To be anxious about approaching my GP? (mental health)

[spukalili]

I'm in my mid-thirties, with two young children. Have a decent career, friends, few hobbies but mostly because I don't have time and can't find the drive to start anything (I run, but that's about it).

I realised a number of years ago that I rarely look forward to anything and always have a low level of anxiety. I wouldn't say I feel sad, I just feel numb or hyper anxious. If we plan anything with the children, I feel like I can't enjoy the event and am just waiting to get home, which I then feel awful about. I can't even sit and relax because it's like my brain doesn't let me.

I have absolutely no memory, which makes me anxious, as I worry I'm going to forget important details about my children's lives, life experiences, etc.

My dad passed away very quickly in October 2020, while I was pregnant with my first child, and since then I've suffered with severe health anxiety. There isn't a day goes by when I don't think about death, my death, something happening to my mum, husband, children, etc. Every twinge and I assume it's something terrible. I've tried breathing exercises, mindfulness, I exercise regularly, but it doesn't help. I go down a real rabbit hole about dying/getting older.

Had a few, what might be called "traumatic" experiences as a teenager but ultimately, none of this stayed with me and I feel at peace with those events, so I don't think this is a cause.

I've sat on this for years, assuming it was normal, but I can't shake the feeling that it isn't, and by ignoring it then I'm just wasting my life by kind of...half feeling everything? If this is some kind of chemical imbalance then no amount of mindfulness is going to improve it.

However, I'm incredibly anxious about approaching my GP about it. I don't even know how I'm going to word this without having a low dosage SSRI prescribed (I am open to medication) and told to be on my way? I've tried counselling, had a fabulous woman who I felt comfortable with, but it made zero difference.

Sorry, this is all a bit of a ramble - it's the first place I've felt able to open up about it. Is it reasonable to speak to my GP about this, or is this just normal middle age, slightly perpetually sleep deprived, life?

You don't need to speak to your GP.

Google your city/town and 'IAPT' and you'll find your local Talking Therapies service (possibly under a different name). You can self refer and will be booked in for an assessment. If appropriate, they will offer treatment for GAD, health anxiety, depression, etc. depending on what you share in the assessment. Most services start with up to six sessions and then if you need more treatment you wait and then are given up to twenty.

It isn't counselling, counselling isn't indicated for treating anxiety. It's CBT, or CBT-based interventions. There is a lot of decent self help stuff online too, if you google CCI anxiety you'll find self help workbooks that are based on the same treatment you'll have with a therapist.

By all means go to the GP too, but they will likely just discuss medication then advise you self refer to the above service anyway. One less barrier to worry about. Good luck.

you would be surprised just how many women feel just like you. Please do go and get some support.

“I have absolutely no memory, which makes me anxious, as I worry I'm going to forget important details about my children's lives, life experiences, etc.”

Do you struggle to concentrate? Have you looked at the female presentation for ADHD? That’s a pretty common sign of it. You might not be, but a lot of us who’ve gone undiagnosed have suffered with a lot of anxiety and not feeling right for most of our lives.

Honestly, it sounds sensible to at least discuss this with your GP. Depression can feel like a flatness and an absence of feelings as much as sadness. Anxiety can be a constant gnawing background feeling.

You've tried putting the puzzle pieces together with therapy and looking after yourself so discussing medication options is a wise decision.

It can be a journey to find the medication that suits you, but there's likely something that can make you feel a bit more peaceful with life

Medication might help to settle the intensity of your symptoms and yes, self-refer to IAPT. Some of your ideas are definitely anxiety-driven, like your comment about having no memory. Clearly, this isn't the case as you wrote a whole post outlining your previous experiences. CBT-based intervention will give you tools to question your thoughts positively.
The most important thing to remember that people can guide you and support you with counselling, therapy or medication but nobody can take responsibility for "fixing you". Only you. Therapy is an active process and you need to be prepared to practice techniques. I am currently in grief counselling and I have to do a lot of work every day applying the strategies rather than rely on counselling to solve everything just by the virtue of me having space to rant once a week. So it won't be an easy or a quick fix but, with determination, therapy and medication can be very helpful.

Thank you - that's reassuring to hear.

As for lack of concentration, I'm not sure, really. My husband comments about how I tidy all the time - it's extremely disorganised (but gets the job done!). I tend to flit between tasks a lot, but it makes perfect sense to me. ADHD has crossed my mind and my niece has just had an assessment for it, but I suppose I'm a bit reluctant to get any kind of label? I understand the assessment takes a long time too, as there are so many people waiting. Might be worth looking into though.

It's more the emotional flatness that really bothers me.

Pretty disorganised, constantly flitting between tasks, and having to tidy all the time pretty much describes me.

The reason I ask is not because you need a label, but sometimes understanding our brains can work differently can really help us understand ourselves.

The emotional flatness sounds like low level depression. Would you want to try medication? My best suggestion is to get some therapy sessions and really unpack where it’s coming from. Antidepressants Have their place, but they shouldn’t be used as a plaster to avoid working out why we feel the way we do.

