Stopping asking if my ex/sons dad wants to see our boy.

[ByEdgyBiscuit]

My ex and I split up over 2 years ago, our little boy will be 3 soon
I asked him to leave our home, as he refused to get help/accept my help, to stop drinking.
He got sober after we split up and is living with his own dad.
Our son lives with me.

Its always up to me to arrange things. I'm so fed up asking him when he is working/does he want to see him. If he does, i drop our son off and pick him up, as my ex doesn't drive.

I really, really want my son to have a good relationship with his dad. Our son often cries and doesn't want me to leave when i drop him off.

This weekend, he walked to our house to collect our son. He didn't want to go with him and started crying, cuddling into me. His dad didn't make any effort to comfort him and instead just left in a huff, saying he didn't want to go with him.

I've recently tried to gently introduce my bf to my ex, which didn't go well. I feel incredibly guilty about moving on. But after this weekend, I just feel so fed up.

He makes so little effort and it feels almost forced. Like he only sees our son because that's what people expect of him.

Is it OK to stop asking when he wants to see him/leave it all up to him? I don't want my son to lose out.

Why not set up a proper, regular schedule so that you don't have to constantly ask?

Also, why are you introducing your bf to your ex?!

I've recently tried to gently introduce my bf to my ex why on earth did you do this? Why? He doesn't need to meet him? He can't even be bothered with his own son so he's not going to care about your new fella. How new is the bf? Has he met your son yet? When you're ready just introduce him to your son and email the ex to say you've done it just in case son brings him up when he meets up with him. Though tbh if he can't be arsed then you don't even need to do that. Don't hold the not driving against him though I'd he couldn't drive when you met him. If it's coz he's been banned then do hold it against him. Frankly he sounds like a waste of time space and energy. Unfortunately he's your kids dad so if your son wants to see him I'd try to facilitate but if not nah who is he?!!!

He won't agree to any kind of schedule. Always chops and changes. I've tried getting him to download a shared calendar but he won't use it.

I only tried to introduce my bf to him, when I was collecting my son and he was with me. Things are going really well and we are going to move in together soon. I would want to know if my ex had a partner who was going to be spending a lot of time with our son/potentially living with him.

I just feel at a loss of what to do

Refuse to chop and change. Ask him to come up with a day a fortnight or week or you will choose one. Then if he doesn't then choose one. Do this in writing.

I'd leave the ball in his court, it doesn't sound like your little one is currently getting much out of this situation and an unwilling father can't be very pleasant to spend time with.

How long have you been seeing the new bf?

Is there anyone in your ex’s family who is reliable? His father or mother? A sibling? Someone that would facilitate contact? I know it shouldn’t all be down to you sorting things out but it seems like it is and it’s in your DS’ best long term interests to have some form of regular contact with that side of his family (obviously that’s only if there are no safeguarding concerns.)

It’s not your responsibility to facilitate/organise and physically manage his contact with his own son. Leave it and see if he steps up and starts to prioritise his own relationship with his son. If he doesn’t, he’s a deadbeat anyway so what can you do!