Unrealistic dreams or encourage?

[Stressedgiraffe]

Youngest child 16 wants to go to university abroad which requires an other language. It's the top university in the world for the subject. It's a niche study.
They want to do up to a PhD in the subject.
Currently they are being homeschooled/ online school for gcses due to bullying but are hopefully going to go to college for a level.
They are autistic with adhd so are very fixated on their goal.
I genuinely don't know whether to encourage or try to make them have more realistic goals. I'd love them to be able to do this.
Albu to try to think of more realistic goals?

It's really difficult. My DD would go on a downward spiral and because of her fixed thinking, just couldn't come up with a plan B. I had to wait for her to grow up a bit.

I think this goal absolutely should be encouraged (when I saw the thread title I thought it might be about an aspiring Premier League footballer or similar). However, encouraging a difficult goal doesn't mean you shouldn't have a plan B and even a plan C, so encourage your DS to think about other options as well - different universities; what he could do with the degree if the plans for a PhD didn't work out etc. The work he does to achieve this exact goal will still count towards alternatives at different universities if necessary, but there is no reason not to aim for the top academically as long as you have fallback options.

I've tried getting them to think of other universities and maybe go to that one for MA PhD. It's a very difficult university to get into even if your a native speaker.
I belive they could get there but may need more time to it. They'll just need patience. They are obsessed with the topic and would do the studying. Just need the language.

It might be the case that doing a first degree elsewhere with a view to doing a PhD at the target university is a realistic plan B?

It does depend on subject and institution, but this might well be easier to achieve too, because the competition for PhD places can be less fierce.

Presumably your DS will need other choices to put on his university application form - perhaps when it is a bit nearer the time, you could take him to some open days of UK universities - he might find one he 'clicks' with.

I think you shouldn’t discourage, just make them aware that they can only do their best and the other options that are available to them if it doesn’t work out so they don’t feel like a failure, and make sure you are there for them in the event it doesn’t work out as planned. That’s all you can do really.

"That's great, dear". Would be my answer.

A teenager can change plans so many times during A levels.

If it requires a foreign language she/he could focus on studying? After all a second language at university level is a challenge.

Could you make it so there are goals to achieve the ultimate e.g. a family member or mine did and extra year of a levels to get more grounding and experience for their degree

If language is a key factor that is needed to possibly achieve the ultimate goal the initial goal would be to obtain X level or said language etc?

Make a flow plan together and have branches for different avenues as and when they are ready to think about that.?

As in if they applied and did not get in would they get more knowledge/experience/skills and reapply the following year or would they apply to XYZ university for degree and possibly look at transferring etc etc

Encourage but have a back up plan. It's always sensible to have a back up plan anyway.

If your DC is 16 then a PhD is a long way off, both time-wise and in terms of interim achievements, maturity etc. And it's very common to do a PhD at a different university from where you do a first degree. Maybe you could help your DC look at different related pathways that they might enjoy. BTW, you haven't really said whether you think this goal is actually unrealistic for your DC, or whether it's something they could potentially achieve.

It should be encouraged within reason. Before thinking of a PhD, they should focus on A levels, bachelor and masters, there is a long way to go before they get selected for a PhD.
Also a PhD in itself doesn't mean anything without a proper career goal, so why do they want/need a PhD for?

I would change their focus on the career goal (there could be other ways to get there).

I also don't think that going abroad for your first year of uni is something to encourage unless your child is very very stable mentally.
I've moved away from my family at 18 for uni, and so did a lot of my friends (due to us living in a place with limited options), and it was very hard to lose all family support overnight. I would usually recommend waiting for the masters/PhD.

The first real question is do they have the academic ability to even make this feasible?
If not the that's nice dear answer is an option at this stage while they work out that it isn't going to happen.

If they do then there is no reason not to encourage it if you are able to self fund this because there won't be student finance available to fund it. If you financially can't do this then best have that conversation now to manage expectations.

Can they speak the language? Are they learning it? Will their language skills be good enough to do a degree when taught in that language?

Are you saying he needs to learn a new language from scratch?

How proficient are they in the university's native language at present?

It's not impossible to get to C1/2 (which, assuming that is the language in which courses are taught, will be the level required) in two years if you already have a good knowledge of a language, but it's very, very difficult, particularly outwith full-time immersion.

They are focused enough to get the grades for uni in England. I'd prefer them to get a bsc here then go abroad. I worry because of their autism. They don't want to consider plan b. They'd also need to get near fluent in another language to be able to do this. I am trying for x subject with y language as a degree first.

I would do both. Encourage them to go for their dreams but also discuss other options, as dreams do change.

I am so sorry about the bullying.

Aside from the academic aspect, how would DC cope with life alone in a foreign country while studying? My eldest DC has ASD and really struggled to cope at uni (300 miles away, not a different country). He didn’t take care of himself, his personal hygiene, eating etc. He had a support worker who tried to encourage him but to little effect. Would your DC be able to manage? Before my DC went to uni, like most we were more focused on the educational side of things - anticipating offers/grades etc. I should have put more thought into the practical things, though DC was insistent that he could cope.

Of course a 16 year old isn't preoccupied with a plan B. Autism or not. They live in the now.

What is his/her language level in the language in question? It is crucial for success.

Practically they are would be ok. They can cook and do laundry. Money wise they'd need to take out a student loan/scholarship. Language wise it's a different alphabet so difficult.

A personal observation - I am autistic and found the transition from home to university (in the UK and only about an hour from where I lived) very tough. I wasn't diagnosed back then, and in any case the understanding of and support for autism was much more limited in those days (early 90s) however I think your DS will need some robust preparation for a possible move overseas, alone - perhaps look at those schemes where young people can go and work in summer camps, that kind of thing.

My son had a very fixed idea of what he wanted. At your son’s age I honestly felt he probably couldn’t achieve it and was frustrated he wouldn’t consider other options at all.

However I focussed on the here and now to support him to get to the best possible place to get to his goal (while also mentally preparing for all the backup plans!) without being pushy - but always being a realist.

He absolutely pulled it out of the bag and is now three years into a super competitive degree.

For you now, I’d focus on college, what grades does he need to aim for in the next two years? Encouraging independence - in two years he’ll need to live, travel, pay bills in a different country. How can you help him gain those skills. Finally, support with the additional language and an honest conversation that he will need to work hard at this.

You can be quite honest.
The plan can't work without a real effort to learn the language.
If she/he doesn't engage in language studies it is an unrealistic dream.

I'm guessing a Japanese university, possibly Kyoto.

If they cannot speak/read/write Japanese to a highly advanced level now (and are willing to improve to near-fluency within two years) then no, they won't be able to do a UG degree there (a friend's husband is a frequent guest lecturer there, but he lived in Japan for more than a decade and speaks Japanese fluently).

There may then be an option to do a 'foreigner's' MSc/MA in which some the teaching is done in English.

I agree with PPs: encourage them to study the language at degree level here then apply as a post-grad.

There's a way to go yet - if they are currently studying GCSEs - I would encourage them to learn the language they need to meet the course requirements. Worse case scenario if they don't get in, in the future, they have several years of a language under their belt. If they don't learn or don't like learning the language, hopefully, they will realise for themselves they need a different plan.
I would also encourage them to look elsewhere - I know they have the one they want in mind but the others could be 'sold' as interview experience. I know learners with fixed courses in mind and when visiting others have changed their minds.