I reckon you could be on to something here.

Do you have any problems with your sleep, OP? For example, racing thoughts keeping you awake?

So most of the time I sleep like a baby, to be fair. Occasionally, around once a month, I really struggle with racing thoughts which keep me awake but it's often because of something happening in my life (last night, it was the idea of returning to work, which then moved onto something happening to my mum, etc). I've never really struggled with sleep.

That's a good point about understanding how our brains work - I suppose there isn't a one size fits all approach when it comes to mental health.

I would absolutely consider medication but I think I need to manage my expectations about the impact it might have. I know it can take a while for your brain to become accustomed to medication, and it can often cause things to get worse before they improve, so I'm a bit worried about that.

I have tried therapy, counselling and coping methods such as mindfulness but none of that seemed to help. Counselling did give me the chance to discuss how I was feeling but the moment I left the room, I just felt the same, if not more anxious as everything felt resurfaced.

Ah, that's fortunate!

Is it usually situational when you're getting anxious or flat? Or would this be all the time, regardless of how nice things are?

Sorry, if I sound nosy. I'm no expert in these matters!

Oh, not at all! Thank you for responding 😊

It's pretty much all the time. Sometimes I feel like if I have something to focus on or plan, that numbness can improve, but then I tend to get anxious about all the planning? There's no real rhyme or reason, I just seem to have forgotten how to experience/enjoy things in a normal way?

I feel very ungrateful, which then feeds into my anxiety.

I could have written this almost word for word.

Personally I’ve chosen not to go down the medication route. At the moment I’m in the acceptance mindframe, knowing I’ll feel better in time (I always feel more myself when on my own!).

Talking therapies is a good idea. All the best!

Hi OP. It sounds like this is really affecting your life at the moment, and posting on here is a great start to making a change, so well done. You really don't have to live like this any more so please try to do two things today that will take you a step further. Firstly book an appointment to see your GP to discuss medication, there are medication options that can help with anxiety and depression. Just tell the doc what you have told us here and see what they say. You don't have to commit to anything, for now just book the appointment, have that discussion and see what your options are. Secondly, google your local NHS IAPT service. It might be called something else in your area eg Local Wellbeing Service etc. If you cannot find this, your GP practice or NHS 111 should be able to point you in the right direction. You can self refer to IAPT usually by filling in a form online. I did this myself in my area last year and I was able to start an online group anxiety course quite quickly, which was really useful. There is nothing to be ashamed of in admitting you might need help, and the more you open up about this you realise that lots of people have similar issues.

That's because counselling isn't an evidence-based treatment for anxiety disorders. Cognitive-Behavioural Psychotherapy is. You wouldn't feel any better from counselling. NICE guidance has more info.

can you email your post to your doctor prior to the appointment
i went in HRT to stave off my anxiety

please keep reaching out for help
there is no reason to live like this

Just another thing to mention, sometimes medication is needed initially to get you to a place where other therapies (eg CBT, talking therapies) can be more effective, which is why it is worth considering in tandem with other things. Plus I notice that you describe feeling numb, rather than necessarily sad. But it is important to recognise that everyone experiences depression, grief, stress, (all of which may be issues here) in different ways. Feeling numbness or an inability to feel things is a fairly common symptom of depression, stress, burnout or reaction to bereavement. Just something to think about.

Thank you - and to everybody else who recommended this service. I've completed the self referral form online and will contact my GP to see if they recommend anything else.

I'm sure you're not ungrateful. It does sound like depression and anxiety going on, especially this - I just seem to have forgotten how to experience/enjoy things in a normal way

In my experience, antidepressants can relieve that feeling. They're not a cure but they do make things feel less catastrophic overall. It might be worth a read up on the different types of antidepressant, if you haven't already.

But right now, try not to get down on yourself for being down. That's one of the classic depression cycles - you try and bully yourself better, it makes you feel worse, so you bully yourself even more. That negative self talk is the depression talking. Try not to listen to it - you must be your own best friend

I agree with this. Try to be kinder to yourself. You are functioning, you are exercising, looking after your kids etc, and that is all really, really positive. So try not to ruminate on why you aren't enjoying things at the moment. Things won't change overnight, so in the meantime just try and give yourself credit for carrying on, and for recognising you might need help and doing something about it. If you find yourself ruminating on the negatives try to have some tools at the ready to distract yourself from the anxiety and take your mind off it, eg play some music or read a book that used to make you happy. Things will get better and today you have taken the difficult first steps. That is good enough for now. One step at a time.

This is so lovely of you to say - thank you so much.

And thank you to everybody who has taken the time to reply. It was really hard for me to write the post originally - I think I've tried to ignore this for a long time and it all just came to a head this Christmas when I was just unable to enjoy it (Christmas is normally my most favourite time of year).

I have completed a self referral (I had no idea the service existed) and will work towards seeing my GP. In the meantime, I will try and be kinder to myself.