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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Feel like my partner hates me during pregnancy

6 replies

Justacupoftea · 06/01/2025 09:49

Looking for some unbiased views here please!

I’m in a subsequent pregnancy and getting emotional a lot, partly due to feeling like my partner is annoyed with me the whole time.

just my side of the story but we had a stressful Christmas with a toddler being poorly, my parents are older (one just diagnosed week before Xmas with cancer) so the day felt different and when I tried to help them prepare the meal, my partner would complain I wasn’t helping with our toddler but then also snapped at me later for being so hungry (I didn’t answer my phone when he tried to call my to ask for some food to be taken to him while he walked with our sleeping toddler outside).

we then went to spend NY with his family and it was hard. I won’t go into the details but needless to say, he struggled emotionally so I was trying to support him and give lots of encouraging affirmations and pep talks in private. We made it through and tbh he wasn’t ever that annoyed with me during that trip, more so his own family.

now we’re back he asked me to chase up a class we are trying to book for our toddler to start attending. They’ve not been that responsive to say the least, so he asked me to take over chasing them. I stupidly resubmitted the registration form not realising he had done that and when I told him I had contacted them with it, he shouted at me saying why did I do that, and get involved, not just chase up on his email thread. I said I didn’t think it was as big a deal as he was making out but he shut down and just said he’s leaving it all to me now.

Im in my third trimester so I keep getting emotional when these outbursts happen because he was never like this before and I begin to question if I’m happy or not.

so looking for some thoughts on whether this is maybe just normal and I’m over reacting because of being pregnant!! 😅 I’m sure these things are probably trivial!

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 06/01/2025 09:54

Was he like this in your first pregnancy?

Jaapssthia · 06/01/2025 09:56

He is being an arse. Shouting at you is not on, quite honestly. You are not over reacting, you are getting understandably upset.

First of all, try talking to him in a calm way. Tell him what you’ve told us. Point out that you feel upset when he’s shouting at you and that his behaviour is completely unacceptable.

Give him a chance to mend his ways but don’t take any more shit from him. You deserve better. 💐

Justacupoftea · 06/01/2025 09:57

@Shoxfordian No, not at all. But to give credit, he is doing a very large share of looking after our toddler to help me so I know he is stressed a lot of the time.

He’s also a real stickler for not having too much TV time so it’s full on, whereas I don’t mind it as much to get by on harder days.

OP posts:
ZipCode · 06/01/2025 10:00

It sounds like average marital problems and miscommunication with pressure and stress. If he has a hard line on tv and you then push on that on days you know everyone is stressed its like pouring deisel on a fire. You need to be on the same page of patenting rules and communicate calmly and respecfully.

Biffbaff · 06/01/2025 10:13

Why do you see it as "helping you" with the toddler and not parenting his own child? He's going to have a hell of a lot more toddler time with a new baby about to arrive. And what was stopping him coming to get some food for himself if he was hungry. Is everything your job?

Even his own emotional regulation is on you. Why did you have to give him pep talks at new year?

Is he always this selfish and childish? And shouting at you is nasty. When he does that, end the discussion with "please don't shout at me."

MissDoubleU · 06/01/2025 11:17

Biffbaff · 06/01/2025 10:13

Why do you see it as "helping you" with the toddler and not parenting his own child? He's going to have a hell of a lot more toddler time with a new baby about to arrive. And what was stopping him coming to get some food for himself if he was hungry. Is everything your job?

Even his own emotional regulation is on you. Why did you have to give him pep talks at new year?

Is he always this selfish and childish? And shouting at you is nasty. When he does that, end the discussion with "please don't shout at me."

Seconded

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