Mum died

[DeftOpalLion]

My mum recently died. She was careless with her health. Smoked (tried to hide it from us). Never exercised, avoided the dr. Didn’t take meds properly. Died of a heart attack aged 77. Why was she like that? Difficult to process her death

So sorry to hear that, you are feeling angry and that's okay, it's one of the stages of grief, hope you are okay. X

My mum died at 77, she didn't smoke or drink so it doesn't always follow that lifestyle is a direct cause.

I'm so sorry for your loss. It's a difficult time.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Grief hits us in different ways and different times. Everything you are feeling is normal.

Take care of yourself.

Take care op, sorry for your loss

I am so sorry. I think feeling angry with your mum is quite natural and part of the grieving process. She obviously enjoyed her secret cigarettes, the secrecy was probably part of the fun. As for not taking medication properly or looking after herself, she probably didn’t realise that it would lead to her death. She sounds like she was a bit of a rebel. Look after yourself ❤️

Such a difficult time. As pp said and I'm sure you know, it's a stage.
In a while you will begin to have a fuller memory of her as a while person, not just the awkward parts.
Be nice to yourself, whatever that looks like for you.

my mum smoked and didn't drink... she died at 45! You will never get the answers you want, at the moment you are angry, it will pass.. take care of yourself

Whole person, meant to say.

People die at all ages, regardless of lifestyle.

Best just mourn your mum without looking for reasons. 🌷

I’m so sorry for your loss. As pp have said the anger will fade and be replaced by nice memories of your mum. Look after yourself.

She may have felt it was better to enjoy life than to prolong it and have years of dementia. 77 is not a bad age, it's about the life expectancy for someone born in 1948. But it's normal to feel angry after a death. I didn't feel angry at my mother, I felt angry at everyone I met who still had a mother - which was, of course, totally unreasonable, but all part of the grieving process.

My darling Dad died from a sudden cardiac arrest at 56. Never touched a cigarette in his life, had a couple of glasses of red wine per week, ran marathons. Had a medical every year via his job and nothing was ever picked up. He was at work when he collapsed and hadn’t had any worrying symptoms beforehand.

The hardest part of it was that there wasn’t a reason. It’s been a year now and I still can’t wrap my head around any of it, I still expect to see his name pop up on my phone.

I’m sorry for your loss ❤️‍🩹

Exactly this. Look after yourself op, and take each day as it comes.

Sorry for your loss. x

I sorry.
My mum also died recently aged 70. She was also irresponsible with her health. She was morbidly obese, ate crap, never went to the doctor, never drank enough water so she was hospitalised a few years previous with horrendous kidney stones. In the end she was incontinent and immobile and completely reliant on my stepdad. It makes me really angry she was like that. To add insult to injury she wanted a direct cremation but despite making it seem like she had, didn't put any actual plans/ get a payment plan in place thus leaving my incompetent stepdad to deal with the arrangement (my brother stepped in). It's awful...

It is normal to feel anger. I felt anger towards my sister for a long time after she died aged 49 as she drank herself into an early grave.
It does get better.
I'm sorry for your loss.

I am sorry to hear this OP. My mum was a little younger than yours. Same here. I begged her to go to the doctor but she wouldn’t. It was all that long after that when she died. I miss her a lot.

I’m sorry. It’s so hard to lose a mum. My mum was younger than your mum when she died. She didn’t smoke or drink, she walked, she had hobbies, she ate healthily. It’s normal to be angry at someone when they die, though. I felt angry with mum for a while, about things she’d said etc, even though we had a good relationship. It’s a normal part of the grieving process.

Op, I'm so sorry for your loss.

Many people have difficult relationships with their mums. Do you have family you can talk to about her?

Remember, you can't control what people do or how they act; all you can do is control how YOU behave and react.

Take care of yourself.