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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think NDN is being CF

71 replies

Nurseamy87 · 05/01/2025 14:21

Not sure what to do about this situation!

throw away account for this post.

always got on very well with our (semi detached) next door neighbour - until the last few days.

A repair urgently needs doing to our jointly owned fence- it’s in land registry info that we are both responsible for it plus I remember the builders telling us when we bought the house from new severally years ago,

NDN claiming that they do not have any money to contribute towards this. Their lifestyle would suggest otherwise. They are saying that because of financially recovering from Christmas, they are not going to be in a position to contribute any time soon. But there is no way that the fence will survive another storm and if we leave it, and it comes down completely, then that’s going to be a much more expensive repair so I’d rather get it fixed at this stage.

In process of getting quotes for the work to be done. NDN has asked me to get several quotes and to go with the cheapest. Yes, cost is obviously a factor , but also getting the job done properly is very important. I’ve got two quotes so far but they want more. I’m back to work tomorrow on a stretch of nights so going to struggle for time to do this.

what do I do.. just get work done as soon as, and tell NDN to pay me back at end of month (knowing I prob wont see the money).

For context of work involved, the quotes I’ve had so far would mean we both pay £70 -80 each if split equally.

just difficult to accept any claims of genuine financial hardship when they are off on their next skiing holiday soon and other very affluent past times.

OP posts:
BotterMon · 05/01/2025 15:16

Sound like dickheads. It's not exactly a vast amount of money. Do they understand the consequences of not fixing it?

WidgetDigit2022 · 05/01/2025 15:17

WiseLurker · 05/01/2025 15:14

It's a safe assumption, until you ask them and they say sorry we're skint.. at which point it's cheeky fuckery to assume they are lying unless there's some backstory (presumably not as OP says they got on well until now).

Show quote history

I guess the backstory is they’re going in an expensive holiday.

Also as a homeowner it’s responsible to have more than £80 saved for emergency repairs, no?

It’s basic adult home ownership stuff.

VandalsTookTheHandlez · 05/01/2025 15:18

BotterMon · 05/01/2025 15:16

Sound like dickheads. It's not exactly a vast amount of money. Do they understand the consequences of not fixing it?

It's not exactly a vast amount of money

Meanwhile, back in the real world.

Doggymummar · 05/01/2025 15:18

I would expect the insurance to cover it, no need to fall out with neighbours ours over such a small amount of money in anycase. I would pay and put a copy of the bill through the door, including the insurance excess.

Mrsttcno1 · 05/01/2025 15:19

You can’t force them to pay so you either fix it & pay, put something on your own side & pay, or leave it & accept whatever happens happens.

In fairness, post-Christmas and with a holiday booked money may well be tight.

WiseLurker · 05/01/2025 15:21

WidgetDigit2022 · 05/01/2025 15:17

I guess the backstory is they’re going in an expensive holiday.

Also as a homeowner it’s responsible to have more than £80 saved for emergency repairs, no?

It’s basic adult home ownership stuff.

Show quote history

A holiday booked before they found out one of them was at risk of redundancy, or that she's pregnant again, or the boiler went bang and the clutch broke on the car, or any other host of things that are nothing to do with OP.

She's asked, they've told, she has no right to judge them for it based on what she's said.

pinkdelight · 05/01/2025 15:23

None of you is unreasonable, but you can't force them to pay. Even if you feel the repair is urgent, the fact is that the fence is still holding for now.

This. Most boundaries don't legally require fences so unless your paperwork specifies a fence then neighbours are fine to not comply with you wanting a fence there to your timeframe. My neighbours might think I can afford a new fence but it's not what I want to spend my money on and I'd resent them deciding we needed one now. Sure I can agree that £70 or so is cheap, but still, it wouldn't necessarily be my priority and I'd likely let it slide if it wasn't important to me. If it's important to you, pay for it and then it's sorted.

