Dating as plus size

35 replies

Lonelylass90 · 07/01/2025 18:47

I am currently a size 16-18. I am trying to lose weight and get fit and don’t really use the dating apps, but I’ve matched with this guy who seems really lovely. We are texting every day and I’m just getting a really nice vibe from him.

However I think he’s out of my league and I am worried when he sees me he’s going to think I am fat and not be interested. Some of the pictures on my profile are a few years old when I was slimmer and I don’t have a full body picture.

I just wish I was slim and wasn’t so self conscious about meeting him. Any words of advice?

OP posts:

HollyKnight · 07/01/2025 19:22

Send proper pics and update your profile ones. What was the point in using old photos? It's just going to attract men who are attracted to an old you. You're only hurting current you by doing that.

username299 · 07/01/2025 19:23

It's a big mistake to put old photos on your dating profile. What were you trying to achieve when you were obviously going to meet them?

The average size for a woman in the UK is 16 so I wouldn't worry about it.

Arlanymor · 07/01/2025 19:30

I remember being so frustrated when I was OLD and people used photos from a long time ago - it’s such a waste of time. The best guy I ever dated had a picture of him eating a sandwich with his two kids - it was not flattering! When we met it knocked my socks off because he was gorgeous - I actually think it’s better to use less than perfect photos. As a PP said, either accept your size and date now, or take time away from OLD until you’re feeling more comfortable with your body shape. As far as this guy goes, send him an honest photo before you set up a meeting, saves a lot of heartache.

Arlanymor · 07/01/2025 19:30

DorianMeile · 07/01/2025 19:31

I went on a date with someone who was overweight, but used old photos where he was slim and toned. It was the reason I didn't go on a second date (and I'll happily date men with a bit of weight on them!). It wasn't what he looked like that bothered me, but the fact that I felt duped. It felt dishonest and that's no way to start a relationship.

Wonderi · 07/01/2025 19:33

Dating someone who is plus size wouldn’t bother me.
Neither would height etc

Someone looking very different to their photos would bother me though, as I see it as deceitful and a red flag.

I would post some photos showing your actual size.
If you’ve added each other on WhatsApp then put it on there, you don’t need to send them to him directly.

It’s very likely that he would still be interested but it just helps take your anxiety of it away.

DivorcedAndDelighted · 07/01/2025 19:36

You might find dating coach little nudge Erika Ettin interesting to follow. I'm happily in a long term relationship but I still find her fun and informative to read. She advises people to always use one full-length photo in their profile.
Personally I think it's such a shame to use misleading photos, and it can ruin the date when it would otherwise have been fine. I wouldn't want someone's first feeling on meeting me to be disappointment. Using misleading photos is like lying about your age - it's disrespecting potential matches by deciding that you know better and doesn't allow them to make their own informed decision about whether to meet. Much better to be honest and have them charmed that you're even better in real life.

kshaw · 07/01/2025 19:53

I'm a 16-18 and 10 months into meeting a great guy who really seems to like my curves. But representing yourself wrong on apps surely isn't helping this anxiety? Put true photos of yourself on, the lying is the most unattractive part I am sure.

RockOrAHardplace · 07/01/2025 19:57

Starting a relationship off with a lie is not a good start.

There are lots of men that like a fuller figure on a woman and the honest answer is just to be you, that is who you want them to fall in love with, not with something you may aspire to. Don't try to start a relationship by lying as you will end up feeling inadequate..

I say this from experience. I was the same size as you when I met my husband... we have been together a long time now. You are good enough as you are and there are lots of men that will love you for it, if you give them a chance.

LolaLouise · 07/01/2025 20:29

Be honest.

Even though i used up to date photos, they were mostly waist upwards ones and i looked smaller in the pics. I said on my profile that i was bigger than photos suggested and if they were looking for a gym partner, to swipe left etc. I reiterated this in conversations pretty early on. One man i had a really strong connection with, a lot in common even some pretty niche stuff, but i knew my weight was going to be an issue. He insisted it wasnt so we met up for a drink, and i could tell immediately there was no physical attraction, but we had a good time. I messaged afterwards and said im old enough to understand that physical attraction wasnt there due to my size, however, im also mature enough to think that shouldnt stop us having a friendship given how much we have in common. He is now one of my closest friends 4 years later, and we socialise, me with my partner, him with his, and a wider circle of friends we share from the niche hobby, alot. Even now ive shifted most of the weight i can see that we would never have worked romantically, but the friendship is very dear to me, and also brought me a whole social circle i wouldnt have if id blocked him after it was apparent my weight was an issue. Incidently i met my now partner off dating apps.

So thats a pretty long winded way of saying be honest, and also be understanding that people have types and preferences and its not a bad thing if you arent their type, i dismissed plenty of people i was physically attracted to because they had other traits i didnt gel with. There are also though plenty of people who really dont care about weight, or prefer a curvier fuller figure. Just keep an open mind too, sometimes you can gain more from the dating apps than you expect going into them.

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