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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DH ill and spreading germs

17 replies

AlwaysGotAnOpinion · 07/01/2025 23:10

AIBU… I really don’t know!

I’d been out on Sunday with DD1, came home to DH in a grump having spent the afternoon with DD2. He very quickly said he started to feel poorly (not before giving me a kiss!), shivery, achey, took himself to bed early. He was awake when I went upstairs at normal bedtime so I asked if he’d mind sleeping in the spare room so I could avoid germs as I have to look after the kids / only get paid if I work set hours Monday - Wednesday so can’t afford to be ill. He refused and said he’d sleep the other way. This obvs didn’t happen with all his tossing and turning, coughing and spluttering.

(Context: I have a bad back and can only sleep comfortably on our mattress; nothing wrong with spare room bed so he is always the one that sleeps there if needed.)

He phoned in sick to work Monday and Tuesday, but has been alternating being in bed / sending work emails on computer / watching TV on sofa. He is feeling a bit better but plans to wfh Wednesday.

Fast forward 48 hours from him feeling unwell on Sunday and I’ve gone downhill suddenly with the same thing - aching body, sore throat and ears, banging head. So now I definitely can’t work tomorrow and won’t get paid. He’s now conveniently gone off to sleep in the spare room tonight.

AIBU to feel pissed off he’s given me his germs when he could have slept in the other bed from Sunday / isolated more effectively than he has? I don’t want the kids getting this right when they’re back at school and me having to manage us all poorly 😵‍💫 we’ve always done pretty well at avoiding each others germs especially since Covid / isolation was a thing so I’m annoyed this has taken us both out and is costing us money when I feel it could have been avoided!

OP posts:

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 07/01/2025 23:19

He'll have to take a days leave tomorrow and look after everyone else so you can stay in bed for starters.

DO NOT MOVE in the morning.

ThinWomansBrain · 07/01/2025 23:24

TBF if he is coughing and spluttering around the house you'd have probably got it anyway. Buy a decent mattress/bed for the spare room

HeeleighWay · 07/01/2025 23:25

It's taking everyone out at the moment

Endofyear · 08/01/2025 00:27

He was probably infectious before he was symptomatic and you would have caught it anyway. If I was ill and in bed and my DH asked me to go and sleep in the spare room, I'd be bit pissed off - you could have gone to sleep in the spare room if you really wanted to avoid him. You need to get a decent firm mattress in the spare room if you can't sleep on that bed.

HeddaGarbled · 08/01/2025 00:47

How mean and selfish do you have to be to try and turf your ill spouse out of their sick-bed in a fruitless attempt to avoid a common winter bug.

Crivvit · 08/01/2025 05:15

HeddaGarbled · 08/01/2025 00:47

How mean and selfish do you have to be to try and turf your ill spouse out of their sick-bed in a fruitless attempt to avoid a common winter bug.

And to then open a thread to complain about their selfishness of getting sick. It’s incredible.

SplendidUtterly · 08/01/2025 05:40

He should've gone to the spare room. Yanbu.

biscuitsandbooks · 08/01/2025 07:17

Most colds and viruses are contagious way before symptoms start showing.

kiana2015 · 08/01/2025 07:19

When you live together these things aren't really preventable.

Porcuporpoise · 08/01/2025 07:21

I think you were probably going to get it regardless. However you should totally take to your bed now and let him sort out the kids. He can take time off if needed, make sure he does.

BananaSpanner · 08/01/2025 07:22

I don’t share a bed with my kids but still catch their illnesses. We live together, it happens.

Zanatdy · 08/01/2025 07:23

Living in the same house it’s pretty inevitable anyway. Make sure he is pulling his weight now you’re sick. Stay in bed.

CamelByCamel · 08/01/2025 07:24

Don't be an eejit.

For the future, if it's important to you that you sleep separately from your spouse when they're ill, get a bed and mattress in the spare room that works for your bad back.

Whyherewego · 08/01/2025 07:24

Sorry but I doubt sharing a bed was the cause of the infection.
However I think it's unreasonable of him to keep you awake with coughing etc and he should have gone to the spare room anyway!

Overthebow · 08/01/2025 09:30

You would have likely got it anyway.

IBlameYourMother · 08/01/2025 09:37

I think the nuance here is important. He refused to sleep in the spare room while he was ill, but now you are ill (and presumably might disturb his sleep) he’s taken himself off to the spare room. That’s a dick move and shows he’s only thinking of himself.

I agree you may have got it anyway, but last time I was sick DP took himself off to the spare room (also doesn’t get paid sick leave) and I didn’t get it. We don’t have kids though and once you add kids to the mix I think everyone is getting the germs!!!

Id agree with previous poster: get a better mattress in the spare room and if it happens again take yourself in there.

LondonLawyer · 08/01/2025 12:39

I agree you'd probably have got it anyway, but I'm sure you didn't sleep wonderfully with him coughing and spluttering. But I also think it might have been fairer to ask him to go to the spare room before you went up and he was awake, but already in bed; if someone's feeling rubbish and already in his own bed, it's harder to move than if you plan it in advance?

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