School mum is a cf

[Differentstarts]

My dd is 7 and her best friend is often at our house which i don't mind as she's a lovely kid and they play really nicely together and she actually keeps my daughter amused which obviously makes my life easier the problem is her mum, she never picks her up when she says she is going to, sometimes she's over an hour late. I don't want to stop her coming round but I don't know what else to do as it kind of screws up our evening routine or any plans we have. Iv said stuff to her about it and I will msg her and ring her when she's really late but there is always an excuse. My dd also goes round to her house and I always fetch her when I say I'm going to would I be unreasonable to start doing the same to her.
Yanbu: be really late a few times see how she likes it
Yabu: That's really petty and unfair on your daughter

The reason is she can dump her child on yo7 and not worry about her for as long as she likes.

You've done that annoying extra but of text on the vote which I don't agree with.

YANBU about the late collection. Just tell her she has to pick up on time otherwise you'll be reducing the frequency of play dates. Then follow through. Tell your dd you can't have a play date as often as it always goes on too late. I'd also be calling the mum out on it and saying thus is too late.

When she does not pick up on time, are you not texting "where are you"?!

I voted YABU but only because you should not pick your dd up late.

OP our DC has a friend like this who the parents have asked us to collect from school or take to clubs on a few occasions. They don't have play dates apart from this but their child has been playing out ours lots of times after we've picked him up. This started to bother us when they were really late collecting on a few occasions. We pick up from after school club by 5:30 and so they would usually pick up by about 6 but on this occasion it was 7 pm without warning. We were trying to sort dinner and it was time to put DC to bed but we couldn't as the friend was there.

Another time they were supposed to meet us somewhere to collect the kids and we're about half an hour late but we were waiting outside in the cold as there wasn't anywhere to wait and again no warning or apology.

There have been other things that I won't mention because they're outing. I really like the parents and the children (albeit they are a handful) but I think they are a bit demanding. Meanwhile we haven't done anything for them and if I were them I would have got them a bottle at Christmas to say thank you (not that we want anything but I really think they don't appreciate it).

I don't know what the answer is except that next time they ask us to pick up I may be asking what time they plan to pick up so that it's not an hour and a half later or just be more specific about timings otherwise I'll be saying no. It is hard as our DHs are friendly.

I agree with the suggestion of just setting pick up time an hour earlier than you actually need it, or try dropping back yourself (but it's possible they won't be there and would keep you waiting). I wouldn't ask them to drop your DD back in return, this has potential for just switching the problem so you are left wondering and waiting for your DD to be returned back late. I wouldn't want to do anything which puts you and your DD in a more uncomfortable situation. Definitely don't do late returns in spite, for a perpetually late parent, this will just justify their own lateness.

I think if she’s already lying then she will continue to pick the kid up whenever suits her anyway. I don’t think she will change. I think you need to spell it out.
“Look, I need you to collect her by X time as it affects dinner time, etc for the 4 year old. I don’t want to stop play dates because the girls have such a lovely time, but if you can’t come on time, then that’s what’s going to have to happen.”

Are you sure someone would be in if you drop the child off there?

No need to break it, but encourage others.
The alternative is suck this up.
She won't change, she sees you as a mug.

I often drop the visiting child home, particularly if there are younger siblings (or older siblings doing a lot of clubs), the parent doesn't drive or works shift of there's some other complicating factor. Normally, if my DC have had a child for a play date, they have been out of my way more than they would do usually so I have "gained" time so don't mind giving the child a lift home.
I know people on here are quick to describe others as CF but I prefer to take the opposite approach and think that everyone probably struggles with the juggling which comes with being a parent and give someone a hand if I can. This wasn't my intention but it's worked out well for me in the long run - I currently have someone bringing DS home from a club each week who is the neighbour of someone I have a lift to for a couple of years. I don't otherwise know her but her neighbour mentioned my DS couldn't do the club this year as the times had changed and I couldn't get him home so she offered, all because I used to drop off her neighbour's DC from another activity.

Yes I txt her and ring her but she either doesn't answer or has an excuse

Probably not

I don't think that doing the same back to her is a helpful solution.

It just needs a very direct, adult conversation with the other parent.

You need to explain clearly that if it continues, you won't be able to keep having the child round to your house.

I think your right as she clearly knows what she's doing and nothing annoys me more then being lied to so it's better to have the conversation planned out before I lose my shit with her

Tell her under no uncertain terms that she needs to be on time. If she's not, no more play dates. Simple.