Incident at school

[xprincessxjanetx]

Today after school my DS (14) messaged me with the following picture and told me that his "friend" had deliberately tripped him over "as a joke" and his phone had smashed.

About 15 minutes later he messaged saying that his wrist is now hurting (I think the adrenaline had worn off) so we are now sat at minor injuries (facing a 3.5 hour wait) as his wrist has swollen and he is in a lot if pain.

He is my eldest and I've never been in this situation before. How would you deal with this situation?

Does your son believe it was a joke/would he do similar? If it's just normal roughhousing that got out of hand I'd think that's pretty 'normal' tbh. I'm sure his friend will feel mortified and apologise, but it's not like he's deliberately planned smashing the phone/hurting his wrist!

What can you do really? Kids have been tripping their friends over as a joke since I was a child. You could possibly get a screen replacement paid for by child's parents. Unless the friend is a bully, then put in a complaint.

I jokingly pushed my DP into our pool the other day and his phone was in his pocket - oops 😬

OP please be aware that your son’s face is in the photo

I'd get MN to remove your photo OP as your son is very clearly visible.
I'd speak to your son and clarify if this is a real mate and if it was just playing around, or actual bullying. My response would depend on that.

Firstly remove the pic...
Is the phone insured?
Surely it has a screen protector on?

Thank you for the comments so far. I totally missed his reflection! Thank you for bringing it to my attention. I have asked MN to remove the photo.

After asking DS he admitted this has happened before. He has autism and doesn't like the idea of telling on people. He also has trust issues and thinks everyone is his friend unfortunately.

The boy didn't hang around to make sure he was okay and didn't seem particularly bothered about the phone. His words were "it was just a joke". Had he been apologetic and embarrassed then I wouldn't mind so much, it was the behaviour afterwards that's annoyed me the most.

You should probably prepare yourself to hear that your ds and his friends muck around doing this kind of stuff a lot. It probably just so happens that your ds has come off worse this time.

You can of course contact the school. However you won't get any money for the phone. You might get a sanction for the friend for messing about and injuring your ds. This is why play fighting or indeed any physical behaviour isn't allowed in school.

If it wasn't a friend and was just general poor behaviour you will likely get the same outcome - sanction for the friend.

In that case, I'd contact the school. This sounds more along the bullying side than just being silly with a bit of mutual pushing and tripping.

Sorry, I don't mean to drip feed but I know 100% that it wouldn't be a mutual play fighting.

My DS is a bit of a "goody two shoes" and is terrified of getting in trouble. He only started at this school in May, previously he had been home educated since the end of year 6. Another point (possibly irrelevant) is DS in year 9 and this group of "friends" are year 10s

He is a massive stickler for rules and is one of the best behaved children in his year group (they do a plus point system for behaviour and he had second highest in the year group). I've often worried that his overly good behaviour might make him vulnerable to others.

I asked him why he hangs around with those people and he said "because I wouldn't have anyone else otherwise" so that's not very inspiring.

I'm also very aware that I'm over protective of him due to bullying is previous schools and because of his SEN'S which is why I posted so I could get unbiased opinions on what to do next (if anything)

3.5 hours is good going for A&E.

Goodness no - our a&e is over subscribed ATM! We are at a minor injuries unit at a smaller hospital nearby.

Just seen the Practitioner and they're putting an order in for an x-ray, so waiting for that now.

Sounds more like bullying to me, I doubt this is a real friend. You need to talk to his head of year and head of pastoral.

Sounds like a deliberate attempt to make him trip and fall and when the phone smashed the 'joke' line was thrown in. I have two teens with SEN and one was pulled out of school for bullying so totally get it. I'd be emailing the headteacher whilst you wait in A&E. I hope your son is Ok x

Is he actually supported by the SEN department OP? Can you speak to them about social interaction help? My DS is autistic and was luckily very well supported through secondary with things like this. He did have an EHCP though and access to a base unit for SEN so he could "escape" normal school life. Fortunately, he wasn't bullied. I really feel for your son. I hope his wrist is OK.

This is 100% bullying and if you want the school to be effective in dealing with it, you really have to keep pushing them.

Deliberately tripping someone up is not a joke FFS. The person doing it wants to cause the victim humiliation as a minimum and actually physical harm at worst.

Don’t let them minimise this as clearly some posters are quick to do. (Parents of pathetic bullies maybe?)

Yes, he is. He also has an EHCP. The SENCO knows him well as she is also one of his teachers so I can definitely contact her

Great - I'd start there personally, especially if DS has a trusted relationship with her already.

Absolutely contact the school and tell them.

My DS. 15 at the time, accidentally cracked his friend's phone (by sitting on her bag) and off his own back went that afternoon to replace the screen at a local shop out of his own money. DS is also autistic and I had a lot of conversations with him about what friendship looks like, because he was v permissive and let things slide that were obviously downright fucking mean. Best thing I ever taught him was it's better to be on your own and proud about it than putting up with the shit some neurotypical bullies dish out in order to have the "privilege" of hanging out on the edge of their group. I hope your DS recovers quickly and that "friend" offers an apology and recompense.

I’m a teacher, and this is totally unacceptable behaviour that the school
needs to know about immediately. This is a vulnerable student being victimised by an older group of students and there needs to be both repercussions for that for the students involved in the bullying, and protection put in place for your son while he is at school. It’s a huge safeguarding concern given your child’s additional needs, and the school should be acting on this as a matter of urgency.

Email the Head of Year, SENCo and his form tutor tonight with this info and a photo of his injuries. Give a factual account with names if you can, including information about previous instances. The school needs to be aware this isn’t a one off.

I’m so sorry this has happened to your son. It breaks my heart when kids do this to each other. I really hope the school is a good one and will step in to nip this right in the bud so your son can feel safe at school.

The more you say the more it sounds like bullying rather than just "high jinks". I would definitely talk to the school.

This. Don't wally around with verbal conversations. Put it in writing immediately, keep it factual rather than screaming for a scalp and ask them to revert with what they intend to do about it.

How awful. Your poor son. When I read your OP I thought you were being overly dramatic,
but after reading your updates it’s clear he’s being picked on.

My DD is autistic and she too thinks everyone is her friend. Secondary school has been bloody awful for her. Her life has been made a misery and all too often at the hands of ‘friends’. Our kids are so vulnerable and they do need us to look out for them far more than NT teens.

Hopefully the school will be supportive and your son can find some genuine friends.

I agree with PPs about contacting Senco/HoY - there might be CCTV available.