Manhandling a 5 and 3 year old

[Booklover2312]

Hello, my 5 year old son can be very uncooperative with my husband and myself. Today I set a timer for him to get dressed, he said help me and he refused to get his trousers on and ran around the living room 20 times in a circle.
My husband sometimes resorts to manhandling him, I have told him this is not appropriate but he says he just won't cooperate for him.

I really don't like it because I hear my son crying and saying you're hurting me. I have tried talking to my husband about it but he says he doesn't know of any other ways for him to cooperate.
Doescanyone have any strategies that have worked for this age as we are really struggling.
Thanks

Presumably you were going out somewhere, I would have carried on and gone out and taken his clothes with me to put on when he was ready to do so. Likely not long in this cold weather!

What do you mean "manhandling him"?

If you mean forcing him to get dressed after 20 min of running around, then that's life with a kid. I would assume they would stop doing this by 5, but I assume if you've never taught him before they'll continue.

Kid cry when you say "no".

A timer to get dressed? Running round the living room? What a palaver. Is this an every day occurence? I presume DH wasn't actually hurting him, in which case I think it's fair enough.

Is he the same at school, such as when they ask him to put coat on, get changed for PE etc? Just wondering if he struggles with this so acts up to get out of doing it, or is it a way of getting more time with you? At this age any attention is seen to be good attention, a parent negotiating, chasing him etc is a positive for him.
If he really didn't like his Dad 'manhandling' him, he would just do it himself (if there are no physical issues which mean he can't dress himself?).

Can you try and make a game of it? Say I bet you can't get dressed in the next two minutes and then help him on with pants and trousers if need be, having a giggle and saying 'quick, you're going to win the game' . Setting a timer and having him run around the lounge for 20 minutes sounds like a lot of palaver and just makes you crosser. Your husband shouldn't be manhandling him in a manner that hurts him!

So you give your 5 year old a choice whether to get dressed or not?

If you keeping going like this, him not getting dressed will be the least of your worries in a few years.

Yes, I would have marched him out to the car in his pants. Both of mine tried similar - probably at 3 not 5, but no way did they get away with it. If I’d done that in the 70s I would have been smacked. We decided we were never doing that, but equally well we were not prepared to have a child running round the house defying us.

I have a 3.5 year old like this. I would make him get dressed if he refuses. If he ends up getting hurt I would say "next time co-operate and then this won't happen".

Obviously I am careful not rough when dressing him, I don't deliberately hurt him but occasionally he might fall over trying to run away. I can't be chasing him round or begging him or waiting forever.

I find all the things that worked when he was 2 (timers, warnings, races, choices) don't work any more, he knows they're just manipulation. If something doesn't matter I don't make him do it but if something is essential, the more I try to negotiate the worse he gets. It's better to enforce things. It's almost like he's looking for a boundary to check it's still there - he seems better and happier after an enforced boundary and the inevitable tantrum whereas negotiating just leads to refusing more and more things.