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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

kids party invites

19 replies

kh8y7ugj · 09/01/2025 09:32

DS is turning 7 and will have a party. Do you inite all the kids who have invited your child earlier in the year? Equally if a child hasnt invited them - do you still include them? DS has made a list - he doesnt have loads of friends - but it doesnt include some of the kids who have invited him in the autumn but does include kids who I know have had a party but left him out. Would you encourage him to add those who've sent him an invite? Or remove those that havent? Obviously as we are talking seven year olds - the list is constantly changing.....

OP posts:
Noonecaresifyounamechange · 09/01/2025 09:42

Not including a child because they didn’t invite him is a bit harsh - maybe their parents couldn’t afford to invite everyone, maybe the venue or activity could only hold a set number of people.

Invite his friends and maybe encourage an invite to anyone you know has no friends.

InvisibilityCloakActivated · 09/01/2025 09:48

Where are you having the party? If it is in a village hall or similar, invite the whole class. If it is in your house with limited space or a soft play where you have to pay per person, just invite the people on his list.

Mamasperspective · 09/01/2025 09:50

Remind him that those who have invited him before may not include him next time if he doesn't reciprocate

LittleRedRidingHoody · 09/01/2025 09:51

I've always just invited those on DSs list to be honest.

If you return the invite to someone who's invited your child, they're likely to do so the next time round and it becomes a neverending loop!

Also agree with the above poster - not everyone will be able to have a party and you don't want their children excluded.

Mounjarry · 09/01/2025 09:53

Personally i think if inviting over half maybe three quarters of the class then should invite everyone in the class, if it's a smaller party then just invite whoever they want! Invites shouldn't be because x invited y and then an expectation it'll be reciprocated, there are also various reasons children don't invite others- perhaps a smaller party, invite lost before it makes it home etc.

cadburyegg · 09/01/2025 09:54

I think it depends on how big a party you are having.

My ds2 will turn 7 this year too. If we were aiming to have a big party with approx 20/30 kids in a village hall then I would ask him who he wanted to invite, then also include those who invited him to parties previously depending on space.

If a smaller party, then no, I'd just invite those who he wanted. I don't think being invited to a party means he must invite those children.

We will be having a small party at home this year and we are just inviting his 3 closest friends.

Original poster
kh8y7ugj · 09/01/2025 09:55

Thanks. I didnt really want to exclude those who hadnt invited him (they had all had parties - but mostly girls only). We are thinking of doing a cinema or lazer quest party so number certainly do matter. With the ones he's been invited to - they did an all class party so it's not like they specifically asked him to come. Perhaps am just overthinking it all - as per usual

OP posts:
Overthebow · 09/01/2025 09:55

We are going to invite whichever class friends she wants to invite. I’m not going to force her to invite people she doesn’t want to and equally I won’t miss people off who haven’t invited her if she wants them there. Keep it simple and don’t overthink it.

Mounjarry · 09/01/2025 09:56

If its a smaller party just invite who he wants, it is easy to overthink and worry but it's fine. Here children tend to bring in small bags of sweets to hand out to the class on their birthday which is quite nice as those who don't have a party or who have smaller parties get to celebrate a bit with everyone.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 09/01/2025 09:58

I generally invite the ones who invited my son and the ones he likes but who don't have parties etc. But then that's how I ended up taking 16 nine and ten year old boys out for his party this year. I did the girls a favour by not inviting them I can tell you.

Ineedaholidayyyy · 09/01/2025 10:02

I think you are overthinking it. I'd just invite who is on his list. Children need to understand that they won't be invited to every party that's held, for various reasons.

As long as you aren't excluding a couple out of a whole class, which it sounds like you aren't, IMO that's fine. Parties like laser tag are expensive and often have maximum numbers.

redskyatnight · 09/01/2025 10:08

Invite who he wants to invite.

Reciprocating really doesn't work for children's parties - you will end up inviting lesser friends whose parents could afford big parties, or those who had birthdays at the beginning of the year. Or inviting children he's no longer friend with while having to miss out the more recent friend.

DisappearingGirl · 09/01/2025 10:12

I did try and invite back those that had invited my child, if possible. But I also invited those my child wanted to invite, whether my kid had been to their party or not.

I think to avoid people feeling left out, a good rule of thumb is: either all the class or no more than half, all the boys or no more than half, all the girls or no more than half, etc etc. And avoiding leaving out just 1 of any friendship group etc.

zingally · 09/01/2025 10:24

You're over-thinking it.

A 6-7yo is old enough to say "This is who I want to invite."

I mean, yes, if there's a particular friendship you want to encourage, then lean for an invite, but on the whole I'd be guided by what your child wants.

The parents of the non-invitees will probably not even notice, let alone care.

Original poster
kh8y7ugj · 09/01/2025 11:00

I got stressed about it because apparently the kids all discuss party invites at school and I didnt want anyone to feel left out and upset

OP posts:
redskyatnight · 09/01/2025 12:41

kh8y7ugj · 09/01/2025 11:00

I got stressed about it because apparently the kids all discuss party invites at school and I didnt want anyone to feel left out and upset

You can only achieve this by inviting everyone... So if you wanted to do this, you should have planned a different type of party.

The children are 7. They have worked out by now that not everyone gets invited to every party. It's only a issue if you do one of the "don't" things mentioned on this thread (e.g. invite most of the class or a friendship group apart from 1 or 2).

Bob02 · 09/01/2025 12:48

I told my daughter how many people she could invite, and we wrote a list. I did encourage her to invite kids who had invited her to their parties. She did choose to invite some kids who hadn't invited her. I would have preferred her not to, mainly because the parents are very clicky, but they are her friends, and it was her birthday, so her decision.

ahalightheartedminty · 14/10/2025 07:27

kh8y7ugj · 09/01/2025 11:00

I got stressed about it because apparently the kids all discuss party invites at school and I didnt want anyone to feel left out and upset

This has just happened to me.. I thought the teacher would put the invites in bags to take home secretly as she knew the whole class hadn't been invited, but no she gave them out in class. ! To only the specific invited children. 🫣

Needless to say I've sent more in today to cover the whole class as my child was upset with me that some children didn't get an invite and that they were visibly upset and unhappy with them about it.

stichguru · 14/10/2025 07:39

If there is a kid who selectively chose to invite him to a small party, it would be nice to invite them back, just ones where they have invited him to a whole class party, don't worry it's ok not to invite back if you aren't doing a full class party.

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