Is this me now?

[Jennifermaniston]

I have been drinking so much lately since my divorce and finding out about OW. It doesn’t help though especially the day after. I have never used drink to deal with my emotions before so why am I doing it now and how do I stop?

anybody else been through this who can give me some advice.

I know getting drunk every night is not the answer

Two things, stop buying booze and work on the root of the problem.

Boredom - get a hobby. Loneliness - join a club. Mental pain - get therapy. And so on.

Hi OP

Didn't want to read and run. I used to drink too much, I've always used alcohol as a crutch and it got much worse during lockdown. I was drinking at least a bottle of wine a night, more at the weekend. There are lots of very supportive people on the alcohol support board with advice. They were invaluable to me in the beginning.

I'm now 2 years sober. I won't say it's been easy as it hasn't but i do feel stronger and more capable (i say this despite having a breakdown this year). I started by making a list of reasons not to drink, which I'm happy to share. I also read a quote saying 'no problem isn't made worse by alcohol' and that became a mantra for me because it's so true.

There are lots of sober-lit which others can recommend I'm sure. I didn't read them myself so I can't comment on how useful they are. But do pop over to the alcohol support boards. And admitting to yourself you have a problem is the hardest part and you've done that so well done!

It's happening because you are allowing it and repeating cycles of behaviour.

Stop buying alcohol is your first step.

Secondly take a good look at why you are drinking. Is it because you are sad. Hurt, lonely, bored (I eat when I am bored and am therfore overweight) and then take steps to deal with the cause.

I am absolutely heartbroken.

But alcohol isn't going to change that. So what are you doing in a practical sense to deal with that heartbreak?

Can you join a support group?
Talk to your GP about local talking therapy options

Someone said something earlier on another post that really resonated.

You have to sit and feel the pain that you're trying to dull with the alcohol to build resilience to it.

Alcohol is only giving you an additional problem to overcome.

If you have friends and family, cry on their shoulders.
Play music, do things you enjoy doing, force yourself to go out, get involved with other people and maybe listen to their problems too.

Drinking will just magnify your misery....and this WILL pass, you just have to be kind to yourself (not with booze though)

OP this is a cliche but show him how it's done.

Block him on all social media.
Set yourself a goal - couch to 5k, get fit, learn a language, professional development etc
Change your diet - lots of fruit, vegetables, beans, pulses
Book a trip to somewhere you've always wanted to go
Volunteer in something you're passionate about
Get a check up and speak to your GP about medication (if that's what you need)
Get therapy, try BACP
Take up a hobby

There's a good website called Surviving Infidelity you might be useful for support.

I went through hell when my husband left for the ow and then snatched my children. I didn't turn to drink though.... I started smoking😫

Tomorrow is not only a Monday, but the first Monday of January, which is a great day to not have a drink. What can you plan for the evening that you’d look forward to? A yoga class? Following a new routine to help you maximise your sleep? New game on your phone (not gambling!)? Comfort watching something you love that your ex was really sneery about?

Reach out and get support from people who have been there. Go to chumplady.com. There are a few recovered alcoholics on there in addition to everybody having been cheated on and having their hearts broken.
You need to develop healthy coping mechanisms. Is therapy a possibility?

It’s a cliche because it’s true and excellent advice.
You need to work on your self esteem OP. When I went through something similar, I threw myself in to doing up my house. I have never even picked up a drill before and I laid floor, did simple electrical work etc. I had to be bloody tough on myself and force myself sometimes when I didn’t want to do it but it was amazing therapy for me. The sense of achievement was amazing.
You have been rejected badly and it fucking hurts. But you CAN get through this.

Distraction is the key here - as much as you can. One day, it won’t be the first thing you think about when you wake up x

Please don't damage your health, it will only make it harder to cope with emotionally. I go to exercise classes at my nearest gym, mostly middle aged + ladies. Great community spirit and you feel better after jumping around.

Thank you

It's a temporary crutch while you heal, just don't let it become a habit.