If my mum and I buy a house together, might we need to sell it if she needs care?

[daisydaughter]

As per the title really.
My mum and I both live alone, I think it would be nice for us to buy a house together, as if we pool our resources we could get somewhere nicer than if we keep living separately, plus it will be nice to have each other as company. She is 80. I am imagining she would pay for half the house outright and I would get a mortgage for my half.
But if she needed care, could we be forced to sell our home to pay for it?

Depends hiw old you are … if a close family member, over the age of 60, lives in the house, it is not counted towards the cost of care.

My mum owns her house outright, my brother lived there as a carer, she has now been placed in a home, and the house is not counted in her assets, as my brother is 65.

OP, you and your mum are about the same age as me and mine when we bought a house together. We are tenants in common with my share slightly more than hers.

Two years in she had obvious signs of dementia, and for the last ten years I have dreaded her having to go into a home as she became worse and worse, and I've picked up the pieces. It is very hard when you live together to not start caring, and then your life, career, and whatever else starts going down the pan.

Thankfully my mum is now receiving palliative care at hme, and her share of the house will not become an asset for the council.

I urge you not to do this. It doesn't matter if you're tenants in common, the local authority may well come after her share of the house if needed for care costs. It's no longer the case that if a half (or whatever) share was put on the open market it would be worthless because a prospective buyer would be buying a bedroom, shared kitchen, living room, bathroom etc. The local authority can say they are willing buyers and work out a value accordingly. They can then put a charge on your mother's share, and if you ever sell afterwards they can take her share.

Which to some may sound reasonable, but if you've ended up caring for her (and being in the same house will encourage adult social care to leave you to it), then find at the end you've not been able to reach your own potential, you'll be left high and dry.

I'm definitely projecting a bit in this message to you, but I'd urge you to look beyond the short term benefits of this set up and look to the long term possibility of care and all it entails.

Are you trying to find away to avoid your mum having to use her assets to pay for care by saying it's your home too?

Am I right in thinking there are plans to bring in a maximum amount you would be expected to pay towards care costs? £80K is ringing a bell.

Is there enough equity in the sale of her house to put £80k aside specifically for care home fees (or to help towards the cost of carers if required at some point) and the balance to go towards a larger property with you? If the £80K wasn't needed, then it would come to you eventually in her will I assume.

Your mum would have to be jointly responsible for the mortgage. This might be OK if can prove you can pay it on your own.

You need to take off your rose tinted glasses and look at the cold hard reality of a potential future of your mum needing care in this scenario, particularly if she's now 80. Your mum has the right idea.

"there could come a time when she would need to go to into nursing care (e.g. if she got dementia"

Unfortunately dementia doesn't work like that. It can creep up slowly and get worse slowly. There's a long time when care is needed before a nursing home is appropriate.

No matter how much you love your Mum, it could ruin your life.

She is never going to be as well as she is now and will only get more dependent, with or without dementia.

Could you buy something like two adjoining cottages? So be next door to each other but still with privacy? You could knock a door between the two to have a way through without going outside, but still have totally separate legal titles?

There are also the potential years when you know she has dementia, and you know she needs care, but she may not know or want to know, and denies her failing mind, where there will be no simple popping her into a home. Only years of gradually moving yourself nearer breaking point.

Of course, dementia or anything else may never happen. But the risk of losing your own autonomy, is a big thing to consider.

Shouldn't this be worded the opposite way around? Ie they should buy as tenants in common NOT joint tenants?

Sounds like a good idea for both of you.

Is she fit and well? Could she gift her half to you?

How far apart (in time and distance) are the different locations where you both live and where you are planning to move to? Would you both be able to keep up your current circle of friends? And crucially, would either of you be able to afford living in the nicer area on your own? You don't want to be bereaved and then having to move to a new area.

I think you need proper legal and financial advice over this.

Unfortunately no one has a crystal ball and this is something which will either go really well or really badly. Are there any compromises you can do such as extended visits to each other or both keeping your own houses and also jointly renting in the nicer area?

Definitely get legal advice, so you have any siblings? If not, I would say she gives you the money and you buy the house in your name (for her security, legally get something written up that she has the right to live in the house for as long as she needs/wants to)
My concern would be, you're 40, what I'd you find a partner and want to live with them?

That’s been scrapped. No plans for this anymore

Buying the house in the OP's name would be classed as Deprivation of Assets if her mum did need care in the future. It wouldn't protect anyone.

It all gets complicated when you go into the nitty gritty doesn’t it. I very much hope she doesn’t get dementia, it’s not in the family and she’s as sharp now at 80 as she’s always been, but it’s an ever increasing risk I suppose.

And I don’t think it’s very likely at all that I will meet a partner that I want to live with, but I suppose that’s always a possibility.

Just seems crazy that it should be so complicated to live with my own mother!

Can't she just give you the money to buy the house in your name as a gift.

That would be Deprivation of Assets.

It I so important that you factor in the cruelty of Alzheimer’s. You love your mum and you always will. Sadly some forms of the disease rob the person of what they once were. Not in every case but they can become violent, have a cutting tongue or become double incontenant . They may start to wander. In 10 years time you will still only be 50 your mum will be 90. It would be lovely to think her following years will be strong and healthy for as they were for my MiL. I expect this is concerning your mum too.

THe discussion around this subject is not about avoiding care fees. It is about the daughter not being evicted. This why solitons advice is essential. It is possible that because they are not spouses a claim might be made against the estate after death. Which is why I said a clear financial trail should be kept. The LA won’t force a sale but may be able to, but unlikely to claim against the the daughter’s estat after her death. Legislation in this area will change no doubt to negate the social services burden.,