Should I tell my son his grandpa is dying?

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My DDad is terminally ill and recently we were given the sad news that he has less than 6 months left. My Ds7 is very close to my Dd and very much sees him as a father figure. He's aware that his grandpa is ill but I've not told him much more than that, he's a very sensitive little boy and a worrier. I think he may have picked up on some of what's going on as he's been extra anxious recently and started getting upset about me dying (I'm perfectly healthy). I'm trying to decide whether it's best to tell him more of what's going on and start to prepare him for losing his grandpa, or whether keeping him in the dark would be better? Other than being a bit forgetful and tired, there aren't any obvious signs that my Dd is seriously ill, at least nothing that a child would pick up on. However we've been warned that he could deteriorate rapidly when he does. Has anyone had any experience of this with a child of a similar age?

I agree. My dad has recently been diagnosed with lung cancer and it’s likely terminal.

i won’t be saying anything until the point where I have to and then I’ll be completely honest. My children are 10 and 7.

Yes, my son's father died when he had just turned 8.
Tell them the truth, always be honest when they ask questions (they will, they're curious)
I had to tell my son his dad was dying as he had cancer and I just sat him down with his dad and we did it together.
He's 12 now, still asks a lot of questions but I know he's greatful that I was open and honest with him.
I'm sorry you're going through this x

I lost my dad 5 months ago and I have three children 8, 4 and 7 months. Unfortunately it happened quite suddenly and he didn’t live locally so the children didn’t know until after he had gone. They knew he was very poorly. I would definitely be honest to a point, quite often children know exactly what’s going on without actually being told and it’s more distressing for them to not talk about it. I find that my 8 year old tends to bottle things up and then explodes when something else isn’t going well, then his feelings appear. I’m so sorry you are going through this, it’s the worst 💔

I think you handled it beautifully.
I think this is a really good way OP, very gentle but honest.

Thanks to everyone who's responded, and sorry to anyone who has gone or is going through this. It's devastating watching someone deteriorate, he's only in his sixties. I've spoken to my dp and we've decided to speak to ds. I don't want to rush it through, I want to take time to think about how best to approach it. I'll check out the suggested resources beforehand, thank you to those who pointed me in the right direction. I don't think I'll mention 6 months to him though, as someone said that kind of time frame is hard for a young child to comprehend. Knowing ds, he'll be continually asking if it's been 6 months yet and agonising over it. I wasn't aware school might offer support so I will speak to them too, thank you to those who suggested that.

It's very difficult but I do feel you must prepare him. My MIL died suddenly and we didn't prepare our (also 7 at the time) DS and it's my biggest regret. She wasn't expected to pass, though she was in hospital and he knew she'd been a bit poorly but we hadn't gone into any detail and when he woke the next morning we had to tell him and it was awful 😞

some good advice on here OP I work in a hospice and have supported my own child through a gp death from cancer. Age appropriate honesty is vital kids imaginations can conjure up more distressing things than the truth! Death is part of life snd it’s so important to talk about it.

Avoid euphemisms especially to do with falling sleep as they can do real harm to children. Child bereavement uk is good as are a lot of the other places people have suggested. Lots of helpful story books too if you dc still into them. Badgers parting gifts, invisible string, rabbitiness. If you want links or more suggestions pm me.

sending lots of supportive wishes your way it’s hard but far easier now thsn later gentle honesty now will help you both in the long run 🩷

I found books were helpful

can’t totally recommend my personal favourite if your child is a sensitive seven

but there are lots out there that will be appropriate age levels and the act of reading together in a quiet moment can be a healing and comforting thing

just be sure to read the books yourself first, both to check appropriateness and to also get the first wave of tears over with

have hankies for in preparation (& a glass of water) when with your DC it’s really good to show it’s ok to feel sad and cry and yet also carry on and have fun too

multitudes of children’s films deal with emotional turmoil, loss and death and moving on with help from family and friends - probably your child has seen many of them already but not been focused on the loss parts so much

revisiting them as a starting point might be useful with the coming changes

and then using books to help talk about feelings as the journey progresses

as PP mentioned, you will also be feeling emotional and have a lot of practical demands - quiet bedtime reading unites spending quality time together and processing of feelings for both of you and will help combat feelings of isolation or anxieties about losing you too

you are all experiencing this as a family, helping each other through it as a family is important

💐

There are many exceptional books helping children cope with bereavement. Some for you to read and some for the child. My GCs were 4 and 7 when the maternal GM died. My DiL and my son handled it really well. Especially during her long illness. The GPs were marvellous and brave. They were able to talk to the older one about death.

You know your children best as to how much information to share. Certainly the books are a great help.

Yes, having been through this sort of thing with young dds, 8 and 11 at the time, absolutely this.

My DGM died when I was 6 and I was told very little, didn't go to the funeral, etc., which was normal years ago, I'm late 50s now. I was very confused and upset by the whole thing and still remember it clearly. I fully agree with PPs that it's better to be open though think I would go about this step by step and gradually tell your DS.

I am Irish and particularly in rural areas, we have a closer relationship with death and grieving. My daughter is 7. My uncle is terminal and my daughter knows him well. She asked me if he is going to die and I told her that he is very very ill and unlikely to recover. I believe that this helps to prepare her. I believe that lots of short conversations are better than the very sad but inevitable that his Granddad has already died. I am so sorry that your father is so ill. Gentle hugs at this heartbreaking time, you are dealing with losing your father but also of trying to prepare your son
Speaking if death should not be taboo but a natural ( but heartbreaking ) part of the cycle of life. Grief is the cost we pay for great loves in our life.

It’s important to ask your dad too what sort of information he’s comfortable with your DS having. So often we forget to consider the person who is going through it. Obviously you’ll be the ones left behind but it’s your dad’s diagnosis so his wishes should factor in.

Sorry you’re facing this, it’s so hard.

I'm sorry to hear about your dad. Honesty is the best policy, kids will fill in the gaps if you leave them and while you've said that there are no signs that a child could pick up on, you also think he may have picked up that something is going on.

They're little sponges, especially if he's a sensitve soul, death is a biggy around that age and I'd definitely be talking as much as possible with him about it so he's not making up his own version of what's going on. We have a really unhelpful culture around death considering it's the one certain thing in this life. I wish you all the support you need in this period.

So hide the truth from a child, who will already be aware of what is happening, and then just spring it on them. Wrong on every level
Death, as is birth, is natural and should be talked about. No one lives forever. No one, so discuss it