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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To pack up and go abroad with DD for 3 months in September

81 replies

Journeyintomelody · 09/01/2025 13:04

Before I had DD I acted on all of my whims and crazy ideas without hesitation but I'm really not sure about this one. I was thinking of NZ or Cyprus for 3 months before I go back to work. DD would be 18 months. I don't feel like I have anything holding us back. The only thing I can think of is that it might be unfair to take DD away from her grandad who she has grown up with. Have you or would you do this? Any recommendations of places to go? 🤞

Be honest in the comments. Should I keep this as a dream or could it be workable?

YABU- better to give DD stability and keep her in the area she is familiar with
YANBU- go on adventure, its your last chance to do this for a long time.

OP posts:

RatalieTatalie · 09/01/2025 13:34

Oh i am so jealous!!! I would LOVE to be able to do this with my girls.

DO IT DO IT DO IT

DeepRoseFish · 09/01/2025 13:36

Never questioned once taking DD away without her dad who did have pr!!!

Nerdlings · 09/01/2025 13:38

Journeyintomelody · 09/01/2025 13:29

I was raped and her dad doesn't even know her name. Really didn't want to have to spell it out.

Thanks for the replies. Good point about Cyprus being ideal for a short trip in the future (it's one of my favourite places!). I was thinking less about hopping from place to place and more settling in a place for a couple of months to reduce travel time with her. France is the obvious choice but that doesn't feel very adventurous for me as I lived there for years. I do slightly worry about NZ being too far - not sure whether that would be better when she's older, eg. Going for Christmas one year.

I'm sorry that happened, although to be fair nobody asked you to spell it out, you could have just said the father was not around.

TheSandgroper · 09/01/2025 13:41

If you want to go to NZ, go. Hire a car, take a pram and a backpack carrier and away you go. Caveat being find out first if your dd is a good traveller or not. If she hates travelling and going in the car, don’t put yourselves through it.

Travel when baby sleeps, make sure she drinks plenty of water, feed and exercise regularly. We had a shorter driving holiday with 16 month old dd and had a good time. Pack up, do stuff for a couple of hours, into the car, we drove while she had a picky morning tea and then she slept for a couple of hours. By the time she woke up, we were wherever so had lunch, did stuff and then off to set up the tent. Tailor your plans and expectations and it will be good.

Take lots of photos with dd in them, get them printed and into a little book for her to look at. We kept ours for long car journeys and she loved it for years.

NovemberMorn · 09/01/2025 13:43

If you have no ties, and the budget and confidence to do it...then do it.
Cyprus is lovely, the weather alone would tempt me to go.

BuzzieLittleBee · 09/01/2025 13:43

How about Canada? A great place to travel round, not as far as NZ, somewhere where it's easy to fill 3 months... (I assume you can stay that long there - I think you have to have a visa waiver from what I remember).

Or travel round Italy or Spain - plenty to keep you occupied there. Or the Balkans - loads to see/do there too. Although if you travel for 3 months in EU you then can't go back for 6 months (from the first day you arrived there), so that's something to bear in mind.

Fupoffyagrasshole · 09/01/2025 13:49

Just Cyprus does sound a bit boring

id need to travel around

my next plan is inter railing

that could be an option for you?

are you wanting to travel
or just live somewhere else for a while

Hoppinggreen · 09/01/2025 13:55

DeepRoseFish · 09/01/2025 13:36

Never questioned once taking DD away without her dad who did have pr!!!

Thats good but I have been questioned about my DC's friends at passport control once and they were old enough to explain themselves.
It probably won't happen but its as well to be prepared
Anyway, it looks like it wouldn't be an issue for OP - apologies if my comment meant you had to disclose something you would rather not OP

Original poster

Journeyintomelody · 09/01/2025 13:56

@Fupoffyagrasshole I think I'm looking for somewhere different to live for a while rather than a holiday 😊

OP posts:

SLRUS · 09/01/2025 13:58

Absolutely do it. Your hours away so if you need to pop back for any reason just do it. I think those early months together as so invaluable for bonding and also for you to be fully rested and in the right frame of mind to go back to work. Could you fly grandpa over for a couple of visits?

JUST DO IT!

Oodlesandoodlesofnoodles · 09/01/2025 14:00

Do it. You only live once and so much easier before kid starts school. Wishing you all the best.

lompi · 09/01/2025 14:01

Absolutely do it!!!

RB68 · 09/01/2025 14:08

I say Do It if that is something you like doing and enjoy go, she likely wont remember it but thats not what its about is it. Once she is in school other than summer holidays when it can get pricey, you wont have the chance in the same way unless you take a whole year out - then you also have work to think about.Kids are great free range and if later she is out of school for a bit then schooling can be maintained on a couple of hrs a day for most bright kids, so much time is wasted in schools for brighter kids

Aligirlbear · 09/01/2025 14:18

NZ is great but I would worry about the length of flight for such a young child ( and the other passengers with a fractious child ) Also while you will build great memories etc. not sure your DC will remember much of it and will be a wasted experience for them.

