No time to myself

[Freddo993]

OH and I have had a argument this evening because I asked if I could have 10 minutes where I wasn't touching another person today.

We have two kids, a 2 year old and a 3 month old. The baby co-sleeps so I basically sleep holding him. This morning my toddler woke up at 5 and came through to our bed and climbed in also wanting to cuddle mum. Since then I've not had more than 5 minutes where I've not been holding one of them all day. The baby has to be in the baby sling a lot of the day to stop the toddler grabbing him. When I shower the toddler comes in with me so I can keep an eye on him. I cook with the baby in the baby carrier and he's breastfed so a lot of the day he's just attached to me.

This evening after the toddler finally went to bed I was feeding the baby again when my husband came through and asked if I could give him a massage. I replied asking if I could get 10 minutes to myself beforehand but apparently this was the wrong response and he's now going on about how if I won't touch him he'll have to find another woman who will! I know he's just trying to upset me but I'm more upset that I'm just expected to look after everyone literally 24/7 and my husband doesn't get why I'm feeling burnt out.

I know it's particularly bad at the moment with the kids ages but AIBU? Should I sacrifice the very little time I get to myself to make my husband happy.

I think my frustration is added to because my husband goes out running 2 evenings a week and gets to go to the gym and he goes to the pub with his friends every few weeks whereas I left the house on my own for the first time since August to go to the beautician last week (fully encouraged by my husband) and came back to him saying that I was selfish to leave the baby and it's not fair to do that yet!

As a mum I know it's my job to put other people first but how do others cope doing this constantly for years on end?

Your husband is a huge arsehole. I would not touch him ever again.

What a selfish pig he is OP! He gets to go off and do whatever he wants on a regular basis, but the minute you ask for 10 minutes respite he threatens to find another woman? Quite frankly I'd tell him that another woman would be welcome to him! I'm absolutely FUMING on your behalf!

if I won't touch him he'll have to find another woman who will!

WTAF?

Get in the fkin bin, manipulative arsehole.

husband goes out running 2 evenings a week and gets to go to the gym and he goes to the pub with his friends every few weeks

Go out this weekend, let him look after his children.

Arsehole.

Don't have more kids with this man.

You KNOW you aren't being unreasonable.

I'd clap my legs shut and let him go and find another woman who would put up with his shit.

It'll get better OP, more so when you kick him out.

Run for the hills.

😢

this is so mean of him

He needs to spend a long day with the dc without you.

You’ve got a 3 month old and your husband is threatening to cheat on you if you don’t do what he wants. At best he’s not serious and us actively trying to upset and scare you into being intimate with him (rather than support you so you feel comfortable and ready to do that yourself) and at worst that was a legitimate warning that he will cheat if he can.

He sounds massively unhelpful, cruel and selfish

Jesus, I thought you were going to say you asked him to take the baby for a bit, not that he wanted a bloody massage!! And that response is disgusting

Your husband does sound like a dick. You have my full sympathy for the 'touched out' feeling too. It's a horrible thing. I can remember want to just scream for everyone to get the fuck off me. It doesn't last forever but it can feel like it does.

You cannot help others with their air mask thing until you’ve put your own on/you can not fill others cups until you’ve filled your own/you need to put your life jacket on first… the list of annoying sayings is long but you are not being unreasonable.

What you asked for is completely fair and I was going to suggest in the future hiding the need under saying “absolutely just going to have quick shower” but actually fuck that, he should be respectful of your personal needs and you shouldn’t need to make them palatable for him. And I would personally be asking for more that 10 minutes, 30 would be an absolute minimum.

Actually agree with him. Send him and his sorry twat arse out to find someone to have him. Won't be an easy task I imagine. Meanwhile you will manage more than fine. He is a class A cunt.

He’s a dick! It’s so tough being wanted and hassled by babies all day even thought you love them. I thought my DH was a dick when DD was 6 weeks old and he asked if we would sit upstairs for the evening so he could have a film night to himself. Men just don’t get it. YANBU.

He wanted a massage? I'm not often speechless but the fact that he would ask you that when you're a new breastfeeding mother with a toddler to look after all day as well, has left me truly gobsmacked! And then his crack about finding another woman to do it if you won't, honestly OP he sounds like a MASSIVE arsehole!!

I would hand him the baby and go and have a long soak in a hot bath. Don't ask for 10 minutes to yourself - just give him the baby and go out in future. Go to a coffee shop and have a lovely coffee and a toastie or pastry and decompress for an hour. Let him see how hard it is taking care of a 2 year old and a baby!

Oh tell him to go and dump his selfish arse on someone else and you'll enjoy the peace and quiet and shared custody.

You absolutely can leave your baby with his parent. And you are not HIS mother so his needs do not supplant yours. Where's YOUR massage? Where's your cup of tea and feet up for five. Bet he moans you don't have enough sex too when he's working so hard and he needs his needs met. Dick.