The trickiest part of divorce?! Splitting the family iTunes/Apple TV/etc?

[GreensAreGoodForYou]

Maybe it's just me, but this is proving to be the trickiest part – deciding who gets to keep the gazillions of movies/TV shows/music we've bought for the kids and ourselves on the shared account. Me, my ex, and my two kids all have access to the same shared account and for the life of me I can't figure out how to extract the accounts without one of us losing shows/music/whatever.

As we both want to watch these movies/shows etc with the kids when we're with them (shared custody) it doesn't seem fair that one person gets them and the other doesn't.

Is there some magical method to fix this? Right now, I see all the podcasts my ex listens to (boring stuff) and he sees mine, I assume (stuff about narcissistic exes, oops!), it's my card that's on the account too, so when he subscribes to something I'm paying for it!

Please tell me there's some simple solution to this? Or does one of us just have to deal with the loss of years of downloads? TIA!

I should add that OBVIOUSLY the trickiest part is custody, but we've done that bit already. Splitting assets seems easy compared to this conundrum! But it is a bit tongue in cheek as it's not the end of the world if I lose access to all the music I've bought over the years... I think... actually it kind of is 😂

At least it's possible to split the CD/record collection

Not all progress is good progress.

Could you make the family iTunes only for joint/kids stuff and then set up your own separate accounts?
But there's no easy solution, one of the two of you will basically have to accept the loss of the content. Or both of you?

Can you agree that you keep the subscription as you pay for it but allow your ex access to the kids stuff and his existing library?

For most of these services, there's only one actual account holder, and then additional people with access to the account. So there's not really anything to split.

I do think there needs to be rules (either laws or an industry code of practice or something) around the right to reassign digital content though - I believe that at the moment if you buy a load of content and then die, in many cases the ownership of that just disappears rather than it being part of your estate.

EDIT TO ADD: if it's your card, then it's likely (but not certain) that the "one actual account holder" is you in this case.

But that's likely not allowed within the streaming service's T&Cs - and it's possible that breaching these risks the OP losing access to her account (at least in theory - the chances of this happening are presumably tiny) and all the content she's paid for. Why should she take this risk?

Usually one person will be the account holder. It's unlikely they are a joint account. It's normally set up by an individual who grants access to members of their family. Whoever is named the account holder keeps the account, the other person loses access.

It is a downside of digital media. You don't "buy" a film, you buy a licence for you to use until either party decide to cancel the licence. (Normally the provider shuts down and the purchaser loses everything.) It's the same if someone dies, physical media can be passed on but digital media usually doesn't.

Can you create a new account, buy all the content you need and have that as part of the financial split? As in, he'll need to compensate you for the loss of the old account as he now has it?

DS shared a Netflix account with us while he lived at home. Once he moved out he has it, but we pay a bolt on amount to share his account. Netflix do a shared account between 2 houses.

One person holds the account - the family organiser. Everyone else just shares the purchases that everyone else has made. If you leave the family you lose access to shared purchases. Purchases can only be made on one account - but can be shared with 5 others.

make kids accounts and add them to the family and they can still watch everything.

If you are the account holder and you pay, you keep the account. He needs to start a new account. Just as you/he have duplicate physical assets, so you/he will have duplicate digital assets.

If they were physical dvds / cds, you would just buy another copy, you wouldn't shuttle them back and forth would you?

Ooh so I'm the account holder then, how marvellous! Except it's with his email 😳So I'll have to get him to agree to transfer it (as the codes etc all go to him). Going to try that, surely he'll agree as I'm sure he doesn't want me to see what he's listening to/watching either!

Thanks all. Some great tips/advice here. We actually had a similar scenario when we moved from the US to the UK – because of the 'choosing your region' thing we suddenly lost a lot of digital content (TV shows/movies) because we'd bought it in the US, not the UK. I spoke to Apple about it and in the end chose to stay with the US region as it would've cost us too much to buy everything again. Once the kids were older (and no longer wanted those shows) we switched regions. But I was outraged that I'd 'bought' this item and then suddenly didn't own it anymore. If it had been a physical DVD it would still be mine. I hate this aspect of digital stuff.

And yes, it would've been somewhat easier with records/CDs!

If it's Apple, it looks like you can just change the primary email if you are signed in on a verified device. https://support.apple.com/en-us/109353 so you won't need access to ex's email.

Check for yourself though as I don't use Apple. I googled "change Apple account primary email no access"

Going to try this RIGHT NOW! Thank you!

So it's his email address, and your card details.

But whose name is on the account?

I don't mean the cardholder name (that'll be you) and I don't mean if his name is contained within his email address, but the name in the main account details.

We’ve just kept shared logins. He pays for Netflix and I pay for Amazon prime and Disney. The kids like being able to use the same login at both our houses so they can continue watching series etc.

My friend's ex added the OW to the family subscriptions. The absolute wanker.

It looks like we (I) have screwed this up quite royally... would you believe that my eldest daughter is listed as 'Organiser' with her email address as the apple ID, and my email address as the purchases/subscriptions. And, it gets worse, the 'name' on the account is my youngest daughter's!

I suspect this is because of one time when the ex had bought our youngest a new iPad and I had to sign into it/set up the account quickly as we were going travel to a country where they're hardcore careful about imports, and they sometimes check that computers/tablets are personal (to make sure you're not carrying goods for resale). I remember I did it in a rush and put in my email to make it 'easier' but I suspect that's where this mess started. Or at least got a lot worse!

Now I'm wondering how my ex even accesses it... since his email doesn't appear. He complained last time I changed the password as he said he suddenly couldn't access updates for his apps on his iPad. Doesn't help that I've passed on old iPads to my kids (with my log-in details) and he's done the same (with his log-in details). Ugh. What a horrible techie mess!

That's got to hurt a LOT. Ufff. Karma's coming for him (I hope!).

@GreensAreGoodForYou Oh dear. It sounds like it's a good time to work out a structure. 😬

Yeah, might as well untangle this mess, too. Will be good to be 'downloads divorced' too! 😂

@GreensAreGoodForYou Because she paid for it all, she just cancelled and started her own account. He was fuming 🤣. The absolute audacity of a man who thinks his wife should fund the entertainment of him and his side piece ☠️

You pay for it, you take it

my ex had to get his own Amazon / Netflix etc when we split