Dad being manipulative?

[redvelvet9]

Dad tried to kill himself approximately 10 years ago…after a silly argument with me. He almost did it, but he was found just in time. Said he would never do it again. Few weeks later I’m having to restrain him because he’s threatening to do it because I’ve split up with my then bf. My dad thought I was making a mistake. Anyway, I’ve been with my new fella for approx 9 years and we’ve had a child together who my dad loves. Naturally. He’s always got on to some degree with the fella, the fella is quiet and not overly chatty with my dad and no matter how much I beg him, he won’t change this. So I think my dad feels a bit unwelcome when he used to come over. Anyway, my dad suddenly declares he doesn’t like my bf, but he couldn’t answer why, yelled when I asked him to explain and he got out of my car and slammed the door. All whilst my little one was in the back. I didn’t speak to him for almost 6 months, when, suddenly he messages me and wants to video call on Xmas day! I ignored the call because I feel he should reach out first to at least apologise for his behaviour AND explain why he doesn’t like my bf!! As I’d like the opportunity to put things right, if needed. Anyway, a couple weeks later, it’s dad’s birthday and on the morning he messaged me saying he wished he was dead, not long to wait now and he can’t wait to die. Told me not to cry for him when he dies as he claims I don’t have time for him whilst he’s alive. Yet, before falling out was getting him over for dinners often, over for little ones birthdays and every Christmas!!!! I tell him they are horrible messages and his response was I treat him like a c**t?!?!?!? I feel it’s the other way around personally!!!! It’s been a couple of days and ideally I don’t want to fall out forever! My little one adores him! He’s just completely shot away. I’m just still reeling from these messages - I feel he obviously wants me to feel guilty and wants me to beg him for his forgiveness… he has sent messages like these before when he hasn’t got his own way. This time, I decided I need to look after my own sanity and not respond too much!!!! Am I wrong?

It does sound manipulative, he probably can't see it though if this is how he is used to acting. You could call the police and ask them to do a welfare check? I think this is more about how your dad feels about himself/ his life than it is about you. He is projecting. I don't blame you for wanting to protect yourself. You could message him and ask to meet and speak about what's bothering you both but you won't accept messages like he's been sending. Does he have anyone else that he can talk to?

Your father sounds unhinged. I'd ring Police as he's a suicide risk, but keep your distance as he's not rational and trying to emotionally manipulate you.

Don't let him near you or your DC.

You should not be allowing this manipulative unstable man to have any relationship with a child

Hey, so yeah I did do that. Police were happy he was of sound mind and all in good order. I panicked initially hence calling the police, but when I read his messages they are more like - he’s closer to death now being a year older. Yeah of course he isn’t feeling in the best mind and probably does feel down. But I’m just sick of treading on egg shells with him, worried he will threaten to kill himself at the slightest disagreement. It really affects me!

He sounds like a massive emotional manipulator. However I think you need to cover your bases so if he does try anything like suicide, you know you've tried your hardest to diffuse the situation.

I'd just respond to his message and let him know:

1. He's loved.
2. You have enjoyed a good relationship with him and it was a silly fight over your partner, (silly in the sense that nothing actually happened in order to ignite that fight.) but you do feel that he is the one that should apologise for this outburst.
3. If he did apologise you would be happy to work on the relationship again.
4. He must not message you things about wanting to die, that's not fair on you and it places a massive worry and burden with you. Surely as a father he should want to take away every possible burden, not lump more on. That is a clear boundary you must set.

He sounds like a horrible manipulator and I would worry that he would try this on my child too.

I would make contact and explain... you care about him and this manipulative behaviour is not on! And you do not want him criticizing or making problems with your partner, he is your partner and your child's dad.

Move forward with your relationship with your dad on your terms, or do not. Your call.

Personally, I think your dad is mentally ill, there is no shame in that, but as an adult he must take responsibility for that and he must seek help. It is not your fault or your responsibility.

I agree about the welfare check. Do it everytime he threatens it and he will soon stop.

My ex used to threaten to kill himself, the last time he did it he went to the quarry and was sending pictures ect saying he was going to throw himself off.

I forwarded the messages to his mum. He was absolutely furious and he never threatened it again

Since his birthday, he has given you nothing but grief. He sounds like a real moron just trying to cause strife in your home life. The more you stress over this, the more he is winning! Text him that you don't expect to hear from him at all unless it's an apology.

I understand why your bf keeps his distance.

If he doesn't want you to treat him like a cunt than maybe he shouldn't behave like one.
Keep this awful manipulative man away from your children

This.

Yes plus next time he talks about harming himself, take him seriously and contact the ambulance service