GoldsolesLugs · 05/01/2025 15:25

Pay for it, then next time you take in a parcel for them accidentally drop it down the stairs before they collect it.
In all seriousness, probably just pay for it, with the attitude "they are selfish freeloaders, but I will pay to get what I want (a fence)". Otherwise it'll just piss you off, and to me at least, peace of mind is worth 80 quid.
If you want to wash your hands, have your own fence built inside the boundary. If they ever want a favour from you, be as difficult as possible - hope they don't ever need a party wall agreement!

Joelle84 · 05/01/2025 15:29

It is January. Perhaps they genuinely do not have spare funds atm. They could be up to their eyes with debt/loans/leases etc. they might look rich but literally have nothing.

is it worth falling out over? Having good neighbourly relations is worth its weight in gold. Seriously consider either putting up a fence your side or repair it and shoulder the costs.

mummyh2016 · 05/01/2025 15:31

The thing is a lot of people are strapped for cash in January, especially those that get paid earlier in December than normal. If you've normally got on I'd give them the benefit of the doubt. You've said it urgently needs fixing, why does it need fixing urgently? Do you have a dog that might get out?
If the only reason is because you want it fixing now I'd hold off. If it is urgent then I'd ask them at what point they will be able to pay their share.

VegTrug · 05/01/2025 15:35

WidgetDigit2022 · 05/01/2025 14:54

Skiing holidays are expeeeensive! If they can afford that, they can afford £80. Every home owner should have a little money set aside for emergency home repairs, the fact they say they’ve spent every penny on Christmas is, quite frankly, not your problem.

I would offer to pay now on the basis they pay you back by August 2025 - written and signed by both of you of course.

Ridiculous that you have a shared fence, this type of thing was bound to happen at one stage.

Having something ‘signed by both parties’ is not worth anything as far as a court is concerned, unless notarised by a Solicitor.

MrsSkylerWhite · 05/01/2025 15:37

For context of work involved, the quotes I’ve had so far would mean we both pay £70 -80 each if split equally“

I’d love to know where you live where you can get a fence installed for £160 quid all in! Costs hundreds if not thousands where we are.

If they say they can’t afford it, not much you can do about it. They may have saved for ages for their holiday. Personally, at just £160, I’d get it done myself for peace of mind and privacy.

VegTrug · 05/01/2025 15:37

Yeah you can’t just demand it’s done right now because in your opinion it needs to be done right now.
However with that being said, they are being massively unreasonable by not giving any kind of alternative solution/timeline. They can’t just shrug their shoulders and say they’re not interested
(Not unless they don’t want a fence to be on the boundary at all I suppose?)

macap · 05/01/2025 15:37

I mean they didn't outright say no they implied they're a bit skint after Christmas and usually some people do have a bit of a shit January money wise.

YABU.

GloriousGoosebumps · 05/01/2025 15:47

It looks as though your choice is 1. pay the full £160, given that they're pleading poverty or 2. Wait until the fence falls down. How inconvenienced would your neighbours be if the fence fell down? For example, do they have a dog that they need to contain or small children? Would they hate the loss of privacy? They'll soon put their hands in their pockets if they are inconvenienced and if it then costs them more than the £80 you're currently asking for then so be it, perhaps they'll learn a useful lesson.

littleHen84 · 05/01/2025 15:51

Nurseamy87 · 05/01/2025 14:21

Not sure what to do about this situation!

throw away account for this post.

always got on very well with our (semi detached) next door neighbour - until the last few days.

A repair urgently needs doing to our jointly owned fence- it’s in land registry info that we are both responsible for it plus I remember the builders telling us when we bought the house from new severally years ago,

NDN claiming that they do not have any money to contribute towards this. Their lifestyle would suggest otherwise. They are saying that because of financially recovering from Christmas, they are not going to be in a position to contribute any time soon. But there is no way that the fence will survive another storm and if we leave it, and it comes down completely, then that’s going to be a much more expensive repair so I’d rather get it fixed at this stage.

