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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Partner following only fans girls on social media

30 replies

Nurse10 · 06/01/2025 19:57

Am I being unreasonable to be upset by this....

The other day I somehow got the feeling to look through my partners following list on insta and noticed hes following a few bikini models but one recent only fans model who has links to her snapchat and all of her pictures or vids are her in bikinis/underwear posing suggestively, sucking bananas etc etc. Im quite an open person dont mind following celebrity crushes or him watching porn etc we have actually watched it together but this has really bothered me and I certainly dont follow only fans males with their tops off and bulges hanging out! I did confront him and he initially didnt see an issue and when I asked why he followed her I intially got 2 diff stories one was she come up on his for you page and the other was that his pal showed him and said follow her (massive ick given they are grown men not teenagers). He basically said he didnt know why he followed her and then he liked her boobs so thats why but he doesnt interact with her so doesnt think its an issue. He also admitted he started following her whilst in a relationahip with me. He has lied in the past about an ex on social media (I add the term ex losely basically a girl he would snapchat and send pictures too) who he told me he deleted (she kept messaging him) but then he was still friends with her and gave me conflicting stories about deleting her, adding her back because he felt bad. He is always on his phone and on snapchat which I also find an ick to be honest as to me thats what teenagers use but its up to him. Its just made me paranoid if thats what I have seen what havent I. Its also made me feel really self concious and horrible which I do get is my insecurity. Hes stopped following these accounts but its got me thinking really who am I to question who be follows and am I being unreasonable and controlling? Is this just typical men behaviour?

OP posts:
Someonelookedatmypostinghistorysoichanged · 06/01/2025 20:01

Why is he your partner ? He’s grim. Put him in the bin.

Theextraordinaryisintheordinary · 06/01/2025 20:03

I wouldn’t be having that either. I get where you’re coming from. Horrible isn’t it?

Angelcakelover · 06/01/2025 20:07

I'd be so turned off with a man like that tbh.

SatansBobbleheadedDashboardOrnament · 06/01/2025 20:10

Come on...

Morningsky · 06/01/2025 20:35

Tbh if you are happy with him watching porn and happy with him perving on celebrities I don't know why this is any different. You are happy he gets his sexual gratification from other women so why this distinction?

Nurse10 · 06/01/2025 20:48

Morningsky · 06/01/2025 20:35

Tbh if you are happy with him watching porn and happy with him perving on celebrities I don't know why this is any different. You are happy he gets his sexual gratification from other women so why this distinction?

You have a very valid point and to be honest I dont know why an only fans model has bothered me so much but it just has. I wish I could help how I feel I really do.

OP posts:
Endofyear · 06/01/2025 20:54

He would give me the ick 🤮 dump him and find yourself an actual grown up OP!

toomuchfaff · 06/01/2025 21:43

Someonelookedatmypostinghistorysoichanged · 06/01/2025 20:01

Why is he your partner ? He’s grim. Put him in the bin.

As ever, first post nails it.

Screamingabdabz · 06/01/2025 21:46

He’s a low-rent grubby perv. Why do you want this for your life? Find a man with some integrity.

Pussycat22 · 06/01/2025 21:47

Ex partner!!!

Samsung37 · 10/01/2025 16:54

He’s a little boy, not a man. I’d dump him.

GreenFields07 · 10/01/2025 17:14

Not sure of your ages but yeah a grown man using Snapchat usually means hes doing something dodgy on there. Im 34 and dont know anyone my age who still uses it. If youve got the ick, that usually doesnt go away no matter how hard you try. He would give me the ick too and id probably end things. I also dont mind porn but agree with your view that only fans just feels different. First post nailed it, put him in the bin!

aylis · 10/01/2025 17:18

Did you actually not mind the porn or did you feel like you shouldn't mind the porn? Just curious - it's all part of the same picture really and not completely irrelevant. But ultimately you feel bad about yourself, him and your relationship with him so there's only one way for that to end up.

TinyFlamingo · 10/01/2025 19:10

Nurse10 · 06/01/2025 20:48

You have a very valid point and to be honest I dont know why an only fans model has bothered me so much but it just has. I wish I could help how I feel I really do.

Do you feel this is less anonymous somehow?
Like, a celebrity bucket list will never happen, and watching porn together is very distant.
Liking in social media and the possibility of actually interacting is more intimate somehow?
Do you think this is what's given you the ick compared to normally?
Just a thought...

Lucylu1984 · 10/01/2025 19:12

Hi lovely.
I had this at the start of my relationship with my partner (now of 4 years). At first he was really defensive and said I was 'weird' for caring or looking at who he followed. We had a proper row and conversation about it. It transpired that, if I'd been doing the same with men, he'd have an issue with it...I let him know how ironic that was 😂
In the end he unfollwed them all and since then has really reduced his social media use ( we both have).
I think that you've both got to be on the same page (I.e no following dodgy accounts) or the paranoia will always be there.xx

E404 · 10/01/2025 19:31

It's so easy to come across as controlling when there's no feeling of safety that needs no convincing.
He sounds charming, Snapchat all day.. waw.

strawberrysea · 10/01/2025 19:35

I left my partner of seven years last June because I found out that he'd been purchasing onlyfans content. It's so incredibly disrespectful. It honestly makes me sick. You don't have to put up with this.

dragongrl · 10/01/2025 19:40

Um, since he's doing that, and looking at girls in bikini's, he is technically cheating.

dragongrl · 10/01/2025 19:41

Someonelookedatmypostinghistorysoichanged · 06/01/2025 20:01

Why is he your partner ? He’s grim. Put him in the bin.

Nice ryming
(I can't spell tbh)

JollyZebra · 10/01/2025 19:43

If you aren't happy with his behaviour and he lies to you then what do you get from this relationship? The answer lies with you and no-one else.

onwardsup4 · 10/01/2025 19:43

The way you feel about it is completely normal. Tell him you don't like it if he carries on you have to decide if it's a deal breaker or not. It would be for me

dragongrl · 10/01/2025 19:52

onwardsup4 · 10/01/2025 19:43

The way you feel about it is completely normal. Tell him you don't like it if he carries on you have to decide if it's a deal breaker or not. It would be for me

This is what a honest person would say.

dragongrl · 10/01/2025 19:54

You should dump him. Go see if anyone you used to like is still single.

dragongrl · 10/01/2025 19:55

I agree.

Mush62 · 10/01/2025 20:56

You're in a relationship, he shouldn't be on any site's, in my opinion he is taking the piss and shouldn't be on any kind of dating sites, you need to wake up and smell the coffee. Time to walk away I think.