Cats don't get on, albu to consider rehoming one

[Prettyhandsomeawkward]

Had a female cat for a few weeks then introduced a male from a rescue, both older and moggies, both neutered.

Sadly after 5 weeks female cat will tolerate him in the room, but that's it. She has outdoor access but doesn't like going out when it's too cold, he has started going out but prefers staying next to me and doesn't wander off.

There's only been one scrap luckily and no injuries. She is definitely territorial, and he wants to be friends I think.

He's just gotten too near to her so she smacked him. I am constantly on high alert and feel uneasy when they're getting too close to each other, try to keep them apart where possible but my flat just isn't that big.

The female has become more aloof, she used to run to the door when I got home and liked coming in my bedroom, she avoids the bedroom now though. She's back on her food which is good, but I have to shut them in separate rooms as he is very greedy and will try to eat her food.

He is happy being around her, but she isn't him. I try to stay home as much as I can and I've just ordered a webcam so I can see what they're doing. But I constantly feel stressed over the situation, and like I made a mistake.

Both deserve a loving home and to feel relaxed and happy. I wondered if she'd feel less threatened with a kitten, but my friend has an older female cat, introduced a kitten and it's just the same situation, cat doesn't like the kitten.

So I'm not sure what to do. I feel like it's not fair on either of them and I'm always nervous coming home as I never know what I'm going to walk into. Both given plenty of food, attention and love, but I think if there's still hissing and swatting even after 5 weeks then they're not going to live peacefully together.

Every time I go out for work etc. I worry about what's happening. I know it was a gamble, and some people have unrelated cats who get on really well.
He's curious and wants to be friends so will try and sniff her or just sit next to her.

I don't really know about cats but would recommend that you talk to the rehoming centre that you got the male cat from. Reputable ones should be able to give you advice but if they think the situation won't be solvable, you normally have to return the animal to the same rescue.

Pet Remedy and Feliway Optimum Plugins are great. One in each room.

Also Feliway Cystease sprinkled onto their food daily will calm them and also prevent either getting cystitis from the stress.

Buy two new cat trees, they need their own territory they can claim that is new to the house.

Lastly, in my experience it can take up to a year for cats to fully settle with each other.

Unless they are actively trying to cause each other harm (vs a bop when one gets too close) then you are absolutely fine (you will know if they want to injure each other).

Make sure you have 3 litter trays if you use them. The rule is one each plus an extra.
I would also feed them seperately so they don't have that stress.

My newest cat is currently sleeping with my other cat beside me on the bed, they are spooning.

It has taken us over a year to get to this point, they were fighting and hissing for months despite me doing everything correctly.

They do adjust usually (in some cases they don't) but typically it just takes time.

The products I mentioned can all be found on Amazon.

Oh and also I firmly believe diet plays a role in temperament. Taking mine off of dry food and going high meat content, grain free and 100% wet diet has been a game changer.
They are all in amazing condition, the vet commented on it. They are also calmer. I noticed a big decrease with my youngest about 24hrs off of food with grain.

I travelled recently and needed to give him some with grain and they had their first fight in weeks. Maybe a coincidence but I don't think so.
Zooplus is amazing for food. I recommend the brands Wild Freedom, Macs and Feringa.

Mine have been together 18 months and still hiss and swat! It's because my existing cat was under socialised and had never met another cat so reads new cat's attempts to play as a threat.

New cat is very calm and patient and not at all bothered by old cat hissing. He backs off, respects his space and tries again later. It's now progressed so that 90% of the time it's a successful playful interaction and old cat has learnt to play and is more active than ever.

Also when there are visitors etc they are thick as thieves and you can watch them plotting together to check things out, which is adorable!

At 5 weeks I was still super nervy about mine, I felt awful for ruining old cat's peace but adored new cat too! It took about 3 months for us all to relax and for them to work things out and DH was very insistent on giving it time.

We are absolutely militant about them not having to share resources however- they have separate dishes, water fountains, litter trays, two of each toy, two of each bed to reduce any chance of competition! Introductions were slow and supervised. I think it was 6-7 weeks before I went out and didn't shut new cat in a separate room.

