Sister relationship

[ThisRedLemur]

My sister and I haven’t lived in the same country for 35 years. I’ve always tried to be there for her as she’s had a rough marriage and health problems. She has visited me twice in those years and I have gone to visit her 7 or 8 times. Even though I’m the one who had young children and was a SAHM. She never had kids and had a two income situation. She leans on me a lot for emotional support to the point my own mental health has deteriorated as I feel if I don’t constantly WhatsApp or email, she will deteriorate further. It affects my family life too. Not an evening goes by without some message about her health. I feel I’m being used and a few people I’ve mentioned the situation to feel am actually enabling her. I really want to step back.

100% dont feel guilty for messaging when it is best for you. You have kids and a family to look after plus it is affecting your then you have every right to step back.
Personally I speak to my siblings once every 10-14 days and that many just be a text or audio messages. We meet up in person 3 times a year.
We all have young families and busy lives.

Do you work in a medical capacity?

I'd start saying something like "I'm sorry you're experiencing xyz medical health issue but talk to a Dr because I'm not a Dr" (unless you are actually a Dr in that case you have sympathy!)

Can you just read them and respond once or twice a week.

Give her contact information for a support group in her area?

I'd love to have siblings to talk to and confide in. Maybe tell her she should be speaking to a doctor or getting counselling as you can only offer so much

So step back.

The only person stopping you from doing so is yourself and your sense of guilt about it.

You say you want to step back, so step back.
While you keep responding, she’ll keep messaging.
Maybe schedule a once a week/fortnightly message or chat, and outside of that no contact at all.

She’s messaging every day because you’re making yourself available every day for her.
you are NOT responsible for her wellbeing. In fact, this set up is helping her maintain her current situation. She might not change if you step back, but there is no incentive for her to change as long as you keep being available for her to moan about her health.
Take your time to reply. Don’t read messages immediately. Learn to say things like “I’m sorry you’re experiencing this. You really should talk to a doctor. I can’t help you”. Then next time say, “Like I said before, I can’t help you, you need to talk to a doctor, have you done that yet?”. If it continues, be blunt and tell her you cannot be available on demand for her as you have a family / that it is affecting you mentally so you need to take a step back in your availability. So going forward you want to have contact once a week (or whatever works for you).