Is it normal to share this much info at work -or am I AIBU?

[Stor78]

I have a colleague at work - a senior middle-aged individual who, by all accounts, isn’t overly friendly with many people. We work together a lot and have a good, respectful relationship. Still, I am often stunned by what he shares with me (for context, City/professional services/stiff environment): 1. about his issues in childhood, 2. estrangement from his father, 3. his financial concerns, 4. he complains that his wife isn’t making much, so it’s all on him. 5 how he can’t go on holiday, and many more things. He will often call when we are WFH, delve into personal subjects, or comment about me. I don’t get it; I wouldn’t share this information with someone from work but only with my closest friends, etc. Maybe this is acceptable in some lines of work, but people at my workplace usually don’t go this deep. I normally just listen, and I am sympathetic, but it’s just so odd and I find it bizarre. Isn’t it or am I being unreasonable?

This is my life too! And I have transferred it to both of my now adult dc. We call it having the 'trauma dump' face 🤣

In every work place I have ever had that's full time you see these people often more than your actual family. We all knew everything about each other. I now work with all men and they seem to share more than anyone I'm not sure if that's becasue I'm a woman or they all know this information about each other. But I always feel when they start sharing I have been accepted as one of them lol. Do they question you about your life. If you are uncomfortable with their sharing just tell them you are not really sharer and you find it distracting from your current tasks

I don't think your colleague is being strange, some people are just more open than others. I'm a very open person and most of my colleagues are too. We spend all day together, 5 days a week. We discuss all kinds of things and if we only talked 'work' then that would make the day very dull.

Yes. I get this too. I think it is the sign of a good listener.

So many people will listen to a conversation just to the point they can jump in and tell you about how it relates to them. If you are a truly active and sympathetic listener people open up.

We WFH a lot and can sometimes only see each other once weekly in the office, plus he sits on the other side of the floor. He hardly speaks to others. I have met some of my closest friends at work, but I don't have the urge to share my childhood trauma at work.

Yes and no! I have had some interesting conversations over the years with people, though—strangers, I mean.

This was me in my old job. I dreadfully overshared. The truth is my relationship was awful at the time and I barely saw my friends due to childcare restrictions and off loading to colleagues was a lifeline. I left the job but still feel close to those people as we became like family. I totally changed in my next role and have been much more professional. It was just symbolic of me struggling at the time.

I think he just probably sees you as a friend, if you can tolerate it & he’s not unprofessional then I think it’s ok. Continue to keep
ypur life as private as you want to.

This would be fine with me in a face to gace working environment. My colleagues and I shared lots of stuff. But over a screen or whatever, working from home, I think I'd find it more odd or uncomfortable.

But then I hate the idea of WFH anyway! I need to be in the physical presence of people, to communicate effectively and comfortably.

I also have a colleague like this. I did find it interesting when I was very empathetic to another colleague who was genuinely struggling (various health diagnoses) and the oversharing colleague who likes to yap on about his problems daily had zero empathy! He was looking around as if bored and nudging me to move on.

Afterwards he declared "you know he only went on and on like that because you let him, he just wanted the attention." That's when the penny dropped and I realised that he had been manipulating me for attention the whole time, from that point on I stopped listening to or engaging with his moaning from then on. He still tries, but when he doesn't get a response moves on thankfully.

None of this is info that I, personally, would share at work. But some people are very quick to vent and offload. I once asked a colleague (not in my department, no frequent contact) a brief professional question and got back a 3-paragraph rant about her bastard ex husband. Given her general chaotic vibe I wasn't totally stunned and I just ignored it and said thanks for the info (that she did provide, buried at the end of the rant).

Conversely some people are quite buttoned-up and lonely, and when they start to unload it's like the floodgates open. I'd guess this is more what's going on here because that's a lot of info he's sharing.

The latter has happened to friends - not coincidentally, the friends I've felt comfortable talking about deep and traumatic things with (I don't think I was trauma-dumping on them though). It's never happened to me. I definitely don't look like a good listener (resting bitch face for miles) though. I don't think it's just chance that the OP is the type to have random interesting conversations with strangers!

Exactly. I am not some uptight person who does not share anything- I am open and vent about work, etc. But I don’t go and tell my colleagues about my parent's divorce, childhood issues, financial difficulties, etc. I am just bemused as I wouldn’t go and share how I am estranged from my father, etc.