Amsterdam yay or nay

7698mom · 2025-01-10T09:45:14+00:00

So my hubby is organising his brothers stags the men were joking about Amsterdam but I said it’s up to him if he wants to go just take into consideration that the men he’s going with one has no control over drink/drugs(previous stag party shows this) three might smoke weed/drink a few drinks and one doesn’t even drink more than 2 pints and never smoked. So straight away he said no he’s not going to do it anyways (plus one or two of the girls there married to don’t have much trust in them) but honestly I’m not bothered by him going because i trust him and then I joined a new women’s group (mainly older women50+) (I’m 28& some in their 30s)and they’re suggesting that sometime in the future we could all go to Amsterdam or lanzarote (for to try the weed,I’ve been to ams with DH b4) for a girls trip. Now because I don’t really know them so I obviously wouldn’t go until I knew them better but on my mind is that he’s chosen not to go I assume for the above reasons but I feel like an asshole for saying it to him. Is this double standards? Am I being unreasonable in wanting to go to Amsterdam

MidnightPatrol · 10/01/2025 09:50

YABU if you’re saying he can’t go with his mates, but it’s ok for you to go with yours.

Coldcoldwinterweather · 10/01/2025 09:58

I would be very suspicious about why he is so keen to go to Amsterdam.
It doesn't take a lot of imagination to know what he expects to be doing there.

If you are OK with that and think it's ok so long as you and your friends get to do similar then fine. If that's the type of marriage you have great.

But personally I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with a man who obviously has a hankering for the single life.

Original poster

7698mom · 10/01/2025 09:59

MidnightPatrol · 10/01/2025 09:50

YABU if you’re saying he can’t go with his mates, but it’s ok for you to go with yours.

I never said he couldn’t go, I told him to keep in mind that one of them doesn’t drink more than two drinks, one of them was trouble with drugs(caused murder with the groom on the last stags…gave him black eyes and a broken nose days before the wedding) and the one who doesn’t drink or smoke normal tobacco is his brother(the groom)

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Original poster

7698mom · 10/01/2025 10:00

Ment to add the one who doesn’t drink or even smoke normal tobacco is his brother…..the groom

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EarlofShrewsbury · 10/01/2025 10:01

You don't need to drink, smoke or visit sex workers to have a good time in Amsterdam.

It's my favourite city in the world.

ComtesseDeSpair · 10/01/2025 10:02

They’ll be able to drink too much anywhere and the people who want to find drugs will also be able to do that wherever they go, and it sounds like it’s a mixed enough group that some of them will probably do that and some of them probably call it a night early. Amsterdam is a great city just for having a good late late nightlife scene and lots of different bars open late, hence why it’s popular with group holidays. If you don’t trust DH then it doesn’t really matter where he goes, and that’s the problem you need to address, not the destination somebody else has chosen for a stag weekend.

PromiseNotToCall · 10/01/2025 10:02

Well, they're going there for a reason. To get high and peruse De Wallen.

Frostine · 10/01/2025 10:04

How likely is he to be happy to go with the crowd ( so to speak ) and end up in a seedy club ( strippers , sex shows , lap dancers etc ) if the majority are getting
" extras " , would be to with the flow ?

ilovesooty · 10/01/2025 10:05

EarlofShrewsbury · 10/01/2025 10:01

You don't need to drink, smoke or visit sex workers to have a good time in Amsterdam.

It's my favourite city in the world.

Agreed.

BlackChunkyBoots · 10/01/2025 10:07

EarlofShrewsbury · 10/01/2025 10:01

You don't need to drink, smoke or visit sex workers to have a good time in Amsterdam.

It's my favourite city in the world.

Agree. I like the museums, the canals, the restaurants, the people, the markets, the trams and the licorice.

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 10/01/2025 10:08

Does his Non Smoking /Non Drinking/Soon To Be Married Brother want to go to Amsterdam?

BaronessBomburst · 10/01/2025 10:08

Amsterdam is beautiful and has great museums. The shopping is okay, but other Dutch cities have similar with fewer tourists.
Other Dutch cities also have drink, drugs, and sex workers, but not so immediately obvious or accessible as in Amsterdam.
So, yay or nay? It depends what you're looking for.

BeensOnToost · 10/01/2025 10:13

Your reasons and groups are totally different so no, not double standards.

I strongly question why your DH is organising a stag do though if the group are wild and your husband is truly a homebody. Sounds stressful.

If the stag and group are wanting to go wild, surely that will happen anywhere? So do you really trust him? If so, why the need to weigh in on Amsterdam? If the lads are going to be feral there on a pub crawl, they will be feral anywhere.

It's so completely not my husbands cup of tea that 1. He wouldn't go. 2. He would never be asked to organise that sort of Do; the groom would pick somewhere else.

Original poster

7698mom · 10/01/2025 10:16

Please actually read the post before anymore comments because nearly anyone is

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omelettenipples · 10/01/2025 10:17

Amsterdam isn't just weed and prostitution. It's a fabulous city, has great museums and restaurants, and you can walk for hours just for the canals and architecture.

Coldcoldwinterweather · 10/01/2025 10:20

EarlofShrewsbury · 10/01/2025 10:01

You don't need to drink, smoke or visit sex workers to have a good time in Amsterdam.

It's my favourite city in the world.

You don't need to but you must be have lost touch with reality if you think stag parties go there to look at the scenery.
They go there for the drink, sex workers and possibly drugs.
The statistics are that about a quarter of " men" on stag dos cheat on their partners.

