To think this is a bit mean?

[Gingganggoolies]

My colleague leaves her DS in after school club until 6 when she could easily get him just before 4. I guess I could understand it a couple of times a week but it’s every day and it’s a lot for him (year 1.)

DS is booked into ASC until 5:45 3 days a week, two of those days he does an activity club/sport 3:15-4:15 then goes to ASC 4:15-5:45 but very rarely is he there until 5:45 whichever of it's finishes first goes straight to get him, I had a 4-5 meeting cancel the other day and am owed toil so went and got him at 4:15. If DH and I are in the same office and leaving at the same time DH will drop me off on the way past (have to go past our front door to get from office to school) so I get dinner started while he gets DS , but I get him at the earliest opportunity. They are already long days for young children. Having said that there had been more than one occasion where I've picked him up early and he's cried because he wants to stay and play and have sandwiches!

Why would you care in the slightest what a work colleague does 😂😂

Maybe she has health problems and needs the break. Maybe she’s exhausted and overstimulated. She might want to get dinner cooked, clean the toilet or go food shopping without a tired child. If she pays for it then she can use it - no different to if she was still working.
I love all the SAHM’s saying they want to spend every waking minute with their child and insinuating that those who don’t are not as good

Do you know what when my DD was at nursery and I was a single parent there were many nights that I would finish work and drive to pick her up but sit in the car til the last moment. Sometimes just 10 minutes but occasionally near on an hour. Sometimes we just need that little break and me time to recharge and make us better able to deal with the carnage of tea, bath and bed. Your colleagues behaviour is maybe a result of something similar OP.

How do you know its a lot for him though? Some children have been in nurseries from being tiny until going to school from 8 to 6.30pm through necessity.

As others have said maybe he likes going with his friends and to do the activities they do. Maybe she gets her weekly shop done and all other admin in peace and then can devote the whole evening to him.

Yes it's mean. Whatever she says about needing time to recharge and be the best mum she can be, if she's not actually seeing her child she's not doing that. Actions speak louder than words.

I would sometimes walk past - in the opposite direction - those parents going to pick up at 3.15, whilst I had paid for after school club for an hour so that I could go for a walk or a run. Because it was the only childcare of any sort I ever had access to, and without it I would never have had a minute to take care of myself: every minute was either working, or with children. Relentless.
Judge away, but you should try to remind yourself that you never totally know about someone else’s situation.

Absolute rubbish. As others have said, a good parent needs to have reserves of energy, patience, headspace. None of us have any idea of this mum's circumstances, job role or child's temperament. Just being in the same room as your child does not automatically make you a better parent than one who is in good shape in the slightly fewer hours they are together.

It may feel a lot to you but I imagine your colleague has her reasons that might not have been fully disclosed to you and unless you’ve heard otherwise her child is likely ok. You say you also find the evenings hard so not sure what the point of this post is other than to be judgmental that this colleague isn’t doing what you think is better.

She's doing what works for her. Maybe it makes her a better mother when she's with him if she has a little bit of downtime to herself? We're all different and have different needs. I'd try not to judge just because she's doing motherhood differently to you.

Do you know for a fact that he finds it a lot, or are you just assuming that based on his age? My nephew at the same age used to beg and plead to go to after school clubs because his friends went, and was most upset that my SAHM sister in law didn't send him.

Perhaps dc is a child who bounces off walls,
perhaps he hates being picked up early (mine used to have tantrums if I was earlier for pick up),
perhaps her dc socialises well,
Perhaps mum is a bit broken and not coping.

Yup - I agree with these posts. You never know what is going on behind the scenes for someone so maybe don’t judge. If you are genuinely concerned about it maybe have a conversation with colleague along the lines of ‘is everything ok - do you need help etc’ if you aren’t prepared to offer help then maybe don’t judge.

It does. And a good parent also spends time with their kids. If he's not being picked up (through choice) until 6pm then it's going to be home, tea, bath and bed. Decent parents engage with their children, so I totally agree someone who sits in a room with them but ignores them also isn't doing a good job.

It's not though. I was a nursery kid picked up at 6pm. I have absolutely no concerns about the quality of my childhood. I've always loved nursery. My younger cousins were on a similar schedule and don't have any gripes about it either. You makes assumptions based on your feelings as a parent whereas a child's experience can be very different from what you imagine it to be.

Gdcs love it, too. Dh once mistakenly went early to fetch Gds, who really didn’t want to leave yet - dh went back later!

I guess she's paying until 6 so why not. Maybe he loves it there and doesn't want to go. My DD used to be cross if i went to get her early and she was busy playing.
I used to get her about 5.30 when i could "easily" have got her more like 5 but i used to do stuff like empty the dishwasher, start dinner prep and have a bit of time to decompress after finishing work.
It wasn't every day though so I guess it's a bit different.
But basically YABU because it's none of your business

How old are your children OP? Some children really enjoy ASC and maybe the child begs to stay? I know mine wouldn't have wanted to leave her friends at that age! It's not as though they are doing schoolwork or anything, they are just playing, which they would probably do at home, so it's not really a "long" day, if that makes sense? If they are an only child, they are probably having a whale of a time with their friends and really don't want to go home where there is no-one to play with (like it would have been for mine).

Or maybe she just needs a bit of time to herself between work and the evening depending on what support she has at home. Either is totally understandable, horses for courses and all that.

And if she picks him up early but then has to plonk him in front of the TV while she empties the bin, sorts the washing, gets dinner on, opens the post, goes to the loo or has a quick shower post work..is that better? Dinner bath and bed is actually loads of time to interact and play and sing songs and read stories and have cuddles. Another hour on top of that isn't going to magically create a better bond. Mums are people too and going from a full day at work (again, we have no idea what this person does..it could be v interactive and responsive, not just sitting at a desk) with no break is bloody hard and not automatically in the child's best interest.

Yes, I think your post is a bit mean. You have no idea what goes on behind this colleagues closed doors. She may be dealing with MH issues, may genuinely be struggling to balance everything and needs that time to catch up on things.

How exactly do you know that Shes going home to watch TV? Is she is a single parent?

I get that some kids would struggle with those hours but I can also imagine situations where the benefit to the mothers mental health of that time to either get house jobs done or have some respite would outweigh it. This might be the best way for this family to manage their needs.

Yep mine are the same! They get angry at me if I pick them up early, they love it there. The ideal time is 5.30/ 6 for them. Any earlier I’m met with fury 😂

Michellesbackbrace · Yesterday 19:58

Yes I agree that’s mean. But I’m a sahm and always loved being with mine - not everyone’s the same. Some kids are probably better off in after school care than being home with their parents! At least they’re playing and getting attention at after school club

Well that didn’t take long, did it?

I was a sah parent too because it suited our circumstances. I had lots of friends who were not. Never once did I judge them and find them failing, as you clearly do.

There are several circumstances I can imagine where I would much rather get everything done at home/have my child do their homework at school, prepare a nice meal for us to share then spend the time we had together at home focussed entirely on them.

You keep saying 'it's a lot for him' and 'it feels like a really long day for him'. But how on earth do you know how he feels about it or copes with it?

Some kids might find it hard, some might love it. It's not your kid and not your business. Focus on your own parenting, not your friend's.

@Lamplighting @Tia86

Mine was the exact same! I used to be delighted to finish early and go and pick them up... and would be met with anger, tears and tantrums 😅 Eventually, I would just use that hour or so whenever it happened to go and do the shopping or whatever I needed to do!