Baby crying more than 6 hours

[Lemonicecream]

NC for this.

I'm awake and not able to sleep as I this terrible flu bug. Nonetheless I am here cosied up in bed with MN and two cats on my lap for company.

I live with one upstairs neighbour in a maisonette and for the last 6-7 hours their baby has been crying. A really distressed low level wailing. Stops for about 10 minutes and then starts again.

I find baby crying noise extremely distressing and I can't find my headphones. This is in addition to 4 years of no fail morning and evening wailing and crying from their older child. Usually remedied by the parents whooping at the child as a distraction. Obviously doesn't work as the child is probably looking for comfort.

I understand child rearing is hard as I have DC myself and I am a single parent but AIBU to just be at the end of my tether now and want to rip my ears off.

But you have listened to this apparent neglect of this older child for several years, and are getting arsey with a PP at 01.00 because they have challenged you.
Why haven't you reported this before if you are so worried?
Also, if you have a Samsung phone, it has a function that will search for your earphones

You treat yout palpitations with cheese and crackers?
That'll save the NHS losds!

Wrong. My baby when he was little had a milk allergy which just one of the symptoms is colic, which is hell on earth alone. It didn't matter what i did, how much comfort i gave, calm music, songs, stories, lots of winding, feeding more, feeding less, lots of attempts with meds like anti colic stuff, stuff for tummy acid, all the usual baby meds for wind and unease etc. Nothing worked. I had a breakdown in the end and he was finally diagnosed (noone listened to me until it got to severe mental health concerns) was given milk for cmpa, and the issue went away gradually. Prior to that it was weeks of noone listening to me, telling me colic was normal, this would pass and so on. No matter how many professionals i begged (literally) and told that it wasn't normal.

If you would have lived under me, you would have heard my baby screaming for hours. What you wouldnt have heard because it's quiet, was the love, cuddles, singing, bicycle legs and other wind removing attempts, stories, meds I tried, the list goes on.

Im not saying these parents arent being neglectful or that this is normal. Just that your assumptions that they are doing cry it out, or ignoring their baby, are neglectful, and the other hyperbolic comments you made are the extreme end, one end of possibilities. There are other possibilities. Like mine. Its not nice to assume the worst from people. I was so poorly by the end that I was sectioned and my baby taken because i couldn't take it anymore, there was nothing left to try. Cue the next year of court, a mother and baby unit for parental assessment, which in their words i passed with flying colours, and finally getting my baby back home with lots of the support i had initially begged for.

Its not good to assume the worst

Honestly there's a difference between a baby that's ill and a baby that's being neglected. Are we forgetting all those poor children who have died from neglect and abuse? Who is to say the OP's neighbour won't be another one?

I nearly reported someone last year because the baby was crying for over an hour(I had the form filled out but didn't know the actual house number) and the mother was screaming and yelling, telling it to shut the fuck up. She screams and yells and swears at all her children though, I'm surprised they haven't screamed at her back (they're big enough now). I don't cared how stressed you are there is no excuse to act like that. Wish I had thought of 101 now.

One of my neighbours had a baby, it wouldn't stop crying, the difference in how they dealt with it was huge.

@Lemonicecream When my ( good, conscientious) neighbour’s baby cries ( weaning) I used a wonderful brown noise you tube video ( I can’t link to it as away from laptop )
Turn OFF stable volume .

It massively helps drown out the wailing
BUT my neighbours are very good with their children-The parent above you sounds like they need help to care for their child/ren properly.

Social services?

That level of crying is not normal.

Who the heck whoops at a crying baby.

Not very effective.

Op, your post is distressing to read. If you do have genuine concerns please report. Only you can judge if this is necessary not strangers on the internet.

When I had flu eating and starting posts on forums were the last things on my mind, let slone getting arsey wit those who asked pertinent qustions

Oh OP I'd definitely report. Yes it could be an allergy or something but it could also be neglect or worse, abuse. Please call 101. We all have a duty of care.

Omg horrific 😢

personally, I’d like to know what a “whoop” is

lets all call SS and tell them we can hear whooping…

I’m so sorry you went through this. Horrific

I thought Whooping was an American term for hitting- “an ass Whooping” - but in this instance it might be making stupid noises (?) at a child.

I was under the same impression. I make some very weird noises to distract my baby. I’d love to be reported to SS for them lol

Thank you. It was. I could tell the whole story and you would be shocked and horrified, it was disgusting how we were treated.