ComtesseDeSpair · 10/01/2025 10:20

7698mom · 10/01/2025 10:16

Please actually read the post before anymore comments because nearly anyone is

If nobody is answering the question you think you’ve asked, then you probably haven’t phrased it very clearly. What is the issue, and what would you like advice on?

Original poster

7698mom · 10/01/2025 10:22

BeensOnToost · 10/01/2025 10:13

Your reasons and groups are totally different so no, not double standards.

I strongly question why your DH is organising a stag do though if the group are wild and your husband is truly a homebody. Sounds stressful.

If the stag and group are wanting to go wild, surely that will happen anywhere? So do you really trust him? If so, why the need to weigh in on Amsterdam? If the lads are going to be feral there on a pub crawl, they will be feral anywhere.

It's so completely not my husbands cup of tea that 1. He wouldn't go. 2. He would never be asked to organise that sort of Do; the groom would pick somewhere else.

My husband is organising it because his brother asked him to, thank you for actually reading the post not many did. He really is a homebody, he would rather have a drink in a local pub/home with family than go to a nightclub with friends. He is stressed over trying to find something to do and it was a suggestion about Amsterdam from the lads, but even the brother wouldn’t like that so he’s said no. I just don’t know why I feel like it’s double standard and both of us genuinely trust each other 100% like both of us could say we’re going anywhere we want, when we want with who we want(not that we do lol) but the trust is there

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Original poster

7698mom · 10/01/2025 10:25

omelettenipples · 10/01/2025 10:17

Amsterdam isn't just weed and prostitution. It's a fabulous city, has great museums and restaurants, and you can walk for hours just for the canals and architecture.

I was there before with my husband and we had a fantastic time, we seen and done so much my legs were killing me after. We only had 2 days and we tried to go everywhere and see as much as we could. We obviously missed loads. We didn’t visit the red light or smoke weed, That’s why I want to go back with the girls but the boys want to go for drink weed(maybe girls? I don’t know only they would know)

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BeensOnToost · 10/01/2025 10:28

7698mom · 10/01/2025 10:22

My husband is organising it because his brother asked him to, thank you for actually reading the post not many did. He really is a homebody, he would rather have a drink in a local pub/home with family than go to a nightclub with friends. He is stressed over trying to find something to do and it was a suggestion about Amsterdam from the lads, but even the brother wouldn’t like that so he’s said no. I just don’t know why I feel like it’s double standard and both of us genuinely trust each other 100% like both of us could say we’re going anywhere we want, when we want with who we want(not that we do lol) but the trust is there

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I think he's done the right thing, Amsterdam doesn't sound like the right fit for the groom.

Sounds like the friends just want the excuse to go. Perhaps the compromise for them is to spend the day doing something the groom wants to do and have it lead into a local night out, that way everyone can move at their own pace and step out when the wild lads want to carry on. It's just an unfortunate part of the Best Man rile that your DH will have to benthe unpopular naysayer to Amsterdam so thst groom doesn't have to deal with it.

And as long as your DH really isn't up for Amsterdam then it doesn't preclude you going or being called a hypocrit. Even if it does, fuck 'em, your DH and the groom know better and they are your family so who cares what the friends might say. If they are otherwise reasonable, normal men who just go a little wild on nights out, they probably won't even give much thought to your trip when it rolls around because the two things aren't linked x

BeensOnToost · 10/01/2025 10:36

BeensOnToost · 10/01/2025 10:28

I think he's done the right thing, Amsterdam doesn't sound like the right fit for the groom.

Sounds like the friends just want the excuse to go. Perhaps the compromise for them is to spend the day doing something the groom wants to do and have it lead into a local night out, that way everyone can move at their own pace and step out when the wild lads want to carry on. It's just an unfortunate part of the Best Man rile that your DH will have to benthe unpopular naysayer to Amsterdam so thst groom doesn't have to deal with it.

And as long as your DH really isn't up for Amsterdam then it doesn't preclude you going or being called a hypocrit. Even if it does, fuck 'em, your DH and the groom know better and they are your family so who cares what the friends might say. If they are otherwise reasonable, normal men who just go a little wild on nights out, they probably won't even give much thought to your trip when it rolls around because the two things aren't linked x

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I'd also add that it might be helpful for DH to take charge and offer a couple of options - one locally, like axe throwing/VR in one of those games places, followed by food and drinks in a nearby city, or something further afield with an overnight stay doing something similar, perhaps themed around the locality e.g. local rural meat (deer, boar burgers) and drink (cider, whisky), clay shooting, followed by night out.

Hopefully most will vote to stay local to save money and cover the grooms costs over going away to do much the same thing. And having activities and start times planned might delay the drinking until the evening so the wonder ones aren't all pissed by noon and a burden on the groom and dh to manage their behaviour.

DappledThings · 10/01/2025 11:08

So your husband doesn't actually want to go to Amsterdam. You've suggested it might not be best fit for the whole group and he's agreed. You didn't ban him from going.

But you want to go. What's the issue? He didn't want to go so isn't and you do want to.

toomuchfaff · 10/01/2025 11:58

This.

YABU to even say - people smoke drugs, sex workers blah blah.

one of them doesn’t drink more than two drinks, Not everyone HAS to drink, this person will have the same issue in Wales as they would in Amsterdam.

one of them was trouble with drugs(caused murder with the groom on the last stags…gave him black eyes and a broken nose days before the wedding)
Maybe this guy SHOULDNT be invited if he's such an idiot? They need to think who they are inviting, what they want from the holiday vs "he needs to be invited because he's John" - if someone is a dick, don't invite them.
and the one who doesn’t drink or smoke normal tobacco is his brother(the groom)
It's a city, people live there. People work there. Not everyone is a drunken arsehole high on drugs.