NZ might be better, assuming you can get a reasonable length of time off to do when your DC is older and can also get much more involved in the experiences on offer -it's a great place particularly for the outdoors.

Might be better to do somewhere a bit closer to home with a shortened flight this time around. Living for 3 months on a Caribbean island perhaps - fabulous beaches , warm weather and a slower pace of life for you ?

Nightmarewithdelirium · 09/01/2025 14:22

NZ amd Cyprus are both quite safe places. I think you should go for it!! NZ might be easier to navigate without language barriers.. easier if you do get ill or have an emergency etc however it's also further away so..
But I'd definitely go if I were you. It's a great opportunity and you will bond so much! At that age her need for stability is going to come mainly from you, not where she is.. she won't have a friendship group she remembers.. so I'd say do it now!!

NZDreaming · 09/01/2025 14:22

reichs79 · 09/01/2025 13:15

I'd wait until dd was older then use the money when they can also enjoy it

Under 2 you don’t have to pay full price for airfare, aren’t restricted to school holidays and it’s less disruptive to a child who dies not yet have friends, hobbies etc

@Journeyintomelody I love NZ and would go in a heartbeat. It’s a beautiful country, the people are very friendly and accommodation if travelling around is surprisingly cheap. NZ is not great if relying on public transport and certain food can be expensive as a lot has to be imported. September is their Spring moving into summer so weather should be good, not peak tourist season. Really interesting history, beautiful and varied landscapes.

Cyprus is also a beautiful place to be, again very friendly locals with a large proportion who have some level of English. Closer to home if you need to get back quickly and cheaper flights. September-November is still warm and avoids tourist season.

They are both wonderful countries, personally I’d go for NZ (probably not a surprise given my username). You may find travelling long haul when your child is older too expensive/time consuming so I would prioritise that right now. You could also include a stop over in Singapore or California and once there it’s not far to Fiji or Australia.

summerlovingvibes · 09/01/2025 14:23

I would totally do it. When my first DD was born, I planned to go to Oz for 3 months (DH was going to come for the middle 4 weeks as was working).

Had it all planned, have friends there so was going to hop around a bit. Hire a car, or buy a cheap one I could easily sell on. Spend lots of time swimming in pools and on the beach.

Unfortunately Covid lock downs scuppered my plans. And I've always been sad not to have done it.

Before I had kids (now have 2) I travelled a lot.

The flight would be tough for NZ, but a short time in the grand scheme of things.

Do it OP and have the best time ever.

CliantheLang · 09/01/2025 14:25

HPandthelastwish · 09/01/2025 13:27

If you are a single mum and used donor sperm etc then go for it.

But if there is a dad anywhere in the picture that has PR then you need his permission even if he doesn't see her, or court approval to go if you can't find him. If you have a court order then they allow you 28 days.

Shocking how many Brits are already happy with Sharia law.

Ilovethatbear · 09/01/2025 14:28

CliantheLang · 09/01/2025 14:25

Shocking how many Brits are already happy with Sharia law.

Show quote history

WTF are you talking about? It’s not Sharia law…

TheNinkyNonkyIsATardis · 09/01/2025 14:29

LaPalmaLlama · 09/01/2025 13:19

Cyprus for 90 days would be overkill I think. There’s not that much to do. Re NZ the flight with an 18mo would put me off….a lot, even if you can afford to be in business class with her in her own seat. She’ll likely be v mobile but not yet into binge watching movies. I’d maybe think of somewhere else.

When we went to NZ on honeymoon we did a six day stopover in Thailand .

Split the flights 12/12,both overnights, and phased the jetlag too.

Cosycover · 09/01/2025 14:30

If OP didn't mention a Dad then common sense would say he isn't on the scene yes? Very clear. No need for the multiple posts asking about it ffs.

This place is full of vultures honest to God.

Go and have a fabulous time OP!

Dutch1e · 09/01/2025 14:37

I love travelling with my kids, go for it.

If you head to NZ you might want to stop in SE Asia for a couple of weeks (maybe a month?) to break up the long flight and enjoy some less expensive time in gorgeous surroundings.

My lad enjoyed Thailand very much, and Malaysia to a slightly lesser extent.

KenAdams · 09/01/2025 14:45

You posted about struggling for money last week, how on earth will you afford it?

Original poster

Journeyintomelody · 09/01/2025 14:48

KenAdams · 09/01/2025 14:45

You posted about struggling for money last week, how on earth will you afford it?

Correction. I posted about whether or not to pursue child maintenance. Completely different.

OP posts:

C152 · 09/01/2025 14:53

Go for it! Make sure you get adequate insurance for you both that will cover the extent of your trip. And some people seem to be unlucky in that their children are always ill - that doesn't mean your child will be, so I'd take any of those sorts of comments with a pinch of salt.

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