Name changed for this one.
So I've been seeing a new chap for several months - my first relationship since divorcing over three years ago, and with a lot of dead-end online dates in the interim. I.e. quite a big deal for me to have entered into. Lovely chap, very like-minded, considerate high-achieving professional, seems into me, etc. - and the relationship is exclusive.
I need a sense of perspective on this issue - not the only emergent niggle in the relationship, but the most "in your face" (as it were) in recent weeks.
Most of our "sleepover" dates are at mine for various reasons. I've noticed bad toilet hygiene at mine in terms of weeing on the seat / leaving poo stains, which I wasn't overly impressed with, but didn't say anything at the time. Last week I was at his - not the first occasion, but this round time the toilet / bathroom was pretty grim. Not Trainspotter bad or anything - but think piss and pubes caked into the ceramic and bristles / toothpaste residue all over the sink. The rest of his place is cluttered but clean enough.
I was again due to visit him at his today, and - after some agonising on the subject - sent a message during the week that he'd need to give the bathroom a once over first, to which he replied already on the list. And he did clean up, and even made a point of asking me if it was acceptable when I arrived.
Later that afternoon, we were taking it to the bedroom and I made a quick pit stop - only to find massive poo stains down the pan and wee over the seat from a visit he'd made in the meantime. It's hard for me to address these things directly, but I basically came out, said it was a massive passion killer and that I didn't expect to find the toilet like this at his or at mine, and if he wanted bedroom activity he'd need to factor in bathroom activity. He did clean it, apologised (blaming not having his glasses on - he did have his glasses on) and said my views were fair enough. I left soon after without re-initiating any sexual activity.
It's not the mess in itself that bothers me - I'm not a clean freak, and have literally used some of the worst toilets known to man in my time. It's the lack of respect it indicates - especially coming from someone so otherwise clearly intelligent / senior, etc. and not otherwise seemingly unhygienic. And the fact that I'd already pointed this out once before coming round - which is already unattractive enough to have to do towards a grown man. In his shoes I'd personally be dying of embarrassment, not making a mess of things that very same afternoon. Unless he was doing it deliberately to make a point right back to me, but that doesn't seem like him at all.
Either way, whether deliberate or just obliviousness, it's not attractive. I made a vow at the end of my last relationship that I wouldn't tolerate man children / incompetence (whether strategic or otherwise), so maybe I'm overthinking this one - but yeah it's irked me a lot.
Please do tell me if I'm being unreasonable on this one! I wouldn't end things "only" cause of this, but genuinely not sure if I'm just being a massive priss on this. TIA!