetings I guess

Show quote history

Your partners earnings have nothing to do with the meetings.

The meetings are only related to the benefits you claim - so if you're not getting any UC which benefits are you receiving?

DollopOfFun · 10/01/2025 16:14

Season0fthesticks · 10/01/2025 16:11

Because my partner doesn't earn enough to stop the meetings I guess

Show quote history

If they're not giving you any money, they can't ask you to go to meetings surely? Why would anyone do that?

LIZS · 10/01/2025 16:15

Season0fthesticks · 10/01/2025 16:08

The nursery are short staffed sadly and so children that started in January can only attend 10-2

I don't really want to change her nursery as it's attached to the school she will be attending

It doesn't make sense I know but I don't want childcare help from UC, it looks stressful, seen horror stories of people not paid on time. We currently get 0 from UC anyway

It is not universal credit but the early years funded hours for 3/4 year olds and FEET for 2 year olds.

Original poster
Season0fthesticks · 10/01/2025 16:18

DollopOfFun · 10/01/2025 16:14

If they're not giving you any money, they can't ask you to go to meetings surely? Why would anyone do that?

Show quote history

No idea
Haven't had a UC payment since November but I've been working that time

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 10/01/2025 16:45

Season0fthesticks · 10/01/2025 15:48

Unfortunately I don't have the money for a childminder
And the other available nursery is also a school one, 25 minutes in the other direction but I still have 3 children to take to school

Show quote history

How long is her course for?

Vaxtable · 10/01/2025 16:50

Put the kids into breakfast club? Then look to see if your employer will change yours hours in the morning? Although that May impact picking up your kid from nursery but could they stay longer?