Women’s workload has increased from wfh

[Fluffyiguana]

Is it just me or does anyone else feel like their workload in the home has gone up so much since they started working from home?

I mean it makes sense with now having two adults in the house 24/7 rather than just a few hours in the evening and weekends.

I just feel like I’m spending my life loading and unloading the dishes, replacing toilet roll, vacuuming, taking the bins out and repairing and replacing household items far more often due to them being so much more in use. The work is never done!

DP does chip in but feel even between us there’s a lot more to do and refresh.

I did not appreciate how much of a difference it makes going out to a place of work 10 hours a day where they have a cleaner emptying the bins, hoovering and replacing kettles from over use!

There are definite advantages to wfh but this is a big disadvantage to me..

Honestly, now that I wfh and DH doesn't, I'm expected to do all the house work because I'm "home all day". It's true, I am. But I'm also doing a job! When I loan at him he just says he can't do it because he's at work. Also true.

I invested in some good headphones and scouted out some good podcasts. I think of cleaning as my "workout" and I bill DH by making him buy me takeaway whenever I want it. It stops some of the resentment.

This.

DP does chip in

This is the issue.

Now that's interesting!
And I thought WFH was something everyone would like to do (obviously where applicable).
What if you lived on your own?
😁

I’ve WFH for years, whereas DH only started it during Covid. Now he doesn’t really work much but is home all day, so it amounts to the same thing.

It took him a while to realise I wasn’t going to make him a cooked lunch everyday…. Now he does make a mess at lunchtime as always wants something hot, but deals with it himself.

Definitely makes my life easier being able to slot housework between meetings! But doesn’t make it easier having DH home all the time with me as he’s always after an opinion or a hand with something (whether he’s actually working or not).

Some might be but I'm not. I use the commute time, lunch hours, wash a few dishes/load laundry whilst making a cuppa. The latter is no different to having a natter to a colleague in the kitchen area if I was in the office. I'm actually more accessible at home. If I am in the kitchen brewing up or making lunch, I have my work phone handy. If a colleague called me on Teams I'd answer (depending on who it was!) That wouldn't happen away from my desk in the office

I wfh for 4 years I tended to eat left overs for lunch and clean up directly afterwards. I have a one cup coffee machine and tend to just use same cup. Again just stick in dishwasher when finished.

Why does your DP only do 30%? And does he clean up after his culinary masterpieces? It would really stress me out to go and make a coffee to find dirty dishes all over.

I'd want to be in an office even more so if I lived on my own so I had face to face contact with people.

Before I met DP in the last few years since covid / wfh I've gone through periods of actually paying £200-300 a month to be able to work in a coworking space!

But can't afford that now, and I think it would make me more annoyed if I was paying that and commuting and then came home to a messy kitchen.

Well the problem is, clearly, your husband isn't it?

It isn't anything to do with wfh.

It's to do with the fact that your husband now creates far more mess, and he only 'chips in' with less that half.

Rocket science this isn't.

It's only a problem for the women who have an unequal sexist marriage.

Exactly this.

I'd much rather have my husbands 2 hours a day commute and 1 hour lunch break out of the house than my full-time WFH home with all the washing, cleaning, cooking, and school runs.

Plus I'm now stuck in a WFH job I hate because now he's back in the office there is no one else around to school runs.

I'm like you tbh. There's certainly no cooking a whole meal from scratch every lunchtime.

I'd say we're about 50/50 with the loading and unloading the dishwasher part but the other things it just doesn't seem to occur to him to do - cleaning the hob, sweeping the kitchen floor, cleaning the sink. And for some reason he never takes the bins or recycling out ever.

But it's also tricky territory where I kind of feel like: why should I even do 50% of the cleaning when you create 3x the mess? Because how do you reasonably say that to your partner: You cook 3 meals a day and I cook one so you need to do 3x the cleaning of the kitchen and emptying of the bins as me!

Is he cooking for you too and are you happy that he does so, or would you prefer a light quick lunch?

Why on earth does he never take out the bins? You need to have a proper conversation with him about him pulling his weight at home and not just doing the bare minimum whenever he feels like it.

Plus I'm now stuck in a WFH job I hate because now he's back in the office there is no one else around to school runs.

Why do you have to @woolflower when theres 2 parents who are equally responsible?
If he can do a full time ooh job then of course so can you.
Childminders, after school club if you both want to. If that's not available then you both need to work out how you're going to share the pick up fairly between the TWO EQUAL parents.

Yeah, my employer are big on wellbeing. They encourage us to get up and move during meetings, take breaks and get that 5m of washing done.

I find it annoying that my husband WFH too and doesn't really do chores in breaks. So when I finish work I like to sit and chill out but he's grumbling about being busy, when I've done little bits all day.

I feel like this has got a bit too focused on my specific situation rather than what I was generally looking for which was to see if anyone else felt the same.. so I'll probably decline to answer any more of the questions about DP / our situation.

Ultimately all I really want to say is I just miss the days of a quick half hour commute to the office (I once had a 9 minute walk from home to the office!) using their kitchen / bathroom / bins and then returning home at the end of the day to home just as I'd left it 😂

Not at all. I worked from home before the pandemic and only find that it saves me 3 hours a day. And I hardly ever get coughs and colds now I'm not picking them up on manky public transport.

After school club is used but doesn't start early enough and end late enough to accomodate a commute. He will not budge on asking for flexibility at work in order to do some of the drop offs or pick ups.

I've been very clear with him about the impact that has on me and our relationship, he thinks I'm being dramatic and awkward. Our relationship is pretty much dead because of it and I spend most my days weighing up the pros and cons of a divorce.

Sweet lord no - the only thing that has increased for me more is cooking mainly because i was the last home due to my commute - We had a cleaner but would be stull running around doing stuff at weekends before back to work Monday. Now with WFH - we both only out now about one day a week depending on schedule. Laundry has reduced big time as not wearing as much clothes. Finish now at a nice time in evening with time to run a hoover or mop if required and cook a proper dinner or have time to sit and watch tipping point 😝My weekends are freed up - we still have our cleaner all be it not every week now - would never get rid of her. I dunno what mugs and kettles you have that are getting wear and tear - I use one mug all day just rinse it out - same as i would have done in work. Mugs i have here are years old 😅

I have had the same kettle and mugs for nearly 15yrs now, they’re certainly not showing any extra signs of wear and tear in the last 4yrs of wfh!!! It sounds like you’re making excuses because you’re fed up with your husband taking the piss. Tell him to do his own washing up and sort the bins. I can’t believe someone would be that disrespectful, I certainly wouldn’t put up with it.

Sounds like you want to escape from him for a bit and I don’t blame you. I would look for another job as you don’t seem very happy at the moment.