In process of getting quotes for the work to be done. NDN has asked me to get several quotes and to go with the cheapest. Yes, cost is obviously a factor , but also getting the job done properly is very important. I’ve got two quotes so far but they want more. I’m back to work tomorrow on a stretch of nights so going to struggle for time to do this.

what do I do.. just get work done as soon as, and tell NDN to pay me back at end of month (knowing I prob wont see the money).

For context of work involved, the quotes I’ve had so far would mean we both pay £70 -80 each if split equally.

just difficult to accept any claims of genuine financial hardship when they are off on their next skiing holiday soon and other very affluent past times.

We had a very similar situation I posted on MN at the time. We ended up paying for the work which was a hefty £3000, we always had open discussions and tried all sorts of solutions but we ended up paying and our neighbours haven't spoken to us since think it says more about them.

WidgetDigit2022 · 05/01/2025 15:52

@VegTrug ah I hadn’t realised that!

Bearbookagainandagain · 05/01/2025 15:56

WidgetDigit2022 · 05/01/2025 15:52

@VegTrug ah I hadn’t realised that!

Because it's BS. A contract between two parties is absolutely valid without the need for a solicitor.

(Sorry I think I quoted the wrong post)

Original poster
Nurseamy87 · 05/01/2025 16:00

MrsSkylerWhite · 05/01/2025 15:37

For context of work involved, the quotes I’ve had so far would mean we both pay £70 -80 each if split equally“

I’d love to know where you live where you can get a fence installed for £160 quid all in! Costs hundreds if not thousands where we are.

If they say they can’t afford it, not much you can do about it. They may have saved for ages for their holiday. Personally, at just £160, I’d get it done myself for peace of mind and privacy.

? I never said we needed to have a new fence installed. It’s a repair only. Please read things properly.

OP posts:
BotterMon · 05/01/2025 16:00

VandalsTookTheHandlez · 05/01/2025 15:18

It's not exactly a vast amount of money

Meanwhile, back in the real world.

Show quote history

£70-80 is not a vast amount of money. If it's not done (and insurance may very well pay but excess is probably more) then they will be liable for a far higher amount. OP states they live an affluent lifestyle.

TheCrenchinglyMcQuaffenBrothers · 05/01/2025 16:06

Does the land registry state you’re both responsible for the actual fence? Or does it state the boundary? The former would be unusual.

VandalsTookTheHandlez · 05/01/2025 16:08

BotterMon · 05/01/2025 16:00

£70-80 is not a vast amount of money. If it's not done (and insurance may very well pay but excess is probably more) then they will be liable for a far higher amount. OP states they live an affluent lifestyle.

Show quote history

I think what you meant to post was

To me, £70-80 is not a vast amount of money

3.12 million people used a food bank last year. I think that suggests that to rather a lot of people £70-80 IS a vast amount of money.

OP may state they live an affluent lifestyle but the reality is OP has no clue about the neighbours circumstances.

Whaleandsnail6 · 05/01/2025 16:30

Do they actually want the fence?

In all honesty, if our fence was falling down, at the moment I would telly neighbours I am happy to be fenceless rather than spend money on it. We are not totally skint but have other things I would rather spend the money on and I am not bothered about having a fence.

Tell them of they want more quotes, they need to source them. If you really don't want to wait, I think you will have to prepare yourself thdy you may end up paying for it all

GreyAreas · 05/01/2025 16:40

I'd sort it after January pay day. Shore it up as best you can until then and ask them to get the third quote. Keep being reasonable if things have been ok until now.

Scottsmumof3 · 05/01/2025 16:42

If my fence fell down I wouldn’t bother getting a new one. It would just gently fall down. I have no children or animals that I need to contain.

I might bodge the old one back together if that was easy. It probably wouldn’t look great.

I have a legal obligation to maintain the boundaries of my property and nothing else. There are many ways to maintain a boundary, hedge, ditch, pegs in the ground… piece of string…

Not everyone has the same priorities with money. Unless there is a legal obligation for them to maintain a fence neither of you at being unreasonable.

If you want to mend it, or replace it and they don’t then that is on you.