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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Family money matters!

2 replies

alwayswantchocolate · 04/01/2025 19:24

I’m married with two children and my brother is unmarried with no children (but has a serious girlfriend). Our dad is widowed and not unwealthy. I do a lot for dad, have him round for Sunday dinner, collect his prescriptions, drive him on longer journeys where I think he’d struggle with the driving, do errands if he needs it, etc. My brother does nothing to help.

In the past few years our dad has taken to giving generous gifts. The most recent example is he’s given my children £10,000 each and also given my brother £20,000. My children are teenagers who obviously will be leaving home at some point and taking their savings with them to do with as they please. What gets to me is that I get nothing in this arrangement nor do I get a say in letting the gifts bypass me each time. My brother is pretty wealthy and has very little in the way of outgoings while my expenses are pretty high and will rocket if we have university accommodation and costs to pay for.

my husband and I have been discussing this and can’t really see the wood for the trees. Am I being unreasonable to feel both grateful that my children have a helpful start in life (assuming they don’t blow it of course) while also feeling both hurt and annoyed? It has happened multiple times now.

OP posts:
geekone · 04/01/2025 19:27

I don’t know if you are being unreasonable, however if my dad gave my son 10k he would be using that on university accommodation.

LittleRedRidingHoody · 04/01/2025 19:29

I think that's fair. What would be unfair is if he just gave your children money, OR if your children, brother and you all got money.

Agree your children can use it for Uni accommodations if things are that tight/they want to. Ideally though you could help them set it up in a decent savings account to build for a future house deposit or similar.

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