To think the song 'Wind Beneath My Wings' is a narcissist's playbook?

[LadyMargaretPoledancer]

Was listening to the song whilst moving house and was thinking, wow thats a whole lot of narcissism right there.

Did anyone ask the other person whether they were happy to walk behind and not have sunlight on their face? did anyone inquire as to what their pain might be!

You decide:

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
It must have been cold there in my shadow
To never have sunlight on your face
You were content to let me shine, that's your way
You always walked a step behind
So I was the one with all the glory
While you were the one with all the strength
A beautiful face without a name for so long
A beautiful smile to hide the pain
Did you ever know that you're my hero
And everything I would like to be?
I can fly higher than an eagle
For you are the wind beneath my wings
It might have appeared to go unnoticed
But I've got it all here in my heart
I want you to know I know the truth, of course I know it
I would be nothing without you
Did you ever know that you're my hero?
You're everything I wish I could be
I could fly higher than an eagle
For you are the wind beneath my wings
Did I ever tell you you're my hero?
You're everything, everything I wish I could be
Oh, and I, I could fly higher than an eagle
For you are the wind beneath my wings
'Cause you are the wind beneath my wings
Oh, the wind beneath my wings
You, you, you, you are the wind beneath my wings
Fly, fly, fly away, you let me fly so high
Oh, you, you, you, the wind beneath my wings
Oh, you, you, you, the wind beneath my wings
Fly, fly, fly high against the sky
So high I almost touch the sky
Thank you, thank you
Thank God for you, the wind beneath my wings

Have you seen Beaches? It may give the some some context

Yep

And in the film Beaches it’s used perfectly as the Bette Midler character is very much a narcissist.

I remember years back talking about this song with a work colleague and me going on a mini-rant about how narcissistic and terrible it was. To which she replied "well it was nice when I sang it at my Nan's funeral".

(20 something year old me was a bit of an idiot)

Originally a poem written to his wife. They divorced and he turned it into a song.

It works brilliantly for a parent, I think. Not so well for anyone else.

One gets lift from the air going over a wing.

Most love songs are ridiculous examples of co-dependency too!

Disclaimer: Might be overthinking this a tad, haha!😆
This song always makes me think of the film Beaches and their friendship was always slightly competitive until towards the end.
Bette Miller's character was brash and loud, but with a huge and visible talent with her voice and star quality.
Barbara Hershey's character was 'old money', beautiful and very clever (lawyer.)
Bette's character was quite narcissistic, which was part of their competitiveness, but when the chips were down (sob) they were steadfast lifelong friends, as the perfect foil to each other.

Lots of 'love' songs make me grumpy

Cat Stevens Wild World makes me grumpiest - even with his reasoning for writing it. I still think it sounds like a load of patronising old twaddle.

Sweet Child of Mine makes me grumpy - it's just a lot of how bits of you are useful to make me feel good and you are not entitled to have emotions of your own.

But then I am old(ish) and grumpy(ish) 😂

Do narcissists have enough empathy to be worried about someone else not having sun on their face? I'm also not sure they would have the self reflection to write a lot of it, or the humility to credit someone else with some of the things in the lyrics.

So many songs are really not great when you listen to the lyrics.

Toni Braxton “Breathe Again” feels incredibly emotionally manipulative.

Dr Hook”s “A Little Bit More” is more than a little bit rapey.

Interesting question

I notice the song doesn’t actually apologise … it almost does but doesn’t quite… Says thank you rather than sorry. So still kind of taking it for granted that it was right that the lead role was theirs, rather than apologising for having assumed that??

I don't think it's narcissistic. Narcissists wouldn't give credit to the other and see the other as their hero. They are the hero in their own play.

Also - please don't ruin one of my favourite ever songs!! 🤪 It reminds me of my sibling who is my absolute hero and who is a wonderful human but who sadly has severe MH probs and is never able to see the light of day. They are in the shadows while others shine but they gave me so much and I'd be lost without them. Always think of them when this song plays on the radio!

My favourite observation on this thread so far

It would stick in the throat of a narcissist to see any positive traits in their scapegoat, so I can’t imagine them referring to their scapegoat as their hero. It sounds like the sort of song a narcissist would sing at the scapegoats funeral to fake to the world they cared though (and to also make it all about them!).
I no longer like the song after seeing the lyrics in black and white like that!

What I mean by narcissistic is it basically says I'm flying high whilst keeping you down. So cheers for that!

No apology. No, whoops my bad. Just hey, I did great cause you're a bit of a doormat.

Also, totally admits they knew they were doing it half way through the song!

'I want you to know I know the truth, of course I know it' - see a confession!!

Plus, if you think about it, it doesn't fit the film Beaches either! Bette Midler was the successful actress and Barbara Hershy was the successful lawyer. So no one really sacrificed anything!!

Gosh we swallow a lot of twaddle from Hollywood

Very good point!

I can’t stand Bette Midler’s version.

Give me Colleen Hewitt every time and Kamahl right behind her. But Colleen’s is lovely.

These lines from a Billy Ocean song always annoy me. The girl doesn't want you, she wants the other guy. Get over it. She's probably not dressing to excite you either.

"You run around town like a fool and you think that it's groovy
You're givin' it to some other guy who gives you the eye
You don't give nothin' to me, you painted a smile
You painted a smile and you dress all the while to excite me"

Very good point 😁

Yes my Nan had it for her funeral too. She was a behind the scenes, work hard and support your family to shine type, shitty thread

This.

She is much preferable to Barbara Hershey’s mealy-mouthed character though I must say!

But yes the song is about a massive narc and her wimpy friend 😂

Hmm, I never saw it like you have portrayed it. I've spent a lot of my life being the 'behind every good man there has to be a good woman'. My husband has always been the driven business focused one and whilst I have had my own career I chose to make sure he had everything he needed to succeed. He has often said thank you, often encouraged me to put myself first (which I found impossible once I became a mother) and I think we are (still) a great team. I don't understand why me choosing to be supportive makes me a doormat or him a selfish narcissistic.....

Also, thinking about it, in the Beaches film didn't Barbara Hershy shag the man that Bette Midler was in love with??

It just doesn't really fit the film from any angle.

This has made me laugh.

A relative the entire family (including her own children) have since gone no contact with, made a huge point of excluding me (and only me) from a family event when I was a child because, "it was HER event and what she WANTS, she GETS and she doesn't owe ANYONE an explanation".

She did however invite me to briefly attend and then be escorted out immediately in order to lovingly sing her a song which she lapped up and cried enormous crocodile tears throughout.

Yep.

THIS song.