To be so awfully jealous of pregnant SIL

[YourPunnyCat]

I know IABU but I want to know why I feel like this!!

SIL is pregnant, first baby in the family, due any day. And I am so so so horrifically jealous and I hate myself for it. She’s lovely, everyone is so excited and I am too but I can’t help but feel this ugly ugly jealousy.

For context I have PCOS, similar age to SIL (mid20s). She conceived by accident and found out relatively late. I am by no means trying for a baby, not financially able to and DP not ready. I’m just so scared it might not happen for me one day, I’ve never ovulated and was put on contraceptive pill for cysts and told to come back for fertility check when I’m ready for a baby.

I think the fertility worries might have something to do with it but it’s getting to the point now where I’m angry at DP for wanting to be there for his sister, angry whenever she brings up anything about baby. I hate it and wish I wasn’t like this.

Is this normal?!!!! Help me not feel like this 😭

I think you need to see a new doc!

I just want to clarify, you have bleeding after sex and between periods, and you’ve lost 10kg without trying? I really don’t want to worry you but those are both red flag symptoms that require further assessment. If that is the case please make a GP appointment with a different GP asap x

Yes I second this

@YourPunnyCat your feelings are completly valid,. they don't need to be rational to be valid.

But moreover, I have joined the thread to say that I am a molecular biologist and a midwife, and wanted to join my voice to other women's to say... It's bloody disgusting the lack of care women with gynaecological problems are receiving! A man with equivalent issues would be sent to the specialist after the first appointment.

Please don't shut up and go and demand better care. And yes, I agree that putting you on the pill as if it magically sorted out your possible future fertility issues, with no plan to address those specifically, is basically medical neglect.

I also have PCOS, and was also put on the pill when I was in my teens to 'give me a period' (I never really had one otherwise).
I always knew I wanted to have children one day, but was in no rush for it to actually happen, as was very career driven. So I delayed, but not too much as I knew it might take me awhile to conceive, and I wanted to have time to activate any backup plans (eg IVF) I might need.
Anyway, in my early 30s I got myself referred to NHS fertility unit, was given Clomid to make me ovulate, and got pregnant first time. Had my first child at 34, second at 36, and third at 38, all with Clomid, and all within couple of months of trying (although they did have to up the dose each time).
And now ironically, in my late 40s, I am having my periods naturally for the first time in my life, it's a surprise each time! :)
So, having PCOS is absolutely not, in all cases, a barrier to having children. Don't worry unduly over nothing, it will likely not be a barrier in the slightest - I forget I have it.
Mid 20s is very young in my view to be having a baby, you really have plenty of time, enjoy life first!

I would ask myself, though, OP, if what you are jealous of the attention she is having from the rest of the family, and the fact conversations and life for the grandparents etc will now very much centre around her / the child when it arrives. So not jealous of the fact she is pregnant but jealous that perhaps you are no longer the centre of attention that perhaps you were?

Honestly the worst thing you can do for PCOS is use hormonal contraception - you can store up the problem and make tit much worse. See The New Hormone Solution Paperback – 9 May 2017 by Dr. Erika Schwartz MD

I would get off the pill, sort out diet (yes PCOS is highly responsive to diet - something simple like The Human Being diet, so lean protein and tonnes of veg) and then hormonally you'll level out.

As a veteran of an abortion at c26 having been told by a doctor I was extremely unlikely to ever get pregnant because of PCOS don't believe it can't happen!

In the meantime, you're owning your jealousy and it also comes with a side of love, respect and excitement so don't be worried.

btw the contraception pill bleed is a false period - nothing beneficial to it

I’m the same, about to start third round of IVF and the suspicion someone is pregnant followed by the announcement and the pregnancy itself is like being stabbed through the heart. As soon as the baby arrives though I’m ready for a cosy!

Absolutely do not feel bad for your feelings, you’re obviously working hard to hide them to those who would be upset and dealing with it as best you can. In the meantime you’ve had such fantastic responses on your fertility and PCOS, I have nothing more useful to add but 100% go nuclear on getting proper help with your health, it’s unacceptable they’ve barely done anything so far. Definitely try and make changes now if you can before waiting before you’re ready to conceive. It also might help you feel more in control and proactive generally and maybe that will lessen the jealously. But please don’t blame yourself for these feelings

I really don’t think you can say “it will definitely be soon.” On the strength if these plans. People who put lots of roadblocks in the way of marrying and having children simply don’t want to take those steps with you. Don’t stay with someone and make plans as though the relationship is forever if they are treating it as a maybe later situation.

Could you start the fertility check sooner than 3-4 years? That's way you can have reassurance you're able to conceive and this may make the wait less agonising, and if you do need to pursue fertility treatments, at least you'll know and can prepare/factor this into your future. Just a thought. Wish you all the best.

Not necessarily true- women having less than 4 periods per year are at risk of endometrial hyperplasia- left untreated in the medium-longer-term this is a risk factor for endometrial cancer. So, if tricycling the cocp, it can have a beneficial effect for some women (some women use short course of progesterone every 3 months which causes a withdrawal bleed to achieve the same thing).