But now, my little monkey is 20 months, in nursery twice a week paid for by local authority to give me respite (i have no family or friends and his dad never met him, took me a year but finally just found the fucker for child maintenance 🎉) so i really need that time. I have therapy paid for by them whilst im on the waiting list for trauma therapy due to my terrible childhood and my baby being taken, im on meds, and i have professional support. Ironically, these were all the things I was asking for before it ever got to the terrible place it did. I was told my expectations were unrealistic. So me and my baby went through hell to get.. Exactly what I asked for and needed.

Anyway we just moved to a new 2 bed home, fresh start. And my boy is doing exceptionally well. Hes so happy, nursery, health visitor, social worker, mental health nurse and family intervention worker all constantly compliment me on my parenting and how happy he is. Hes such a joy. I went to get his pics taken yesterday, did them before he was taken, and plan to do them once a year. It was impossible to choose but the one I did choose just wow.. The smile and pure joy in his eyes.. He amazes me. The woman who works there knows my story and she knew i was struggling to choose (no idea how I made such an amazing and beautiful and photogenic baby!) and she printed off a copy of two of the other shots i was considering, for free. Its kindness like that, that make me feel less of a failure, less ashamed, it lifts my spirits, and warms my broken heart. And it is broken. You never forget your baby being taken from you. I wish I could post a pic of him so you could see just how healthy happy and beautiful he is, and that is all down to me. Weird and uncomfortable to say nice things about myself but it's the truth. I am not perfect but I am an excellent mother to a beautiful baby.

Sorry for the derail. Things like this, context is important. If its a pattern as they did with the older one, and you hear screaming and swearing and shouting, and other things, then of course you act. Even if you dont hear those things, you can still call services or welfare check, as they may need extra support.

Just dont assume

Its not good to assume the worst

Actually with child safeguarding that’s exactly what you have to do until the situation is investigated.

My second cried for up to 6 hours every day in his first 3 months. Some newborns just cry and cry and it was a stressful and exhausting time. He’s now 1 and super happy and chill.

It never occurred to me that my neighbours might be sitting there considering reporting me to SS because I couldn’t get my newborn to stop crying.

This.

Especially coming after the older dc crying so much for 4 years too.

How many times in child abuse cases have the neighbours said that they had heard things or worried about children but assumed someone else was dealing with it. If somebody had reported you yes it would have been upsetting, however that doesn't override the importance of the welfare of children. Adults we have to take a bit of criticism or people nosing into our lives to protect our children and others.
Telling people not to report social services is not the way to go. Report social services generally doesn't go anywhere unless there is significant worries but it can help build a picture. So if a health visitor feels something is off alone is unlikely to get social services involved but if there have been reports by neighbours as well that might be sufficient to trigger a visit.

Haha they would never leave my door if i was reported for the weird shit i yell and say to mine, playing. He LOVES it when i shout "right, come ere you, yer done for, im comin for ya, ya better run" laughs his head off while i chase him haha

I’m so glad it’s worked out well. The system is so so broken.
I’m on my own as well and he’s 7 weeks on Friday. So far, we’ve had a 1 week hospital stay, 4 a&e visits, 6 GP appointments and it’s only now that I’ve literally dumped 3 bloody nappies at their feet they’re taking me seriously. Until now, I’ve been written off as a hysterical first time mum (one doctor even mention my single status)

anyway, it sounds like you’re doing a fab job!

Bless him!

Yes my second was a high needs baby who cried and cried and cried. Didn’t sleep. Nothing anyone could do we tried everything, she was even brought my no nonsense can handle anything MIL to her knees.

Even she probably never managed 6 hours straight crying though.

It doesn’t hurt to get a welfare check though, there are so many stories of children being neglected so better safe than sorry.

I think people are questioning why the OP has sat on the concerns for 4 years if they are genuine.
I don’t think anyone is saying not to report them if they are real concerns.

Agree. Sometimes a singular report can be another piece of the puzzle that can help an abused child be rescued. For example; a social worker can receive reports from a teacher, then one from a doctor and finally one from a neighbour. These are all helpful to a social worker who are building a case to instigate an investigation.

I said dont just assume the worst. I didn't say don't act on any possibility of a safeguarding issue. That post i was referring to, i said dont assume the worst re the post full of negative hyperbole like neglect and cry it out and all negative assumptions and nothing about the other possibilities like mine. Its not good to assume like that.

What you can and should do, is make a choice re calling services or for a welfare check, to ensure there are no concerns re abuse or negligence, but also incase the parent/s are struggling.

My point was, balance and context matters. Outcome can be the same re next steps to take. I might have benefited from someone ringing them for me, as I was really struggling as i posted above. But i was never abusive. There are many possibilities. Doesn't change that calling professionals is likely the best option. I never said that. I said not to assume.

And since you are not the person who would be investigating this particular case, it is not your job to assume re safeguarding. Only to make a judgement call that could help a child, or the parent.