about 13 month old's 'messy' eating

[Aardvvark]

I help look after my 13 month old grandson. My own mother lives nearby and has told me she no longer wants to have him to visit her house as she finds the way he eats unacceptable. She appears to mean that he is too messy and eats mainly finger foods- he is not yet competent to use a spoon by himself. He sometimes throws things to the floor from his high chair when he has had enough. To me all this is entirely normal. I found her comments both weird and hurtful. Am I missing something? He is a delightful and happy child.

Why not just not visit at meal times?

How old is your mother? I bet she has forgotten as it's so long since she had a 1 year old to look after, and also her tolerance is probably not what it was. Maybe avoid meal times with her and the baby.

That's probably the age where they are the worst actually. When they actively try to eat with a spoon and start to be mobile enough to project it everywhere.

Yes it's absolutely normal, but the cleaning is a real pain. It's fine with my own kids but I would find irritating with someone else's kids... (I'm not a huge fan of cleaning in general, and the food get stuck everywhere).

I would try to visit outside of meal times too.

Don't visit at meals or help the child not to throw food on the floor.

Don’t think I’ve met a child of that age who doesn’t eat messily. She sounds quite harsh, he’s a baby how can he be unacceptable in any form. He’s learning how to eat and be a person. Just don’t take him over, she’ll no doubt find other things she finds unacceptable just enjoy him yourself op, he sounds like a lovely wee boy. Do you think perhaps your mum doesn’t mean to be unkind? Or if she does perhaps she doesn’t realise that there are many older people who need help and assistance eating and are similarly messy, is that also unacceptable?

perhaps let her know she’s being unreasonable/unkind and remind her it’s normal at this stage whilst learning.

It used to be much more normal to feed a child that age rather than let them feed themselves. That’s the only way to make it less messy.

It’s probably best not to take him where he isn’t wanted, kids pick up on this stuff. If she becomes very old and struggles to eat without being messy you can then ban her from your house.

More than likely, she’s forgotten what normal babies are like because it’s been so long since she’s had one. Personally, I never would have taken my dc to someone else’s house for a meal at that age, unless they explicitly requested us come. It’s really messy. Just go visit at other times.

A random woman complained about this to me recently, in relation to her toddler grandchildren - "why is it that your generation allow kids to be so messy when they eat?!"

I haven't been able to have kids, but I mentioned that amongst my peers (and DNs and godchildren) I think it's that BLW is encouraged over spoon feeding now and there is naturally a lot more mess. She'd been shouting at her grandkids.

I'll be honest, when I'm babysitting the toddlers in my family and know mess won't be appreciated...I don't tell my sisters/friends and I spoon feed their kids and wipe their hands and faces as we go. No harm done. In their own home or mine, I stick to the BLW!

13 months is very young to be expecting no mess!

Thanks everyone- just needed a bit of reassurance that it's not me that's overreacting!

Sounds like great granny has forgotten how messy tots are.

If my parents ever tried this sort of thing I'd only have to point to the montage of framed baby photos on the wall, including me wearing a bowl of spag bol like a hat with strands of spaghetti hair hanging down. One-year-old have never been tidy eaters. Even if some parents chose to spoon feed them until their dexterity improved a bit, they'll still have dribbled food all down themselves and there will inevitably have been mess when they eventually attempted self-feeding.

Totally normal for a 13 month old to look like they’ve dropped a food bomb at mealtimes. However if your mum doesn’t want that mess in her house, then surely that’s up to her?

Kids that age are messy - there's no denying that. She finds the mess difficult - there's nothing wrong with that either. Don't visit at mealtimes, and if you do, make sure everything is clean and tidy afterwards.

My daughter leaves a shower curtain at our house to put down under the high chair... that catches most of it, and she makes sure she goes round and wipes everything afterwards. The shower curtain can just be shaken out outside afterwards and then given a quick wash in the washing machine. Simples.