Is this attention seeking?

[user1471516498]

I am in hospital with a flare up of a chronic illness, and have been told that I will need an NG tube for 3 months. I work from home 4 days out of 5, so once I am out of hospital, I should be able to go straight gack to work.

My line manager knows that I am in hospital, and came to visit me this afternoon. She seemed very awkward all of the time she was there, and asked how long I would have the tube in. She then asked if I could not come into the office with the tube in, because it would make people uncomfortable and it felt like attention seeking. She also made a point of saying that there would be no disciplinary proceedings on my return to work because I am protected by the Equalities act.
I did disclose my illness when I joined the company, and this is the first time I have needed time off since I joined the company last year. I never discuss my health problems with colleagues, because it is personal. However, according to the manager I am attention seeking by NOT talking about it.
I really don't know if she genuinely thinks I am flaunting an NG tube, If she is just squeamish about looking at me or if this is a subtle way of making me feel uncomfortable in the hope that I will leave and she won't be saddled with a disabled employee.

I think you need to seek professional advice asap.

I'd say, ok that's fine I'll WFH 5 days a week until further notice! sorted.

Op this is TERRIBLE!!

This is horrific! I wish you could have a way of proving that conversation and going to a lawyer, I’m so sorry this has happened to you! Wtf is wrong with people! Hopefully someone will come along and give you good advice on how to deal with with absolute horror of a human.

It was nice of her to visit you in hospital, but perhaps she’s someone who dislikes hospitals and/or felt awkward talking to you in that situation.

Regarding the feeding tube, maybe someone has expressed that they will feel uncomfortable seeing you with one. Maybe you line manager felt awkward relying this infuriation.

However to say you’re attention seeking is out of order! You’re attention seeking if you tell everyone about your illness, and make it ‘a thing’!

what was she like before this hospital visit, supportive or not?

It is a weird situation with this manager. Last month I was promoted to the same rank as her, in a different division.but until this current project finishes, she is still my manager.
I have to admit, this manager was one of the the reasons I moved divisions,(aside from it being a promotion).She has form for playing people off against each other, and the atmosphere on the team has always been tense.Up until jow I have got on with her OK, but I have always felt like I was walking on eggshells.
Thinking about it, I think that she doesn't want me getting overly confident now that I have been promoted so she Is cutting me down to size.

If going in to the office is because you want to, then you shouldn't miss out on it because of whatever her problem is.

But if it's because they insist, then unless there's a really good reason, the obvious solution is for them to not insist on it.

Ignore her comment and WFH until you are better, hopefully by the time you go back you will no longer be working beneath her

I would honestly go through this woman for a short cut. The absolute fucking cheek. I would report the bitch to HR asap. I'm actually flabbergasted and fuming on your behalf. What a cow 😡

Email her with HR cc'd in

Hi [name]

I just wanted to confirm the details of our conversation today.

Firstly thank you for coming to visit me in the hospital to check on my progress.

During our discussion you advised that you felt the sight of my NG tube would be difficult for our colleagues in the office and may lead to them feeling I'm attention seeking, and that as a result you think it would be best if I not return to work until it's removed in 3 months.

You advised that this would be authorised absence and would not be counted as an occasion under sickness policy due to it being covered by the Equality act, can you also please confirm that I would receive full pay for this period?

I am, as I advised, comfortable returning to the office and capable of performing my duties, albeit the NG tube will be present and visible. As the continuation of my sick leave would be due to your preference rather than my health needs, I do feel it's important to have clear written agreement with regard the terms of my leave.

I look forwards to hearing from you.

Kind regards

Get HR involved before you do anything.

Of you could take @InfoSecInTheCity excellent advice and email and not listen to me and my red hot angry advice! 😅

No it isn't. I would contact your union about this. It smacks of discrimination.

She also shouldn't be visiting you in hospital unless you agreed that she could do so.

This!!
Get it in writing.
No way should she have said that to you.

Attention seeking? WTF! I would be making a formal complaint - he comments are completely unacceptable! Wishing you a speedy recovery OP 💐

You could go with the excellent draft written above. Or, if you want to do it more informally, you could go with the 'just mentioning it in passing' approach - wait until you are talking to your manager, or hers, and casually mention 'of course, i am/have been/was working at home because x explained people would think it was inappropriate and attention seeking of me to be in the office with my NG tube.'

Bloody hell. I cannot believe someone could be this rude, insensitive and unreasonable!

I absolutely hate the idea of being told to hide away because of your tube OP. Attention seeking is wearing a bloody sequinned thong bikini to the office not an NG tube!

I think you’ve got them over a barrel so you should do what’s best for you.

This is phenomenal. I’d most definitely be sending this to HR.

Great email from @InfoSecInTheCity 👏👏👏

Thanks so much everybody. I will most definitely be using this email to send to HR. Just been doing a bit of discreet digging, and found out the my predecessor left the job due to stress from bullying. The more I think about this,the more angry I get.

Definitely send that email above. You need to involve HR.

I can’t believe she said that to you. What an absolute bitch. Attention seeking? Ffs.

@user1471516498 I'm so glad you're angry and going to take this to HR, this bullying bitch needs to be put back in her box.

I'm still totally and utterly flabbergasted... how in the name of god could anyone consider this attention seeking?

Hold onto the anger OP and use it constructively. She sounds like a wench

InfoSecInTheCity · Today 20:17

Email her with HR cc'd in
Hi [name]
I just wanted to confirm the details of our conversation today.

Along with Movinghouse advice to contact her union, I'd say that's the thread done!

Is it an eating disorder related illness? Some people have terrible mindsets about mental illness and she may be implying that the NG tube is you flaunting it. Her opinion is completely unacceptable and you should take this further.