Is this just outright laziness?

[CJR2103]

I’ve been in a fairly new, lesbian same-sex relationship, for roughly 5-6 months now. She has her own home around 45 minutes - hour away, however my home is bigger and I have pets so she normally stays here on her days off, roughly 1-3 nights per week for the last 2-3 months now.

I know it takes time to feel comfortable in someone else’s home, so I started off by doing all the cooking, tidying up after us, things like that - and I haven’t minded, up until very recently.

I’ve had a couple of mornings where I’ve felt really really tired (for various reasons), and I’ve jokingly said I’ve got no energy to make us breakfast, I think you should do it sort of thing - to literally no response, no offer and I’ve ended up doing it anyway. Even little things like, I do everything else for us both when she’s here, but she never offers to make me a cup of tea when I get up to make one. I’ve always reasoned with it saying she doesn’t drink hot drinks, so it might not have crossed her mind to ask/offer sort of thing.

Is she just being lazy or am I expecting too much of someone else who is fairly new to staying in my house?

I used to not have hot drinks, it wouldn’t have occurred to me to offer to make one in someone else’s house. I don’t think I have ever made breakfast for someone beyond the age of 5, we all each help ourselves to cereal or toast etc, are you talking about a full cooked breakfast? Can’t you just say help yourself?

Yes. She should be pitching in and buying and making meals and tidying and cleaning up. I wouldn’t expect hot drinks from someone who doesn’t drink them but everything other than that should be shared.

When you explicitly asked her to make breakfast and she refused I’d have realised she’s either incredibly lazy and uncaring or with me for sex and free food rather than an equal relationship.

What are you going to do?

DH doesn’t drink hot drinks, wouldn’t think to offer and would make a hash of it. I’d feel awkward tidying in someone else’s house as I wouldn’t like someone doing that in mine.

Does she ask for and expect breakfast, or are you just doing that because you think you should?

Sounds like you need to have a conversation but I’m not sure you’re being entirely reasonable in your expectations.

Does she contribute anything on the nights she stays?

Seems like she’s getting the best of the deal right now. She does sound lazy and that the bar already set for you being the giver and her being the taker. After a few months staying several nights a week, of course she should be helping out with stuff around the house. She’s not a paying guest and you’re not her maid

The fact the one time you asked her to do something she refused - doesn’t sound like a caring equal partner to me.