Now 18 months on their relationship is still developing and improving- they are often found on opposite ends of the same sofa or either side of our bed. Old cat is much fitter and more active, new cat definitely finds reassurance in having another cat about.

My 2 cats were sisters but were never close - in fact I knew it was time to PTS for one when her sister came and sniffed at her and she didn't smack her one!
Its still very early days and both cats will most likely settle down in a few months, you need to give it more time

Oh yes and we could buy shares in Feliway- Friends plug ins both up and down stairs.

We know when one has run out because someone get smacked on the nose!

I've had sibling cats that hated each other.
They cope ok.
I wouldn't worry unduly

Why do you keep namechanging and posting the same thing?

Talk to the rescue. It's early days really. If you made a commitment to them I think you need to give it more time.

5 weeks is still early if they are adjusting to each other AND a new home.

Did either cat have other cats living with them where they were before? If they were both used to being the only cat then it might be harder. Would be worth speaking to the rescue centre to see if they have any advice specific to the cats you have adopted.

Thank you, I've just ordered a pet remedy spray, already have a feliway plug in but not sure if it's doing much.
Female cat has previously lived with a male cat before coming to me, male cat has only lived with dogs.

It can take months-years for cats to settle with each other. You are unreasonable for adopting a second cat and expecting it all to be fine within a few weeks.

They will absolutely need more time and you will only unsettle them more sending them back to the shelter or off to another home. This is something you should have thought about, researched and prepared for before taking on a second cat.

As it stands it’s 100% your responsibility to make them both feel comfortable and safe. Give them time and they will learn to be fine within each other. Feliway. Multiple litter boxes, multiple safe hiding spaces, beds etc, separate food, water, and above all make sure to play with them both and give them both attention.

Also, feed them treats together. This is an excellent bonding experience as they associate being close with each other to the treat. Get the dreamies lickies things, no cat can resist. My two end up licking each others tongues just to get their share and they aren’t exactly best friends.

5 weeks may seem long to you, but it won't to them, necessarily. I think after 3 months is a more usual time to worry about continued hostilities.

5 weeks is nothing!
Very early days.

Three litter trays are important though - sharing really isn’t acceptable to cats.

@CatsndtheBear has some good suggestions.

We had our female on her own for 6 months before getting our male. They've lived together for 18 months, they fight-sometimes it's play fighting others it's very clear the female is not playing however they will happily snuggle up for a nap together.
You need to give them way more time.

Thanks everyone. I will try to give it more time, I did research but each cat is different and it's always a gamble.

Also big yes to feeding high value treats to them both together! Mine are suckers for cooked chicken and it creates a positive association with each other.

Also, it's a lot of work introducing 2, especially when existing cat has not been settled long!

Did you do controlled introductions? We set up new cat in spare bedroom with a screen and let them meet lots with a screen in between before progressing to peeps and nose sniffs through the door, eating with the door open, etc. All supervised to start with- I think it wasn't until 4/5 weeks they were both allowed the run of the house together when we were home, with new cat being shut in room if we went out (we stayed home a lot!)

They’ll learn to tolerate each of they don’t become friendly.

I have tried to feed them treats together but male cat always tries to eat female cat's food as he's very greedy, so I'm not sure what to do.

High value treats, so not in a bowl. Something from your hand where you can go back and forth and give them bits each beside each other

It could take much longer than this for the cats to settle. Sounds as if the male is already doing his best.
I'd give the female cat one on one time with you every day with the male in another room. Also put them in separate rooms when you go out if possible so you aren't worrying.
I introduced two youngish cats into an older, one-cat household and it took about a year for them to settle down completely, but they were happy after that.

I've tried putting the male in my bedroom and bathroom when I go out, but he pulled the carpet up and took a load of paint off the door.
The male is doing really well to be fair, he never hisses at her. The female is outside atm and I'm wondering if letting her out as much as possible will help.

Every time she looks at him, her pupils dilate, would that suggest she's scared?